OT: Bill of No Rights

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We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

If you agree, we strongly urge you to forward this to as many people as you can. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you should you not forward it. We just think it is about time common sense is allowed to flourish - call it the age of reason revisited.

Written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA.


-- Jimmy Splinters (inthe@dark.com), February 22, 2000


"We, the sensible people of the United States..."

Beats the subtext on the original, "We, the white male land and slave owners of the United States..."

I take the point about the culture of victimhood. I work 60 hours a week so that I can make enough to give my (single planned) child good education and health care. I can't help but imagine that the half of my earnings that vanishes in taxes is going right down the gaping gullet of some trailer park blob who's crowning ambition is to appear on Oprah, possibly on "Woman who couple with pizza delivery guys to add to their packs of feral children"

Something's not right with that picture.

-- _ (_@_._), February 22, 2000.

This is often attributed to various Republicans, but it was actually authored by a member of the Libertarian Party. I will seek some attribution for this and report back.

Just keeping everyone honest.

-- Bob White (not.a@libertarian.org), February 22, 2000.


Gonna take the liberty of passing that along to a few select friends.

It is sure to trigger a few 'uh huh's and grins!


-- redeye in ohio (not@work.com), February 22, 2000.


That's how I got it. Since I'm the resident tinfoil hat, Y2K, NWO, Chemtrail, etc. kook at my office (a position I'm happy to hold), everyone sends me stuff to see if they can get a rise out of me. Interesting how many of them will seek me out privately, with furtive glances left and right to make sure no one catches them talking to me.

I especially liked the one about not blaming the tool mfg. if you stick a screwdriver in your eye. HAHAHA! (Or spill hot coffee all over your helpless, whining self.)


-- Jimmy Splinters (inthe@dark.com), February 22, 2000.

Bob White

You are correct. This was written by Lewis Napper, a Libertarian. He describes himself as a slightly paranoid militant Libertarian.

He is one of my favorite satirist- humorist.

-- Lucy (lifeisgoodher@webtv.net), February 22, 2000.

Bob & Lucy,

Thank you both for your diligence regarding the authorship of the "Bill of No Rights". As mentioned above, I received this via email from a colleague and posted it because I felt people on this forum would appreciate it. Shame on me for not verifying the credits.

How is it that an essay floating around in the public domain gets tagged with someone's name that simply didn't write it? Are people really that desperate to claim someone else's credit? Man, where is Dagny Taggert when you need her??!!


-- Jimmy Splinters (inthe@dark.com), February 22, 2000.


Sure can have fun tweakin' them them 'furtive glances' types!

Usually all they really want is reassurance -- something along the lines of 'no, the water treatment plants are not computerized', or 'no, that fungus probably is not a sign that this building is infected with Legionairre's Disease'.

Always have fun with the 'consultants? oh, THOSE consultants...' bit.

Gotta back off a tad when they start lookin' like br. rabbit in the middle of a pack of hungry coyotes out in the middle of a golf course, though -- that 'call security and fetch the straightjacket again' stuff gets kind of old.

Not to mention gets other folks wonderin' what the heck you were tellin' 'em before they started twitchin' and babbling.

The trick seems to be to send them away with that kindof ashen-faced, thousand-yard-stare look -- the kind that nobody else in their right mind wants to ask 'what's wrong' about.

Hereabouts it isn't usually me that they foreward this kind of stuff to -- I learned a long time back to keep a low, low profile in some matters.

-- redeye in ohio (not@work.com), February 22, 2000.


LOL!! Yeah, you're right. I should keep a lower profile but it's just so much fun to "yank their chains", as they say. And what the Hell...they expect me to be a kook. Who am I to disappoint my adoring fans? ;-)


-- Jimmy Splinters (inthe@dark.com), February 22, 2000.

Lucy -- many thanks for the info. You've saved me time and effort! :)

Johnny -- don't sweat it on the authorship thing. I live in Georgia, and I know that Mitchell Kaye isn't smart enough to have written that! I've seen the same thing associated with Bob Barr, Newt Gingrich, Ronald Reagan and George, Sr. Something tells me that none of those fine gentlemen would care to be associated with the Libertarian Party, no matter how much they might happen to agree with the Bill of No Rights.

At any rate, Johnny, incorrect attribution, when done innocently, is nothing to be ashamed of. Just say your mea culpas with good grace, and all is forgiven. Go and post some more, young man. :)

-- Bob White (not.a@libertarian.org), February 22, 2000.

The Sun comes up and the Sun goes down, I just got up, and its Time to lay down. the Tin Roof leaks and the Chimney leans I just ate the last of my Pork and Beans.... Life gets tedious,don' it??

-- less&less to eat (Broke@last.no cash), February 23, 2000.

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