Not sure this humor - its actually VERY SAD>

From Tom Atlee... Although I do believe it is time to get serious about strengthening our democracy, I must admit I'm delighted to run across some brilliant humor about how crazy it's become. The exchange of correspondence below will be particularly appreciated by anyone who has written their representative about some issue of importance to them. One secret to appreciating it: Keep reading. For the first few exchanges between Mr. Bausch and his Senator, it may seem like it's not going anywhere. But by the fourth exchange (the eighth major paragraph) things start to pick up remarkably! However, you have to at least have skimmed what came before to appreciate what happens next... Enjoy. -- Coheartedly, Tom [Thanks for John Steiner for passing this one on.]

REPRESENTATIVE GOVERNMENT - A CORRESPONDENCE

>From an e-mail correspondence conducted this winter by the novelist Richard Bausch and Senator John Warner (R., Va.). Portions of the exchange appeared in the February 15 issue of the New York Observer. Bausch is the author, most recently, of "Someone to Watch Over Me", a collection of stories, published by Harper Flamingo. Read on......

Dear Senator Warner,

The impeachment of President Clinton is going to be remembered as the manner in which the radical right finally brought the Republican Party, the party of Lincoln, down. Nothing Clinton did or didn't do endangers the republic; this trial does. I urge you to seek an end to this madness, this nearly McCarthyesque vendetta by a group of zealots who seem willing to trample everything in order to accomplish their purpose - what Senator Bumpers called "wanting to win too badly."

Sincerely, Richard Bausch

---

Dear Fellow Virginian:

It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

Sincerely, John Warner United States Senator

---

Dear Senator Warner,

Is it to be the contention of the party that ONLY Republicans are following the Constitution, and that the entire Democratic Party is trying to circumvent it? Americans are not the dupes some of your colleagues apparently think they are. The people, quite clearly, see this for what it is: a partisan attack on the presidency. It is very difficult to suppose that the lines of conflict would fall so sharply along party lines if EVERYBODY were voting his conscience. I believe you are. I very much admired your refusal to support the election of Oliver North a few years back. I believe you have the courage to stand against the kind of animus toward a man that may end up changing this government against the expressed will of the people.

Sincerely, Richard Bausch

---

Dear Fellow Virginian:

It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

Sincerely, John Warner United States Senator

---

Dear Senator Warner,

I see from this answer that your writers have crafted a global response letter to be used in all cases. The letter THIS letter answers was the SECOND letter I sent, and was in response to THIS letter. So it is as though I am addressing one of those Chatty Cathy dolls, where you pull the string, and the same words come out, no matter what ELSE is said. In fact, I'm sure I'll get this same form letter in answer to THIS e-mail. I hope you are true to form.

Richard Bausch (Fellow Virginian)

---

Dear Fellow Virginian:

It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

Sincerely, John Warner United States Senator

---

Dear Senator Warner:

This is so much fun, this very direct and concerned correspondence. Let me say here that I think walla walla and didda didda and booka booka poo. Also, I think you should doola doola obla obla dip de dip dip. And it seems to me that our country badda bing badda boom badda ling ling ling, and that even so your responses show such pesty in flamma lamma ding dong. So in these times when democracy is at breakfast, asleep in the arms of the alimentary bood, that you are certainly bendicky to the concerns of your liperamma damma fizzle foodee dingle dangle dreb of our society, and the good thing is that ordinary citizens can actually get the pring that you have their fandaglee doodity in mind as you press forward with the concerns of government.

Sincerely, Richard Bausch

---

Dear Fellow Virginian:

It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

Sincerely, John Warner United States Senator

---

Dear Senator Warner,

It really is time to call this off, since our relationship has moved to a state of such intimacy. When you say "Fellow Virginian," I know you mean so much more. I know this is more of your unusual reserve, your - how shall I put it? - sausage and eggs. I really am unable to continue, being married and a Catholic. So regretfully I say farewell. One concerned citizen to a clambake; one Virginian to a baked Alaska. I remain ever faithful, ever the liver and onions, my lover, my poppyseed, my darling.

With sweat socks and deep appreciation, Richard Bausch

---

Dear Fellow Virginian:

It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

Sincerely, John Warner United States Senator

---

Dear Senator Warner,

May I request here, with all due respect and with full appreciation of our long-held affection for each other, that you stop harassing me with these letters. I have said that we must call this off, and I now again respectfully adjure you to cease. I am especially troubled by your persistence in using your little endearment for me - do You mean it ironically? I only let my closest friends and associates call me "Fellow Virginian," and would think that, since we are going our separate ways, you would know that I wish you to revert back to your old term for me, the one that used to amuse you so much - oh, remember? You'd say it and then laugh so hard: "voter," you'd say, and then guffaw guffaw. It used to make you so silly, that word. You'd laugh and laugh. Remember? And then I'd say "representative government," and you'd have to run to the bathroom. But that is all past. We have to move on now. Oh, well, all right, once more for you, for old times' sake, I'll use our endearment in closing.

I remain, then, trusting you to adhere to my wishes, your little "voter," your "Fellow Virginian," Richard Bausch

---

Dear Fellow Virginian:

It is important that you have provided me with your views concerning the impeachment of President Clinton. I share your deep concern, and I assure you that I am proceeding in a manner that aims to preserve the integrity of the United States Constitution and to provide fairness and due process to all involved parties. I am listening carefully to the views of the people of Virginia, and I commit to you that I will reach decisions based not on politics but rather on the best interests of the nation.

Sincerely, John Warner United States Senator

-- Sheri (wncy2k@nccn.net), February 12, 2000

Answers

Sadly enough, this does not apply to gov only. This represents the majority of "customer service" we recieve as well!

Is there a sign-up sheet for the revolution anywhere on the web?? Personally, I prefer the pitchfork method over strapping an explosive device to one's mid-section......better odds of surviving.

:)

-- Will continue (farming@home.com), February 12, 2000.

Nice to hear someone's still thinking bout their pitchfork! ;^)

-- miss doze good ole daze, sorta (allaha@earthlink.net), February 12, 2000.

Destined to become a dot gov CLASSIC!

Just finished reading it from Tom and was going to post. You beat me to it Sheri.

*Grin*

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), February 12, 2000.

For any questions related to anything: PRESS 1. My love for the new automated way of life runs deep. It`s impersonal approach is truly touching. Customer service is beyond reproach and has never been better. What once took 1 minute now takes an hour. The automated future looks bright. God help us.

-- NoJo (RSKeiper@aol.com), February 12, 2000.

allaha, I miss 'em too (mostly)! Still have plenty of rope and keepin' my eye on the dope. Traded my hoard of Skoal for some new tires....

-- Will continue (farming@home.com), February 12, 2000.