Stupid People

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Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".

That way you wouldn't rely on them,would you? You wouldn't ask them anything.

It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign".

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, "Hey are you moving?"

...Nope, we just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign".

A couple of weeks ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine. We pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"

.."Nope, talked 'em into giving up....Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit...and there's only one way to test it. "All right, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on...it looks good. They want you to jump into this pool of sharks and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you"....Well, all right, but hold my sign, I don't want to loose it".

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?"...I couldn't resist. I said "Nope, I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me....Here's your sign".

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, Darn that's hot!"...See? if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...OK, no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So... is your truck stuck?"

I couldn't help myself! I looked at him...looked back at the rig and then back at him and said, No, I'm delivering a bridge...here's your sign."

-- Larry (Rampon@Dallas.com), January 28, 2000

Answers

Jeff Foxworthy

-- Steve Baxter (chicoqh@home.com), January 29, 2000.

Steve, Don't know. A buddy of mine just sent it to me. Sounds like him though. doesn't it? :)

-- Larry (Rampon@Dallas.com), January 29, 2000.

Oh Man, I thought my clicking here would reveal the lyrics to that old song, you know, "stupid people have no reason to live"...the spin- off of "Short People got No Reason to Live"?

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 29, 2000.

Larry, now the Average people did start a sign campaign. Well, actually it was a T-shirt campaign, the "I'm with stupid ----> " but the stupid people found it hillarious, and the hyiena-type laughter was so utterly annoying to the average people that the attempt was abandoned.

To date, I am unaware of a comparable attempt to post signage being made by the faction of smart people, which yields one to question the ordinal positioning of the smart verses average factions.

-- Hokie (Hokie_@hotmail.com), January 29, 2000.


Hi Hokie,

Just thought we needed a little humor tonight. You know like the "Laughter Is the Best Medicine" "Reader's Digest" version for TB2000

-- Larry (Rampon@Dallas.com), January 29, 2000.



hey, maybe the cop was a little slow..., but HE wasn,t the one that got his rig stuck under the bridge!!!

-- Lock'n'Load (maybe@itsjustme.com), January 29, 2000.

Years ago, my sister gave me a gift: a baseball cap emblazoned with a picture of some bucktoothed "specials", captioned "Stupid People Shouldn't Breed".

I never dared wear it out of the house for fear I'd get the tar beaten out of me by a pack of enraged... stupid people.

In the same vein, I've frequently mused that a bumper sticker that said "I Hate Assholes" would result in the driver being constantly harassed, run off the road, vandalized, and probably shot, by hordes of irate... assholes. (Who -else- would possibly take offense?)

-- Sluggo (sluggo@your.head), January 29, 2000.


Larry, next time you get stuck under a bridge, simply let some air out of your tires and drive away! Here's your stupid sign!

-- ... (...@...com), January 29, 2000.

This reminds me of a line heard on "South Park"...

"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."

-- Irving (irvingf@myremarq.com), January 29, 2000.


---"was a T-shirt campaign, the "I'm with stupid ----> "

I remember Holie, about '77, I think it was. Things weren't too bad in the beginning, because all shirts were created equal. There was bliss in the gene challenged pool. But one day a stranger came to town wearing a t-shirt with <---I'm with Stupid on it. The resulting confusion and panic that ensued created such pandemonium, that, after much consternation, and for the safety of the "SIX" pack, the stranger was strung up. Unfortunately, the council also decided that there could never be another t-shirt in the pool, and to insure an insurrection didn't evolve, they hung up the original phraser also.

Well it was quite a sight seeing those two swinging together,

I'm with stupid -----><----I'm with stupid

Poetic justice.

-- Michael (mikeymac@uswest.net), January 29, 2000.



Reminds me of the time my friend caught a good size catfish close to shore and this guy hollers, "Whatcha catching 'em with?"

Friend looks up, spits the worms out and says, "Hooks man, Hooks!"

Duh!

-- Keep them worms warm (rolling@the.river), January 29, 2000.


Hey, your too hard on folks. Most of these are just conversation starters. "There sure is weather today". I'll submit one anyway: The Northbound side of the rural interstate near my house is backed up bumper to bumper over a mile because of a jacknifed tractor-trailor. No authority has arrived yet. On the backend of the line I observed a lone state trooper doing his duty: Tickiting the folks going backwards along the side of the road to reach the exit just behind the stalled line to escape the morass. Duhh.

-- Wm McBride (mcbri29@attglobal.net), January 29, 2000.

