How involved should the wife be?

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My wife and I have had some discussions lately about the extent of involovement that the preacher's wife should have in the church where her husband serves. What are your recommendations and thoughts, please.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2000

Answers

My first thought is....most preacher's wives are too invovled....and I feel "Hillaryize" their husband's position as preacher. (Just my observation.)

The level of my wife's involvement...easy....whatever time is leftover after her first and primary ministry....my family.

The preacher's wife's ministry....is the preacher.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2000


Like I said Malcam.....too involved!!

BTW...one more thing....if the preacher is fooling around with the church secretary....the issue is not "them working close together." There were serious marital problems before that issue ever came up.

-- Anonymous, February 07, 2000


Exactly John!!

And to be honest, I see this a great deal more from Elder's wives.

I was actually in a situation where one elder's wife called people in the church saying, "Hi...I'm calling on behalf of......."

She was running an over the phone opinion line concerning me.

Interestingly......a lot of resistance I run in too....actually starts with elder's wives. Hmmmm

I bet no one else has ever had this experience. Hmmmmm???

-- Anonymous, February 09, 2000


My first impulse is to say that the preacher's wife should have the same involvement that anyone else in the church is called to. The fact that she is the wife of the preacher will involve her emotionally more deeply than most others, for she will share his triumphs and hurts, his joys and his burdens. I think that preacher's wives can more easily come to a state of "burn-out" than even the preacher will, because of her empathy with him and his problems.

Speaking as a preacher's son, I know that it is frightfully easy for a preacher to lay on his wife great expectations of being the "super member" of the church, and it can be very unfair to her.

Final answer from here -- the preacher's wife should be as involved in the life of the church as she chooses to be, as she tries to follow the lead of the Spirit in living out both her faith in God and her commitment to her personal family and her church family.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2000


Michael -- some thoughts:

I am not speaking for Kathy,and certainly she will join in the discussion when she is ready.

She has operated on a basic principle ... she is as involved in the Kingdom work of the local congregation as much as any other wife of any other leader ... minister, elder, etc. This is a great place to start.
Truth be told, she is involved in the Kingdom work more than just about any other leader's wife ... but by using this as a base she is able to make a point. Don't expect any more involvement out of her than other leader's wives are willing to give. Unless, of course, you want to put her on the payroll. :)

Her first ministry is to me and the children. In her case, she is a homeschooling mother, which takes up quite a bit of time. Even so, she USUALLY takes the time to teach at least one early childhood class each week, and is usually involved in teaching and leading a signing choir (not mis-spelled ... SIGN-ing, i.e. ASL). And the occassional other ministry need as she has time to give.

i have known ministers wives who were super-involved in the work of the congregation ... PTL! If that is what they are called to do, great. I would, of course, have problems if the ministry to the family was lessoned to the point of problems. Each person (minister's wife, or anyone else) must see to it they use the gifts God has entrusted them with, and use them the way God would expect them too.

Of course, if we all did that, what a happy and fruitful congregation we would have! :)

Darrell H Combs
-- Anonymous, February 06, 2000


I agree with the general statements that have been made, but I wish to post a danger that I have observed here. Our preacher's wife is also the secretary of the church. When I first came here, I thought this was a great idea to prevent any of the possible troubles that might arise with a preacher and a secretary who work close together. But the longer I am here, the more it troubles me to have them both serve in these manners.

There is no check and balance for them. They dictate what will and will not be announced via the bulletin and the newsletters (they refuse to let the youth minister submit flyers for the bulletin or put the dates of youth activities on the church's monthly newsletter and calendar of events). They dictate the entire church calendar in regards to dates for events (ie. telling the women's ministry when they can have meetings, retreats, etc.; telling the children's ministry when it can and can not have their programs [ie. they have scheduled the Sunday School Christmas program for 2000 to be Nov. 26 saying it may not be in December this year because that would be inconvenient with their time schedules for days off]; and the list goes on.) Even when the elders make a decision, they over-ride them if it goes against their timing, desires, etc. I find this to be very troubling.

So my conclusion is that even though I think the minister's wife can be and should be involved in the church, I believe there is a danger if she and her husband can use their combined influence to control the church in areas besides making certain the church is sound in doctrine and full of the love of the Spirit.

In Christ, Malcam

-- Anonymous, February 07, 2000


Enough italics already! =)

-- Anonymous, February 07, 2000

Danny, could you explain exactly what you mean by..."Hillaryize"?

Another thought, though many of you may not even have to deal with this issue...do you believe the same goes for the elders wives?

Our elders and wives are very proactive. Sometimes seeming to work as a team (which you may mean by the term Hillaryize). Is there anything wrong with husband and wife working together, whether it be preacher and his wife or elder and his wife? I think of Priscilla and Aquila.

-- Anonymous, February 08, 2000


Again, D. Lee, elders' wives, like preachers' wives, are called to be involved in the life of the church. I think it's great when leaders and their wives work together in the church. They should be involved as deeply as their desires and the Spirit lead them to be.

-- Anonymous, February 08, 2000

I think what is meant by the term, "Hillaryize," is a wife who wants to take control of everything, take over, be the one in charge. Like Hillary once said about her and Bill, "We are the President."

-- Anonymous, February 09, 2000


Michael, One other small thing that I might add to what the others are saying, follows. I have tried to make it a policy to remain in support positions through out the church. In other words I am never the head of a woman's group, not the choir director, don't lead a bible study,won't be VBS Director etc. The preacher is constantly "under fire" anyway and I don't need to add to that fire by some decision I have made in a leadership position. I am pushing it as the nursery ministry team leader as it is. This can even find me in the middle of a squabble or put me in a position of making someone upset because of a decision I have made even though the elders said I could. I plan on relinquishing this duty when my year is up. However, I will serve on commitees, not as chairperson but as support, teach a children's class or two, or some other support role. Michael it is your job to protect your wife (as I know you already do.) It is usually one of the first things Danny establishes when we are in a new ministry. In short it goes something like this..."My wife doesn't play the piano, she won't be my secretary, her first ministry is to me and my children, etc." That was it in a very small nutshell and he explains it a little nicer. But you get the picture. I don't mean to sound cynical Michael, I've just been around the block. I saw what my mother went through as a ministers wife and have lived it as a ministers wife myself. It is a shame it has to be this way. What most people in the pew don't understand is that on Monday their husband still goes to his job... while mine may lose his because of something I said or did. I don't have a problem with him losing his job over standing up for the truth. But it usually doesn't come down to doctrine but petty little things that was said or done.

-- Anonymous, February 09, 2000

See, now Danny finally agreed with Nelta! Elder's wives are meddlers, so the office of elder has to be abolished! ::laffs::

(Spoken totally in humor, using the "ACLU Logic" rules.)

But seriously:

In Baptist circles the talk is (but not always the practice) that the pastor's wife is just that: his wife. She is not the "assistant pastor" or "assistant counselor." She's just a wife. If she wants to do anything, its her choice. Of course, the practice isn't always the ideal. In the church I attend, the pastor's wife sings in the choir. That's it. Danny and Jenny have the right practice: state right up front what the wife will and won't do, so there will be no misunderstanding.

Thanks to you all for this thread. I think I will add another section now to my bi-vocational ministry training workshop about responsibilities of preacher's wives. :)

-- Anonymous, February 09, 2000


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