No holds barred. Give me what you got.

-- Anonymous, February 08, 2000

Answers

Q: What's the only thing better than getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

A: Not being in the Special Olympics at all!

Ok, so it's mean. But for whatever reason, it still makes me laugh.

-- Anonymous, February 09, 2000

So who likes semen jokes? =P Oldies but goodies...

A gay man is getting dressed for work. He walks into the kitchen, and finds his partner sitting on the kitchen counter, wildly masturbating into a Ziploc bag. The half-dressed man shrieks, "Pierre! What the hell are you doing?" to which Pierre replies, "I'm just packing your lunch!"

A girl watches a nature show, and views two deer mating. She asks her mom what they're doing, to which Mom blushes and says, "Debbie, they're baking a cake." Later, at the zoo, Debbie sees a monkey mount another and start wildly bucking. Remembering her lesson, she pulls on her mom's sleeves and points, "Are they baking a cake too Mommy?" to which Mom turns red and says, "Yes, Debbie, they're baking a cake." On the way home, Debbie says, "I know you and Daddy were baking a cake last night on the couch!" Mortified, Mom blurts, "How... how did you know?!" Debbie then smiles and admits, "I could tell, 'cuz I licked off the frosting you left."

Two sperm are swimming along, and getting confused. One turns to the other and says, "Are you sure we're going the right way?" The other scoffs, "Of course we are! We just passed the tonsils!"

-- Anonymous, February 09, 2000

Heard another offensive one at work today, from my completely offensive coworker:

Two gay men are in the back of a taxi, on their way home from dinner.

"Man, my stomach really hurts, I ate way too fast," says one of them, holding his stomach. "Just let a good fart out," says his partner. "You'll feel so much better. Just like this -- " and a noise comes out like "sssssssss."

"Hrm, maybe you're right," says the first man. "I'll try." "ssssssssssss" --- "Oh, yeah," he says, "that's much better."

The taxi driver overhears all of this, and thinks to himself, "hrm, I have to fart, too....I can do it now, and they'll never know it was me." So he farts: "thbtbtbtbtbtbt"

The two men in the back of the taxi hear him fart, and giggle to each other, "hehehe," says one to the other, "he's a virgin!"

Hrm, ok, maybe this joke isn't funny at all, and even less funny without the sound effects in person. Damn internet.

-- Anonymous, February 10, 2000

offensive jokes? me too me too!

Q: a lesbian couple and a gay couple are getting ready to go on a cruise around the world. which couple will get back first?

A: the lesbians, because they always get there lickety-split, while the gay guys take forever packing their shit.

-- Anonymous, February 10, 2000

These are some un-gross joke that I thought were really funny..

A man is walking down the street and bumps into a little girl named Daisy. She tells him that her mother gave her that name because while giving birth, a daisy petal fell on her stomache. The man later meets another little girl. "What's your name?" "Rose. When my mother was giving birth, a rose petal fell on her stomache.

The man later meets another little girl. "What's your name?" "Fridge."

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Q. What's the sound of a cat on roller skates?

A. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

Okay..i hate to be picky..but that special olympics joke..well that is mine....my ex nate told it toome and i spread the distatsefulness on to the multitudes...

the correct version of the joke:

What is better than winning a gold metal at the special olympics?

NOt being fuckin' retarded.

sorry del, but that is how it really goes and i am a stickler for perper joke telling..ithink it is the one thing iam anal about..either way..it is a sad sad joke..and i know that i am goingto hell for even cracking a smile....

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

Okay, I laughed my ass off at that retard one. I have to say. And since handicapped jokes are obviously being allowed, I'll share my particular brand of them with you: Q) what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a stage? A) mike Q) what do you call a woman with only one leg? A) Eileen Q) what do you call a chinese woman with only one leg? A) Irene Q) what do you call a guy with no arms floating in the ocean? A) bob Q) what do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, in a ditch? A) phil okay that's enough. drive thru.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2000

Hey, now, I'd like to plead my innocence about my horrible joke! It was apparently carved into the men's bathroom at the club we went to in Minnesota! So if anyone's tellin' the joke wrong, it's Mr. Vandalism at "Ground Zero." ;)

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2000