For those of us still without a clue this year, please tell us a great gift you have given or received for Valentine's day. Odd thing, 2 years a go I gave her a bread maker against everyone's advice, and she loved it. Roses are passe, and don't last long enough. Hmmm, all the ads say jewelry, and she does have that jewelry armoire. Just don't want to be like everyone else.

-- Anonymous, February 10, 2000

Answers

Some years ago (eek, 15??) when I was really into Dungeons and Dragons (darn, closer to 20!!) Rich got me a stuffed dragon (he hates stuffed animals) wearing a banner sash: "I would slay a dragon for you." He also hates this type of sentimental slush. I loved it. Still do.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

I can't answer this question because I hate Valentine's Day. It always makes single people feel bad, and it makes couples feel bad because someone didn't do enough for the holiday. The people who have a good time on Valentine's Day are probably the people who are least in need of a special day.

That said, I really, really like getting flowers, but frankly I'd rather get them some other day when every other woman in the office didn't get some, as well, for two reasons: one, it's more special that way, and two, it always sucks to be the one woman who didn't get any flowers.

Oh, I just remembered the best Valentine's Day gift I've gotten from Jeremy -- one year he made me his white chocolate cheese cake, which is super fattening and absolutely to die for. I don't want that this year, but it was wonderful at the time.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

The best Valentine's Day I had was one where I was actually single. Some anonymous person left a bag of Hershey Kisses in my mailbox at work; the delightful prospect of snarfing a pound of chocolate aside, it was touching to think that some friend had been kind enough to do something nice for me on a day I normally h

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

On Valentine's Day I like to make cupcakes in little red-and-white cupcake wrappers and pass them out to my friends and/or co-workers along with the most outrageous kiddie/classroom Valentine's Day cards I could find (e.g., Batman Valentines). It's a great excuse to visit people.

Nowadays I and most of my friends have an actual Valentine, which of course is generally much better than a cupcake and store-bought piece of paper. And since those last more than one day, the holiday isn't so fun to me.

The best Valentine's present I ever gave was a birdwatching book. See, I hate birdwatching, and my boyfriend loved it, so the fact that I gave this to him, leading to hours of staring at nothing since I could never see anything) really was proof that I loved him. One good Valentine present I got (from the same guy) was a dictionary. The previous year he had given me red longjohn underwear that was too small and a musical jewelry box with an evil kitty on the lid. So cute, he was trying to be romantic, but he didn't yet realize what a weirdo I was. By the next year he learned I was more into practical gifts and I got a dictionary. With a red cover. I use it all the time now.

None of this probably helps with recommendations. The best idea, for presents of any kind, is some present that only you would have known to get for your Valentine--something wonderful and surprising. Like a bread machine. Something that seems like a bit more of a splurge than what your Valentine would get for himself/herself. This year I have a boyfriend who's been unemployed for a while until recently--lots of things are splurges for him! He's been looking for a particular physics paper for many years, and I've found it reprinted in a book, so I'm getting him a physics book. Not very romantic sounding, eh? I may also splurge and get one of those coupon books with the two-for-one coupons to overpriced restaurants, since my boyfriend wants to take me to overpriced restaurants.

Although this is something lots of people do, a candle-lit dinner at home is nice; it's romantic but you don't have to deal with crowds or inflated prices. And it's still unique if you serve the right foods. I once gave someone migas (scrambled eggs mixed with hot sauce, corn tortilla pieces and cheese) with colored sprinkles on top. He didn't like sweet things but he would eat donuts anyway if they had sprinkles--he loved sprinkles. Me, I would prefer a fancy dinner of matzoh-ball soup, pizza, and chocolate cheesecake. You can call your Valentine's relatives to get ideas on this one.

Good luck, Debbie

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

I love Valentine's Day. Often I send cards/letters to my friends to let them know how much I love them all.

I don't see Valentine's Day as a "just couples" kind of event -- it's always been an "everyone you love" kind of thing for me -- kind of like when you're a kid and everyone is trading those silly little "Snoopy" valentines in school.

Often, I don't care _what_ if anything I get. It's just nice to spend some time with the people you care about -- going out for a meal, or even just hanging out with a sappy video.

For the past two years though, Sabs and I have toddled off for a romantic weekend for two in Williamsburg, VA. It's a relatively short trip for us from DC and we both _love_ history, so it makes for a nice mid-winter vacation.

