And what's the worst movie you've ever seen?

From the list in the article, I'd probably vote for Pauly Shore and Madonna. I haven't seen any of their "worst film of the decade" nominees, but the worst film I've ever seen was Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, closely followed by The Blair Witch Project and a few Russ Meyer films.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Answers

The worst film I saw this year was the appalling Eyes Wide Shut, that I cannot believe was shut out of the Razzies. I demand a recount! The worst film that I have ever seen, however, that I will argue strenuously over it being the worst film ever made (and HAVE, at Nancy of Perforated Lines' after Christmas party!), is The Road to Wellville. I also really hate Mrs. Doubtfire, Toys, China Moon, We're No Angels, and Nine Months but The Road to Wellville was so bad that it made me want to dedicate my life to making certain that no- one else has to suffer through it like I did. My friend John feels the same way about Mad Love.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

The worst movie I have ever seen... hmmm... well, my husband made me sit through both Mortal Kombat movies, but those are just as bad as you'd expect them to be, so they hardly count. Personally, I loathed Titanic (I hated both Jack and Rose and couldn't wait for at least one of them to drown.) and The Phantom Menace. I fell asleep during part of it, and only woke up because my butt went numb.

I guess Andie MacDowell would be my choice for worst actress. She's pretty and all, but all she's capable of doing is standing there and looking vacant.

mary-ellen.diaryland.com

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

The worst movie I actually watched all the way through was Steve McQueen's 1968 police "thriller" Bullitt.

My best friend and I went to the video rental place and he picked Bullitt. I thought it looked like it would suck but he insisted he had heard plenty of good things about it. "And it's got Steve McQueen, man, Steve McQueen!." We got back to his place, he popped the video into the machine, and he assured me, "this is going to be great."

About 10 minutes into it we started laughing. It was bad. Oh man was it bad. "It's going to get better any minute now," he assured me.

It never did. We laughed all the way through it, with me making fun of what a "great" movie it was and him playing the straight man, insisting it would get better any minute now.

Bullitt has been our definition of a bad movie ever since. It seems to be highly rated over at Amazon, mainly on the basis of an "excellent" car chase. How could we have failed to appreciate the lengthy car chase? I also see it won an Oscar for Best Film Editing. How could we have missed the excellent editing?

There are surely worst movies out there, but Bullitt remains our favorite worst movie.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Ever since I saw "A Stranger Among Us," I haven't been able to take Melanie Griffith seriously. Her acting in that was just plain bad.

The worst movie I've ever seen (that probably few people have heard of) is "Meet the Feebles." One of the tag lines for this "epic" was 'Hell has no fury like a hippo with a machine gun.' Uh-huh.

As for movies other folks might have seen, there's always "Mame," with Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur. It's so bad that I actually really like it.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

The worst movie I think I've ever seen was The Bad Lieutenant. There have been times when I wished wholeheartedly that I could get my two hours back, but after watching that piece of fetid bovine excrement I wanted an exponential amount of time back. Say three weeks.

My worst actor nominee would have to be Tom "like Top Gun except" Cruise, unless of course we're giving the award for acting straight. Worst actress goes to the shrill and untalented Rosie Perez. The nanny is bad, but Rosie can kill a dog at thirty paces with that voice.

Also, not that you asked, but I disagree with Jerry Lewis as the world's least funny comedian. That honor should be reserved for Garry Shandling and no one else. The man is so unfunny it makes me ill just thinking about it. An honorable mention goes to Charles Grodin, of course.

DinoNeil (feeling uncharacteristically catty today)

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

I was gonna say Sylvester Stallone, but damn... Pauly Shore... Eeesh. I just don't watch anything with him in it. As for Stallone, my father was walking through the room during a review of F.I.S.T., when Stallone roared out something like "the union's not gonna fold!"; my father pointed out, "thank god there's still work for unintelligible actors."

