OT HUMOR ** Too Good 2 Miss!! ** FUNNIEST Job App You'll EVER see! ROFLAMOPIMP!!!greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida . . . and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes.? Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
-- Steve Meyers (SMeyers33@aol.com), January 31, 2000
Well, they hired him because there is a labor shortage. I don't know too many managers who would hire a smart-ass if they had a choice!
-- Ceemeister (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 31, 2000.
Good midnight laugh!
But why would he want to work for an employer who would hire the likes of him?
Oh well, we all make mistakes.
-- paul leblanc (email@example.com), January 31, 2000.
How dare, you mock someone, with less earthly treasures, than which you were bestowed?
-- God's Chillen (Answer@honesty.com), January 31, 2000.
Smart-ass?? Jeez, I think he's hilarious and clever. That kid has a bright future. I'd hire him in a flash.
-- some of us LIKE living (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 31, 2000.
(hire him that is...that is true genius. 2 years (or 1 week)...Jay Lenno...move over!!! you see? Prolly management material...everyone would love him, and gladly work their ass off, come to work on time so they don't miss any more...the possibilites are endless; becomes McDonalds National Manager...etc, etc...
Great Human Being.....great attitude.....priceless in my view.
-- steve (WhoCares@nymore.Right?.com), January 31, 2000.
Yep, this kid is a genius. Anyone to not put him on a strategic planning team and pay for his schooling would be an idiot and deserves to go belly-up like all the other stiff shirts that surround themselves with yes-men, IMHO.
fav: LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. 2nd: SIGN HERE: Aries
-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 31, 2000.
So why don't you stop?
-- You know better (email@example.com), January 31, 2000.
crack me up. as the mother of a 16.75 year old, i can believe this job application. this kid was probably being cute but i can believe some kids would submit one this funny in all seriousness. i love teenagers--this magical, insane blend of child and almost adult.
-- tt (firstname.lastname@example.org), January 31, 2000.
LOL This is a riot!
Hokie...I have to tease you about your split infinitive. I've been known use a few myself. ;-)
Thanks for the post Steve. I would hire him, but with his creative talent, he'll probably end up in business for himself someday. Did somebody say Entrepreneur?
-- Dee (T1Colt556@aol.com), January 31, 2000.
I don't know, Dee, I heard others say, "smart ass". Speaking as a former genius-level, high school dropout, I-know-better-than-everyone, grade-A smartass, I'd have to say they're right. This kid has a lot of lean times ahead, more than likely. But I bet he won't put that same crap on his next Mickey Dee's application when he's 25.
-- Hgh School Dropout (email@example.com), January 31, 2000.
I think I used to work for him. We all laughed so much we went out of business, but had fun doing it.
-- Y2Kook (Y2Kook@usa.net), January 31, 2000.
-- . (Doomers@Like.Humor), November 28, 2001.