FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Microsoft Announces Improved BSOD

In a surprise announcement today, Microsoft President Steve Ballmer revealed that the Redmond based company will allow computer resellers and end-users to customise the appearance of the Blue Screen of Death (abbreviated BSOD), the screen that displays when the Windows operating system crashes.

The move comes as the result of numerous focus groups and customer surveys done by Microsoft. Thousands of Microsoft customers were asked, "What do you spend the most time doing on your computer?"

A surprising number of respondents said, "Staring at a Blue Screen of Death". At 54 percent, it was the top answer, beating the second place answer "Downloading XXX Scans" by an easy 12 points.

"We immediately recognised this as a great opportunity for ourselves, our channel partners, and especially our customers," explained the excited Ballmer to a room full of reporters.

Immense video displays were used to show images of the new customisable BSOD screen side-by-side with the older static version. Users can select from a collection of "BSOD Themes," allowing them to instead have a Mauve Screen of Death or even a Paisley Screen of Death. Graphics and multimedia content can now be incorporated into the screen, making the BSOD the perfect conduit for delivering product information and entertainment to Windows users.

The Blue Screen of Death is by far the most recognised feature of the Windows (tm) operating system, and as a result, Microsoft has historically insisted on total control over its look-and-feel. This recent departure from that policy reflects Microsoft's recognition of the Windows desktop itself as the "ultimate information portal." By default, the new BSOD will be configured to show a random selection of Microsoft product information whenever the system crashes. Microsoft channel partners can negotiate with Microsoft for the right to customise the BSOD on systems they ship.

Major computer resellers such as Compaq, Gateway, and Dell are already lining up for premier placement on the new and improved BSOD.

Ballmer concluded by getting a dig in against the Open Source Community. "This just goes to show that Microsoft continues to innovate at a much faster pace than open source. I have yet to see any evidence that Linux even has a BSOD, let alone a customisable one."

-- Y2KGardener (govegan@aloha.net), February 23, 2000

Answers

Y2K G

Your killing me. We deal with this every day. I'm changing mine to the Red, White and Blue screen of Death.

Keep your...

-- eyes_open (best@wishes.2all), February 23, 2000.

In this way MS will have the SOD (a much better name than the BSOD)And soon we will have the custom SOD, not to be confused with your basic SOD.

-- Its (all@conspriacy.com), February 23, 2000.

I always thought the Blue Screen Of Death should have been named Screen Of Blue [SOB].

-- justme (justme@myhouse.com), February 23, 2000.

Yep, I always call mine an SOB, but without the acronym shorthand.

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), February 23, 2000.

Hokie, that's what I say when I'm in a GOOD mood and the thing goes down LOL

-- justme (justme@myhouse.com), February 23, 2000.

Could we maybe add a sound effect? Like:

1) A Scream.....

2) A flushing sound

3) "Oh, S***!"

4) "Did you know that Linux is available for only $50 from Red Hat (or whomever...)?"

5) Ahoogah (klaxon)

6) "This device will self-destruct in 10 seconds. This device will self-destruct in 9 seconds. This device will self-destruct..."

-- Mad Monk (madmonk@hawaiian.net), February 24, 2000.

I think this is what you're looking for - 131K but DEFINITELY a keeper!

Winaargh. wav: Right-click to save or just click to listen

-- Y2KGardener (govegan@aloha.net), February 24, 2000.