OT Humor - Employee Performance Reviews - MiKeY LiksIT!! aH Ha HA!!

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Just in from the Front: Thankfully, more supplies have arrived just in time; we may be able to hold our positions for a few more days...if it be in accordance with The Will of The Gods!!

(Plueeze Lordy!!!)

FWD 02-01-2000:


If you need any more ammunition, for "MORTAL KOMBAT - DEATH MATCH 2000"...these should help.

Love you,

>>> Terese & Janet <<<


Performance Reviews

If you dread performance reviews, just be glad you have never seen any of these choice quotes on the report to your boss. These were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in large U.S. corporations, no word on whether these people still have jobs, though.

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This employee is really not so much a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't-be'."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingie to hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

"It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

"One neuron short of a synapse."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

"The lights are dim, and no one is home."

"As of the completion of his initial training period, this man has honed his selling skills to about the sharpness of a marble."

-- Steve Meyers (SMeyers33@aol.com), February 02, 2000


The guy with delusions of adequacy used to work for me...

-- Mad Monk (madmonk@hawaiian.net), February 02, 2000.

LOL steve!!......thanks.....these are a hoot!

i loved:

"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."


-- mebs (andrea@mebs.lurking), February 02, 2000.

We need to write one for Employers we have known ;^)
Thanks, Steve, LOL

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), February 02, 2000.

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