Bush Muffs Letterman's Late-Night Opportunity

By CARYN JAMES

When Gov. George W. Bush showed up by satellite on "Late Show with David Letterman" last night, he was smiling, good-natured, prepared to laugh at himself. Imagine, then, what a comic flop he had to be to elicit groans and boos from the audience, as he did with jokes about Mr. Letterman's recent heart surgery.

With Mr. Letterman sitting on stage in New York and Mr. Bush in a conference room in St. Louis, there was a slight satellite delay between the questions and answers, which had the effect of making Mr. Bush look a little slow on the uptake. That was the last thing he needed, since the point of the appearance was to send the message: I am not a pinhead (to use one of the typical Letterman descriptions of him).

Late-night shows allow candidates to present their most casual, engaging guises, and are so important to campaigns that while the Letterman show had Mr. Bush last night, Senator John McCain appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and both overshadowed a Democratic debate on CNN. But the Letterman show offers the biggest risks and rewards, because appearances are preceded by weeks of barbs, and a guest shot can be transforming. Mr. Bush's job was to make his image seem smarter than usual. That didn't happen.

His approach sometimes eerily echoed that in the early debates. He was slow to ad-lib; at times he offered one-word answers then stared blankly into the camera. (Mr. Letterman asked if he was tired of jokes about flunking a pop quiz about world leaders. "Nah," said the governor, and stared.) He forced in canned lines. He only had five minutes and obviously had a few jokes he was determined to cram in.

Other lines sounded as if they came off the top of his head, and they were scary. When Mr. Letterman asked exactly what Mr. Bush meant by his often repeated phrase, "I'm a uniter not a divider," the governor said, "That means when it comes time to sew up your chest cavity, we use stitches as opposed to opening it up." The audience booed; Mr. Letterman looked baffled; the camera turned to his producer, Rob Burnett, who shrugged as if to say, "I don't know what it means either."

Mr. Bush understood the ground rules: that he was there to laugh at himself. So he forced in a self-deprecating gimmick. "I've morphed on your show from a boob to a dweeb," he said, and created a priceless photo by holding up a T-shirt that read "Dweebs for Bush," which he said he would like to give Mr. Letterman in person.

A face-to-face showdown would have been better all around. There was so little dynamism in the satellite conversation that at one point Mr. Letterman was looking down at the desk.

And though you can't blame the satellite for everything, the delay did almost bury Mr. Bush's one sharp comeback. "Who likes interns better, you or John McCain?" Mr. Letterman asked. It was hard to hear Mr. Bush answer, "It's the wrong party."

Mr. Bush will get some second chances soon. He will appear in person on some future Letterman show, and is to be on "The Tonight Show" on Monday. As Mr. McCain's appearance on "Tonight" proved, where Mr. Letterman and his audience appreciate self-mockery, Mr. Leno helps a guest puff himself up. He introduced his guest as "Arizona senator and a war hero."

Still, voters can only hope both candidates get better writers before a State of the Union address comes their way. Mr. McCain did a bad Leno impression, joked about sleeping in the lucky shoes that helped him win in New Hampshire, and said he and Jesse Ventura had something in common because Mr. McCain wore a feather boa around the Senate. He did get in the serious information that he will not join the Reform Party. And he mentioned the "iron triangle" of Washington power he is fighting. That phrase is familiar from news coverage, but may be fresh to "Tonight" viewers, which is part of the purpose of such appearances. How well such information registers is a different question.

In the "Tonight" manner, Mr. McCain was smooth and congenial. The actress Neve Campbell, the first guest, had talked about her bunions; Mr. McCain expressed concern and plugged universal health care.

On the riskier Letterman show, Mr. Bush went up in flames. But the important thing was that he showed up at all. He proved he could take a joke and that he knew, in response to the Letterman pop quiz, who is president of the hair club for men. With the media stakes so high, only a loser would have ducked the question.

-- Vern (bacon17@ibm.net), March 02, 2000

Answers

I heard a clip from McCain's Leno appearance on the local radio news this morning. Leno's response to McCain was, "You sound like Clinton."

-- Markus Archus (apxov@mail.com), March 02, 2000.

LOL!! As Fu*k Charley... er, Chuck Farley says, what a L-O-S-E-R!

Shrubya was born with a silver foot in his mouth. :-)

-- Hawk (flyin@high.again), March 02, 2000.

By all means, let's elect a man according to his Letterman/Leno appearance. I'm no McCain fan, OBVIOUSLY, but neither candidate should be slaughtered for an appearance on a late night comedy show.

-- Just Curious (jnmpow@flash.net), March 02, 2000.