Worst actress would be Denise Crosby, leading directly into worst movie, Eliminators, which was the last movie Denise made before STNG. Apparently nobody on the production crew saw the movie... Laserblast was pretty bad, too, and I didn't make it through Toys, and I seem to recall something about movies with Don Knotts and Dom DeLuise in them, but I believe I'm suppressing those memories, and that's a good thing.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Hmmm, worst movie of the year would seem at first to be a tie between Austin Powers II (all recycled jokes, none of which were funny the second time around) and The Jar Jar Binks show. But neither of those movies could be as bad, in a completely unredeeming (i.e. not bad and fun) way as The Jack Bull, a made for HBO western starring John Cusak.

See, Scott and Erica and I had gone to Wes' Rib House for some damn good ribs and decided we needed to top the night off with a really manyly western, preferable Hang Em High or Pale Rider. Something with lots of shooting of people and hitting in the face with shovels or sledgehammers. But when we got to the video store they didn't have any Clint Eastwood westerns, so we settled for this western starring John Cusak.

Any western who's protagonist says he wants to settle things nonviolently, through the court system, sucks.

It was the most painfully dull thing I have seen ever.

Worst movie of the Decade... I happened to like some of those movies they mentioned, especially Hudson Hawk. Get Shorty was pretty damned bad, I have no idea why anyone thought it was so hip. In fact, I think John Travolta may win my nomination for worst actor, although it's hard to compete with Pauly Shore, or Gilbert Godfried for that matter.

Get Shorty was bad, but not quite bad enough. I'd say Air Bud II may take that prize.

Worst Actress - well to get serious here for a minute, it really sucks that most actresses are not given a chance to be good in Hollywood, just to be pretty. It's hard to tell which actresses are good and bad when almost all female parts are exactly the same.

What year was LAdybugs made? I had to watch that on a plane once.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Easily, the worst film I saw this decade (I can't think of in my entire life, because I've seen a bunch of bad movies) is "Lie Down With Dogs." Lee and I caught that on cable one night. It's supposed to be about gay men on Fire Island...or something. I think. Incomprehensible, offensive to everyone, and evidently only made because independent filmmakers thought simply having gay characters was enough.

Oh! There's also "Hardware," which sounds like a porn movie, but is actually the dullest horror/science fiction movie ever made. 9/10ths of it takes place in some woman's apartment where she s-l-o-o-o-o-o-o- o-w-l-y builds a robot, thinking it's an art project. Then it kills a bunch of people. Then it ends.

I don't think you can call Pauly Shore or Adam Sandler the worst actors out there because they're not really called upon to "act" in their movies. They're sort of like circus attractions.

I think the worst actor currently working is Kevin Costner. He has one expression, and doesn't even use *that* convincingly. I'd say Rose MacGowin (sp?) is the worst actress, for the same reason. At least she seems to realize that she's a miserable actress, and just seems to have fun.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

I'm surprised nobody has yet mentioned Keanu Reeves.

I think Keanu has taught aspiring actors an important lesson. You will (almost) never live down your first blockbuster role, in this case Bill from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Whenever I see Keanu in a serious role I end up thinking, "yeah, right, who's this stoner trying to kid?" Stick to stoner movies Keanu!

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

i haven't read the list, so i'll be true to myself and say that my vote for worst actress goes to callista flockhart. i think i'm being fair - aside from the fact that i can't stand the sight of her, every role i've seen her play has been ally mcbeal-ish. honestly, is there *anyone who likes the ally mcbeal character? i'll have to think about the worst actor some more. the worst movie i've ever seen was _star trek 5_.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Least funny comedian: tie between Gary Shandling and Richard Lewis. Ugly personalities in pain are not funny, guys. If you're going to market your angst, you have to be at least a little sympatico. Paula Pundstone and Jane Garafolo have essentially the same shtick, but they're closer to funny because you can root for them.

Least attractive sex symbol: Melanie Griffith -- never could understand her appeal. It's probably best not to go into the details. Runner-up: Darryl Hannah. Those haddock eyes. 'Nuff said.

Worst movie: Or at least, worst let-down from a movie that could have been good: Congo. The book was sort of fun -- the movie made me pine for Blame It On Rio (you know, the movie for middle aged pedophiles, where the married guy sleeps with his daughter's friend on a beach during Carnaval?).