All in all, the greatest gift for Valentine's I think, is the gift of your time. Time given to the people you care for.

While I do love Valentine's Day, I do think that a lot of people get themselves way too worked up about it. If you don't have a love interest, hang out with another special someone in your life: hey call a friend or family member and just spend some time talking -- it's about celebrating love in all its forms, not just couple-hood.

And finally: roses are never passe. I kept every single rose that Sabs ever gave me and hung them as decorations in my kitchen until we moved. Unfortunately they disintegrated in the move, but if we ever have a house, I will start a new collection:)

I think the most fun Valentine's gift I ever got, was my ex-bf standing in the room naked except for a rose held clenched in his teeth.

This year we're doing a "Couples Dinner" we're getting together with two friends who are also a couple and making dinner all together.

Another idea for a guy to give to a girl: a day at a spa -- massage and stress relaxer type thing.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

The best gift I ever received was a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup, but it was the new kind--I think it involves cookies. It's in a yellow package. Anyway, before Andy and I were married, he left it in my car on Valentine's Day morning with a card. (We had just discovered them the weekend before and I loved them.)

The boyfriend I had before Andy was borderline obnoxious with his lavish gifts for every occasion, and I was spoiled. So when I found this little token from Andy, I thought to myself...well, there will be more. But there wasn't.

Later that night he sensed that something was bothering me and I confessed that I was disappointed in his gift. I don't know what I expected to hear from him, but I'll never forget his reaction. He told me how much hearing that hurt his feelings because he had been pretty proud of his thoughtful efforts. He didn't apologize at all; instead, I ended up apologizing to him. I realized (not that night, but gradually) that I needed to get over myself--who the hell cares WHAT you get for Valentine's Day? I had a crappy relationship with my ex-boyfriend...so what do a bunch of expensive tokens given to me on Valentine's Day matter? The next day you're back to where you left off. Andy and I are best friends every day--he tells me loves me a thousand times a day in a thousand different ways. He doesn't have to perform for me on February 14 just to prove something.

Sorry if that sounded lame. It sounded good in my head.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

Jewellery? Hm. I'm more of a breadmaker kind of girl myself; like Amy, I once had an obnoxious ex who seemed to feel the need to "prove his love" with grand gifts and dinner with champagne, the whole dreary works. The only thing he ever gave me that I still have and love is a food processor... (Dearohdear. Wonder if that would burn his butt?)

Anyway, he used to give me jewellery. Seven "official" years we were together, plus one more as we tried to "work things out"... and over all that time, he never figured out that I wear heavy silver jewellery, and I mean all the time - I always have big chunky rings on, big dangly earrings. He used to give me like real gold floating hearts on hair-thin chains. A wee cameo once. Oy, we were so wrong for each other.

My husband and I usually don't do Valentines things. Two years ago I think, cos I felt like it and had some time, I cut out a big construction paper heart for him and did an "I Love You Alphabet" all over it. He seemed to like it... for ages he resisted all my attempts to put it, sort of, somewhere out of sight as it got tattered and faded like kids' fridge art. (I think now it's in his sock drawer.) Then Friday I was in a store that had a ring he really liked the last time we were there (a huge sterling rhinoceros beetle, that you can lift the head up and the wings open on a secret compartment). It was 25% off so I bought it. He already has it - I couldn't wait.

He gives me stuff just any old time when he sees something he thinks I would like. Books, sometimes. Weird earrings. A fossil. The other day he came into my office and put up a whole row of pictures that had been on an old roll of film he just got developed... pictures of all the flowers in our garden last summer, with a big sign that said Happy Spring! (Oh, it was Groundhog Day.)

I like that better, I think, me. Somehow he always seems to pick the day when my computer's been crapped out or I've been fighting with some damfool on the phone or didn't manage to eat any lunch or or or... He says he has something for me this year though... but I have to wait.

Anyway, if you give her jewellery, make sure you get something she'll like. (grin)

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2000

Amy --

You might be interested to know that a woman here in the DC-area won a $100.00 spa-day from a local radio station for her "Valentine Loser" story.

She too, received only a Reese's Peanut Butter cup as a gift.

However, her circumstances were somewhat different. She is a new mom, with a 7-month old child, her husband came home, flipped her the candy and then proceeded to spend the entire evening on the phone with a friend talking about politics.

Yet, the long and short of it, is that she won a spa day for getting "only a Reese's" on Valentine's Day.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2000