Did you take the E!Online quiz? Did it say you were shallow like me, or are you one of those people who likes meaningful relationships? Don't lie to us; we know when you're being deceitful.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Answers

Well I took it twice the first time I did the girls be cause I dig girls can't be helped and I got "when Ozzy meets Harriet" the the second time I did boys because I wanted to see what would happen (and who the choices were) and I got "when Ozzy meets Harriet" again. How strange.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Kerouac ... Jack Kerouac

Like most great lovers and all great poets, you know it's the soul that matters most. Physical beauty is fleeting, and you recognize that - not that you're against it, mind you, but hip clothes and the perfect coif are less important than your lover's hand-written pourings and arms wrapped around you as the sun sets. Your dream mate is waiting for you in a coffeehouse somewhere, or perhaps in a therapist's office trying to come to terms with sexuality.

... That's pretty accurate. I have managed to overcome my prejudice against bad spellers, but not against bad writers. I'm starting to like these tests.

Then I took it again and it said Ozzie, Meet Harriet. Probably because that time it gave me Seth Green against Nicolas Brendon, which is a choice one should never have to make, and Xander had the more flattering picture.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

I have to admit that I didn't know who most of these people are, and in some pairs I had to answer it as "which would you mind doing less". I did it for boys and then girls, and for both, got that I value beauty over substance and should move to LA. That's not too far off.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

I got Ozzie meet Harriet for the guys....commitment anyone? And then I got Yo, Adrian! when I did the girls indicating that I thought commitment was a four letter word. Okay, so twist my arm... I'm gonna marry Jude Law and have a fling with Catherine Zeta-Jones. ;-)

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Hooters at 8, don't be late.

I'm shallow too. In fact I'm a dreamer and I should consider moving to LA.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

The first question just freaked me out. Bart Simpson vs. Eric Cartman?? Well, I continued on and did both versions of the test, though at times my answers were along the lines of "who would I rather NOT do."

Guys: Hooters at 8, don't be late.

Sure, beauty is only skin deep, but you do recognize that what's on the surface DOES count. Implants have their virtues.

A sucker for deep, sensitive eyes, it doesn't really matter to you if there's a world of nothingness behind them. Hey, good conversation is available ANYWHERE.

In love and in a mate, you have high standards and even higher hopes. You are a dreamer. You should consider mving to L.A.

Girls: Ozzie, meet Harriet.

You value hard work and good, clean living. You have a healthy respect for the family-themed '50's. You might find love over a glass of chardonnay at the symphony or at a dinner party with friends.

You're not afraid to cut loose -- you just do it behind closed doors. While your ideal mate live mainly in celluloid -- occasionally laving you alone with cold, hard reality -- you are strident in your desire for what you see as perfection.

Hang tight. The '50's will be back... eventually.

Apparently, I want a boytoy or June Cleaver.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

I got "Yo, Adrian" for the guys: I would like to point out that it's entirely untrue.

I also got the whole Ozzie/Harriet thing. I think somehow E! knows it's a bunch of girls pretending to be boys, and has it set up. That, and they have some skank girls to choose from. I mean, I don't really want to sleep with ANYONE on the cast of Dawson's Creek.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

I got "Yo Adrian" on both the guys and the girls. Though I have to admit that for a lot of the folks on there, I had no idea who in sam hill they were.

To boot, they put more than one set of "I'd Do Both" opposite each other.

Boo hiss.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000