Worst actor ever (there is no runner-up): The guy who played the President of the United States (a cameo role) in The Fifth Element. I couldn't figure out whether he won the role in a sweepstakes or was intended to be some sort of satirical comment. The Fifth Element can't be the worst movie, because no one expected anything from it.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

There are a lot of really bad scifi/fantasy movies out there -- much to my shame.

Why is it that the genre works so much better on paper than in celluloid?

Anyway, most of my unpleasant movie experiences of the worser kind have been with scifi, fantasy or horror films, which is funny, because I'm a die-hard scifi/fantasy fan.

I think I said this once before in a similar question, but I _still_ think that Brain Dead starring Bill Pullman was a horrible flim.

I don't know if I can finger a worst actor/actress of the _century_ either -- so I'll settle for th 90s:

Worst Actor -- A toss up between Keanu Reeves and Kevin Costner Together they are poster boys for the school of singular facial mode acting.

Worst Actress -- Gwyneth Paltrow What on _earth_ was that statuette for? I saw Shakespeare in Love -- Cate Blanchett and Emily Watson were robbed I say. Robbed.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

I graduated with a film degree, so I've seen tons of BAD films ... and was responsible for making a few of them myself. These were chosen because they represent True Evil that had plenty of opportunity to get stomped, but somehow lived to infect more people than they deserved to.

Worst Movie ever: The Thin Red Line.

Artsy-unintelligible movies are a dime a dozen, but at least they have no budget and you have to LOOK for them. This one had the budget and distribution of a studio, so the crime gets multiplied. To be fair, there's a very good half-hour or more in the middle as an action movie within an angsty "woe is me" THREE HOUR dirge. By the end we were all yelling that we wanted them ALL to die.

Worst actor ever: Albert Brooks.

WHO KEEPS GIVING THIS NO-TALENT NAVEL GAZER THE MONEY TO MAKE FILMS? Trapped on a plane once with some stupid "trial in heaven" flick of his. Stopped listening after a half hour, but you can't help but notice the picture once in a while, and it wasn't hard to keep up. 'Oh, what's Albert going to do next'; it's like watching the fools in Party of Five make the same mistakes over and over, except with an annoying, clingy, middle-aged ugly man. He makes Woody Allen look like a nice party guest. And his stuff is labelled 'comedy?' Gah!

Worst Actress ever: Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock

I'll have to pass on this category. But I don't know why their careers just keep going, they're not capable of any range of character.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Oh, and I forgot to say: Tom Cruise grows to look more and more like Michael Jackson with each passing year. that is all.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Personally I don't pay an awful lot of attention to actors & actresses, so I'll have to stick to the worst movie I've ever seen and the award goes to (drum roll please) "Even Dwarves Started Small", made in 1970 by great German weirdo Werner Herzog. How can you not hate a film which ends with a 5-minute shot of a dwarf standing next to a camel and giggling its stunted little head off? If you haven't previously heard of this film, then I apologise profusely for bringing it to your attention.

Tonight We Sleep In Separate Ditchesall the (s)hits and more

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Worst actor: Billy Baldwin would be the obvious choice. One look at his brother Alec and you know where all the talent in that family was distributed. But in the end the guy who really makes my skin crawl is Kevin Spacey. I don't care what anybody says - that man is one sick puppy.

Worst actress: Catherine Zeta Jones. That woman's got less pizzazz than your average Barbie doll. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if she is a Barbie doll. A Barbie doll who had an encounter with the Baron of Frankenstein, that is.

Worst movie of the decade: Fair Game (1995). Cindy Crawford is actually a worse actress than Ms. Jones, but at least she didn't make a career out of it and went right back to modelling. A sensible choice.

Worst movie ever: 'A Chorus Line'. Oh, for a time machine and a machine gun.....

-- Anonymous, February 18, 2000

Worst actress: Diane Keaton. Worst actor: Clint Eastwood.

Worst movie I've seen lately: Firelight. A period movie with anachronism and a ridiculous plot.

-- Anonymous, February 18, 2000

Worst actor Kevin Spacey? Are you nuts? Sure he makes your skin crawl. He's usually playing skin-crawly characters. But did you see The Ref?

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2000

Worst movie must be "Heavens Gate"

It killed the orginal studio company 20th century Fox didn't it?

