Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: they would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.

It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), March 07, 2000

Answers

"...Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: they would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them. .."

The baby! Where IS the baby??

I am...

-- Miss Identified, mother of Miss Placed... (missidentified@hotmail.com), March 07, 2000.

You know you're getting old when you try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle and pop and you're not eating cereal. It takes 2 or more tries to get up from the couch. When happy hour is a nap. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.

9these from A. Engler)

-- Evelyn Freuler (tomeve@@sedona.net), March 08, 2000.

Hi Evelyn, welcome to the board! Great job kritter did setting this up, doncha think??

-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), March 09, 2000.