What crazy-ass stuff do you convince yourself of sometimes? Besides the whole "I'm a sociology experiment and pretty soon they're releasing the flesh-eating zombies" thing, I also used to think that if I could just open the bathroom mirror fast enough, I could somehow get into the "backwards mirror land".

Am I alone in thinking this stuff up? Come on, tell me you have overactive imaginations too. I'm not alone, right?

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Answers

Well, I dunno if this counts as "crazy stuff I've convinced myself of," but once when I was younger, I saw this horror movie in which someone's disembodied head ended up in a toilet. Now each and every time I use the bathroom and the lid's down, I lift it utterly convinced that there's going to be a disembodied head in the bowl. I'm not making this up. I really do this.

I also turn magazines upside down when they're sitting around because I used to be scared of pictures that stared directly right out at you. You know, like the model on the cover of Cosmo is looking right into the camera and out at me, and might just eat up my soul if I don't turn her ass right back upside down on the table.

And then, of course, whenever I've lived alone (or now, when my roommate is out of town or whatever), each and every little noise is The Evil Burglar/Serial Killer breaking into my apartment to eat me. I can physically watch my cats knock something over, but I still think the noise is from The Evil Burglar/Serial Killer. *shrug*

I'm sure I'll think of more. I think I read way too much sci-fi/fantasy and Stephen King as a child.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

When I was about 12 I read The Shining. I normally do not scare easily. Movies never scare me and rarely does a book. But the part in The Shining where the dead woman is in the bathtub was the winner. Growing up, my bathroom was en suite to my bedroom. Everynight I had to shut the bathroom door before going to bed because I was convince that dead woman would show up in my bathtub.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Hrmmm. When I was a kid I was convinced I could change the traffic lights to green with a blast of my finger. My dad wasn't the most patient driver, so maybe this was my attempt to help him through intersections. And if they didn't turn green as I blasted them... "Well geez, it has to take some time before my traffic blast hits the signal!" Maybe my dad thought it was cute, but now I just think it's kinda weird. =)

I'm also convinced that I'm the main character in some overly- dramatic movie about twenty-somethings turmoil, but I shouldn't talk about this too much... I might somehow ruin it for all the viewers.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Oh man, Stephen King has got to be the worst for inspiring horrific scenarios in my brain.

Like, after I read "IT", I was terrified of the bathroom for weeks. That's what's great about King -- you watch "Psycho", you're terrified of the shower, but Stephen King can make you terrified of THE ENTIRE BATHROOM. Seriously, I'd go in and I'd take a shower as far away from the drain as possible, watching it like a hawk the entire time for any sign of a strange mist or a claw reaching up from it.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Oh, man, I'm always scared of the bathroom drain.

Last summer, I was staying with some friends, and there was a spider in their shower...I jumped out of the bathroom and ran out into the living room wearing only a towel, and made my friend come into the bathroom and swoosh the spider down the drain for me...I spent the rest of my visit there utterly convinced that the spider was going to rise back out of the drain and be like 8 feet tall and angry and eat me. True story.

Oh, and my fear of the disembodied heads in the toilet isn't helped by my lovely darling boyfriend, who takes all the hair that falls off his head in the shower (his hair's about 3 feet long. There's a lot of hair being shed) and drops it in the toilet after he showers. And doesn't flush. So next time I open the lid and look for the head...there's a bunch of hair! Argh! Scary!

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

For as long as I can remember, I've been convinced my life is only a dream. I know, that sounds lame, but it's just something I kinda believe. Part of me really thinks that I'm about eight years old, in grade three.. Mrs Rae is still my teacher.. and that I'll suddenly wake up from this really strange dream where I dreamed my whole life. What is weird, is that I sometimes put a lot of thought into my reaction to this "dream".. as an eight year old.. will I remember it? What will I learn from it? laugh about? What will I tell others about it? How will it affect my future decisions? Will I mark time differently? Wait for deaths to see if this dream was prophesy of some sort, or if it was just a big pizza dream? And.. will I do things similarly or differently, and as an eight year old, will I know enough to compare dream vs reality? Yeah, so I'm pretty convinced.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

What disturbs me the most about that last comment is the idea that I might be a character in YOUR DREAM.

Creepy.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Maybe it's a cop-out to keep referring to things I convinced myself of as a kid (since kids convince themselves of alot), but thanks to all of the vampire movies of the eighties that I watched over and over again, sometimes I'd walk home late at night in the dark and if it ever got really quiet, I'd be convinced that somewhere above and behind me, a vampire was slowly gliding towards my neck. I'm sure it was a scene in one of those movies, but even today if I'm walking alone in the still night, sometimes if I get a creepy feeling I'll pick up the pace a little bit and pull up my collar. =)

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I believe that spatulas are always scorching hot and ready to bite me. If somebody waves a spatula around at me, I get seriously scared...how messed up is that? I can use spatulas just fine (provided I pick them up by their handles when they are in the appropriate storage case), but when somebody else has one, don't wonder why I stay away.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Do you mean a spatula or a flipper? Many people say "spatula" in error when they really mean "flipper." I firmly believe it's contributing to the moral decline of our country today.

I'm just sayin'.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I don't want to contribute to the moral decline of society, so I amend my last post and assure everybody who cares that I'm afraid of flippers, not spatulas.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Plastic or metal flippers? Maybe I'm not educated enough, but what exactly is the difference between a flipper and a spatula? Also, some companies make serrated spatulas; the idea is that you can use the same utensil to spread your mayonnaise or mustard and cut the sandwich in half, too. Would such an instrument cause you to completely bug out and run?

I'm just sayin', too

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Not only are you a character in MY DREAM, jan.. I just *MIGHT* wake up a visionary. You see, if I am really only eight years old and dreaming up all of this, it's only 1979.. does the internet even exist yet? I'm going to wake up RICH RICH RICH. This idea HAS to be worth millions...

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

ok, it's normal to get freaked out by stephen king books, but only i can get freaked out by TERRY PRATCHETT BOOKS.

there was a scene in one of the discworld novels where someone was stuck between two mirrors, and when she looked way down into the infinite reflections of herself, she could see something rushing up to meet her.

somehow this imagery really scared the shit out of me. so now whenever i'm between two mirrors (e.g. at four in the morning in the public restroom at shari's), i become completely panicked and have to get away. hi, big winner!

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2000