Although, they've regrouped I guess.

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2000

Get Shorty was pretty damned bad, I have no idea why anyone thought it was so hip.

I liked Get Shorty because it mirrored the world in that too many people, to my tastes anyway, are bad bluffers. John Travolta (even though his talking about his wife's silent birth kind of creeps me out), in this movie, shows us who all of the bad bluffers are trying to act like. And he doesn't even do it all that often, like when he gushes Renee Russo, he starts naming her most obscure film appearances off the top of his head.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2000

Okay, it's hardly worth mentioning all the people who had other careers that they thought could easily be slid into Acting... Madonna, Whitney Houston, various model-type creatures... Like Mortal Kombat movies (and Conan and Red Sonja movies) the exception is if they're any good.

Worst actress, because so woefully overhyped: Gwyneth Paltrow. Please, someone stop her doing any more British roles. She can't British-accent her way out of a paper bag. And if she MUST do period, WHALEBONE THE SHIT out of her skinny little bod so she stops slumping in that pathetically un-period fashion.

Worst actor: Brad Pitt. If I may quote: "he's pretty and all, but all he's capable of doing is standing there looking vacant." Helloooooo, Brad! Is anyone actually home in there? Or do they work you by remote control?

Dishonorable Mention: Everyone in The Matrix. Only the driving techno-beat kept me awake through that parade of sleepwalkers.

Dishonorable Mention II: Kenneth Branagh in Hamlet. Dear Mr. Branagh, if you insist on playing young Hamlet at forty-whatever, please give a miss to the extreme close-ups. You came off most disfavourably in the Wrinkle Comparison with your mother. Also, there's this thing about cinema: it favours subtlety. Pray modify your facial gymnastics just a tad. Particularly if you are going to bring the camera in for another closeup. And don't spit on the camera.

It has already been mentioned how bad most science fiction/fantasy movies are... what does it say for my intelligence that I keep going to see them? (Though The Crow was, I must say, quite entertainingly bad. The reaction of the devoted little Goths in the front row to my and my escort's helpless laughter was even more entertaining.) Meet the Feebles! Oooohhhh, there's some painful memories there! You're right, that's some bad.

I'd also throw in a vote for The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I hate, hate, hate when directors convey Speaks in Foreign Tongue by having English-speaking actors speak with vaguely European accents.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2000

Worst actor : Robin Williams; he was great in The World According To Garp and Dead Poet Society but since then the only caracter he tends to plays is "Robin Williams" and it irritates me.
Worst actress : Robin Williams too !

-- Anonymous, February 23, 2000

worst actor is Pauley Shore. Creeps me out. Worst actress has got to be Madonna. The alltime worst film I have ever seen was rented at our local video store. They only had it because one of the locals had a bit part in it. It was named The Sentinel, and it involved a space creature that left acid on everything it touched. You couldn't see it, but if you touched anything it did you would dissolve. The people decide that they should throuw cats at everything to see if things are infected. Cats become more valuable than anything and are used as currency. Two of the more memorable scenes are the townspeople gathered around a Dr. Seuss book (one fish..) chanting The Lords Prayer, and a scene where the next town over is raiding our heros. One of the men shouts "Save the cats! Oh yeah! Get the women and children too." A bad movie, but I would watch it again to see if it is as bad as I remember.

-- Anonymous, February 24, 2000

I have to disagree that Gwyneth can't do a British accent. I think that in "Ripley," she sounded like a Brit trying to do an AMERICAN accent. Very disconcerting when Cate Blanchett sounds more American than Gwynnie does.

God, I forgot about Even Cowgirls Get The Blues. That movie is an atrocious piece of dreck if I ever saw one.

-- Anonymous, February 24, 2000

Without readiung the responses, I have to put Keanu Reeves in the "Hall of Shame" or the "Hall of Lame". This applies specifically to his role in the movie "Dracula" I could actually see the cue cards reflected in his eyes as he read. His british "accent" was horrid and more remniscient of Bill & Ted's(which for the record was not a period piece). The movie was shot well. But, I could not get over the casting of Keanu in this role. Please!

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2000