The guy that did this (a few years back) was Bill Engvall, actually a friend of Foxworthy.

-- me (justlooking@can'tsee.duh), January 29, 2000.

You ought to see that STUPID people that my wife has to deal with at work. She is a pharmacist, and she gets all the stupid ones, that's for sure. Case in point:

1) Woman comes in and wants to sue the manufacturer of contraceptive jelly because she got pregnant. This woman is an illiterate Haitian, by the way. Wife explains that sorry, but no contraceptive is 100% effective, and that she can't sue. Woman says that she can't understand why she got pregnant, because no matter how bad it tasted, she took 2 tablespoons before she had sex. Wife is trying to not fall on the floor laughing. Wife then points out that there are directions included, that have little pictures of what needs to be done, including some rather graphic ones. Woman says "oh, that's what this plastic applicator is for". DUMB.

Or...

Guy comes in and buys some medicated suppositories. Calls my wife at the store later, and says that even after an half hour, he can tell that it hasn't melted yet. Wife asks if he removed the wrapper from the suppository. Guy pauses, and says no. He then says "what do I do now?". Wife says "find a REAL friend to help you out...".

Or...

Woman comes in complaining of a deaf ear. She didn't have ear drops, but figured that nasal saline drops would work, so she used them instead. She then wonders why her ear has gone completely deaf. Wife asks her WHY she used nasal drops, when you aren't supposed to use them in your ear. Woman says that they were all I had. What do I do now? DUMB.

She must get 100 people a day complaining that their insurance changed deductible, or that their insurance plan changed entirely, and they are clueless. She's even had some who didn't have their card, and didn't even know the name of the ins. co. Duuh, they've been paying the company, and don't even know the name? And they get pissed that they have to pay cash because they don't have their card and haven't a clue. Sheese

Or when her computer is down, she is supposed to know what a given person's insurance deductible is, and who to bill, and what their medical history is. So, if she does, what in the hell does she need the computer for to remember it all for her?!

Stupid people shouldn't breed.

-- Bill (billclo@msgbox.com), January 29, 2000.


Attn: me

I didn't know about Bill Engvall. I heard the exact schtick on one of those early-morning comedy bits on the radio and it was Jeff Foxworthy himself doing it. As soon as I read the post, I could hear his voice saying "Heeeeres your sign".

Personally, I still like his "You might be a redneck if..." bit. That one was even funnier, especially being a born and bred Alberta redneck myself.

My favorite was "If you go to family reunions to pick up women ... you might be a redneck".

I'll try to find the whole thing and post it. If I am going to post anything OT, it may as well be humor.

-- Steve Baxter (chicoqh@home.com), January 29, 2000.



From: Y2K, ` la Carte by Dancr (pic), near Monterey, California

Somebody wrote a song about that to the tune of Jingle Bells: Here's your sign, here's your sign, here's your stupid sign...

-- Dancr (addy.available@my.webpage), January 29, 2000.


Have to run to the hardware store and will see if my old Foxworthy Tape is in the Van. Then will be back. I'm supposed to be installing a new Dishwasher and my wife is getting pretty PO'd cause I'm "on that damn computer again"...but hey we're havin' fun, right?

Later, I have to help a friend move...he has to put the wheels back on his mobile home. He has curtains in his pickup but no drapes in his house...has to have those drapes though to hide the rifles hanging in the back window.

-- Larry (Rampon@Dalas.com), January 29, 2000.


Never underestimate the power/danger of stupid people in large groups.

-- Sam (Wtrmkr52@aol.com), January 29, 2000.

Umm...Travis Tritt(?)the country singer, those were the lines in his song. Maybe Jeff Foxworthy wrote the lyrics. Ranks right up there with Lifestyles of the not so rich and famous.

-- morgan (bitbybit@eoni.com), January 29, 2000.

You Might Be a Redneck If:

(1) You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

(2) The UFO Hotline limits you to one call per day.

(3) The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

(4) You prefer to "walk" the extra length off your jeans instead of hemming them.

(5) Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight

(6) You smoked during your wedding.

(7) People ask to hunt in your front yard.

(8) Your mother keeps a "spit-cup" on the ironing board.

(9) Your 2 year old has more teeth than you do.

(10)Your checks have pictures of dogs fighting on them.

(11) You have an above-ground pool and fish in it.

(12) Your dad walked you to school because you were both in the same grade.....

....Then you might be a redneck!

-- Larry (Rampon@Dallas.com), January 29, 2000.


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