Instructions for using drive up ATM machine

Male Instructions:

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Insert card

3. Enter PIN

4. Take cash, card and receipt

5. Drive away

Female Instructions:

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Back up and pull forward to get closer

3. Shut off engine

4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine

6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card

8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.

9. Enter PIN

10. Study instructions.

11. Hit "cancel"

12. Re-enter correct PIN

13. Check balance

14. Look for envelope

15. Look in purse for pen

16. Make out deposit slip

17. Endorse checks

18. Make deposit

19. Study instructions

20. Make cash withdrawal

21. Get in car

22. Check makeup

23. Look for keys

24. Start car

25. Check makeup

26. Start pulling away

27. Stop

28. Back to machine

29. Get out of car

30. Take card and receipt

31. Get back in car

32. Put card in wallet

33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook

35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup

37. Put car in reverse

38. Put car in drive

39. Drive away from machine

40. Drive 3 miles

41. Release parking brake

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), January 24, 2000

Answers

turn about is fair play........... Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men. What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..." ...........and my favorite........... Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. HA! : )

-- mebs (andrea@mebs.lurking), January 24, 2000.

Hmmmmm..... I think this would be an excellent time to don my asbestos underwear and stroll nonchalantly out of the way.....

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), January 24, 2000.

mebs - touche!

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), January 24, 2000.

Both of you - terrific!! It's going to be an interesting week for oil.

-- nothing (better@to.do), January 24, 2000.

Ok Andy, you gonna let her get away with that? Ding Ding....Do I hear round 2 coming?

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

Andy...thanks for reposting your ATM joke- missed out on printing it out, last time when it got deleted...and meb, yours is a hoot, too! Thanks for opening the morning with a laugh!

-- Jo Ann (MaJo@Michiana.com), January 24, 2000.

How DOGS and MEN are the SAME:

* Both take up too much space on the bed * Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning * Both are threatened by their own kind * Both mark their territory * Both are bad at asking you questions * Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches * Neither does any dishes * Both pass gas shamelessly * Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut * Both like dominance games * Both are suspicious of the postman * Neither knows how to talk on the telephone * Neither understands what you see in cats

How DOGS are BETTER than MEN:

* Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public * Dogs miss you when you're gone * Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong * Dogs don't criticize your friends * Dogs admit when they're jealous * Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out * Dogs do not play games with you, except frisbee (and they never laugh at how you throw) * Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence * You can train a dog * Dogs are easy to buy for * You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams * The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas (OK, the really worst disease you can get is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gave it to you) * Dogs understand what no means * Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside * Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner * Dogs admit it when they're lost * Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do * Dogs mean it when they kiss you

-- Brooks the Cat (brooksbie@hotmail.com), January 24, 2000.

Come on Guys, I need backup here, and quick!!!

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), January 24, 2000.

Andy,

You print a flame thrower and then ask us for back up!!!!

C'mon----> we know better :)

Have a nice thread!

-- d......... (dciinc@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

I refuse to be brought down to a level of woman bashing. It's not right that we should critisize those that sleep through good TVee shows, because other woman have told them that its not right to change channels. Its not right to critisize woman because they experience ((p)retty, (M)ean, (S)hit only once and awhile. Why its very wrong to knock down someone who can't figure out how to get from A to B without asking everyone how to do it and then expect a compliment when they have arrived.

ihavelookedafterwomanfor@52years.com

-- womanwatcher com (womanwatcher@y2k.com), January 24, 2000.

DING DING DING do I hear Round 3 (in bikini walking around with card)? Andy, dude, looks like yer fixin to get hammered!!!!!!ROFL

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

Andy, you're being naughty again. Go to your room.:)

P.S. Do you like to mudwrestle? I have all this dehydrated mud and French sparkling mineral water that KoS doesn't need any more.

-- Old Git (anon@spamproblems.com), January 24, 2000.

A new element for the periodic table of elements:

Element: MAN

Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: 180 +/- 100

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young fresh samples.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo (element Woman) any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged period of time. Pretty basic. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

-- Had (enough@yet.Andy?), January 24, 2000.

Andy - if the women did not drive up to the ATm, the banking prob would not get done. My husband only goes to the bank when he has to sign the mortgage renewals papers - let's see that was 5 years ago.

*****************

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" - - - - - - - - - - In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. - - - - - - - - - - My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog. - - - - - - - - - - Why do men die before their wives?..... They want to. - - - - - - - - - - What is the difference between a dog and a fox?...About 5 drinks. - - - - - - - - - - A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." - - - - - - - - - - Do you know the punishment for bigamy?... Two Mothers-in-law. - - - - - - - - - - Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. - - - - - - - - - - A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - - - - - - - - - - The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - - - - - - - - - - First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." - - - - - - - - - - How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. - - - - - - - - - - Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. - - - - - - - - - - If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. - - - - - - - - - - Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." - - - - - - - - - - A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." - - - - - - - - - - The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her." - - - - - - - - - - Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

-- Laurane (familyties@rttinc.com), January 24, 2000.

LOL, Laurene, the hubby with the mtg papers was tooo funny....My hubby lives at the atm.....DING DING,,,,,,round 4 coming up!!???

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

I will help you, Andy. But first you must answer this question.

"If a man speaks in the forrest and there is no women there to hear him, is he still wrong?"

Keep your...

-- eyes_open (best@wishes.2all), January 24, 2000.

Our beloved Andy is a foreigner girls. That foreskin a little too tight this morning buddy? What's with you today lad? Stick with GO

-- This is not Eurpoe (boycott@page3girls.com), January 24, 2000.

ANDY:

I'm afraid I'm going to have to 'scab' on this issue -- can't support our gender the way you do:

1) Little girls grow up into ladies; little boys grow up into big ones.

2) PMS = Putting up with Men's Sh*t (this one courtesy of my ex- mother-in-law.)

Bill

-- William J. Schenker, MD (wjs@linkfast.net), January 24, 2000.

Thanks to all. I needed this, this morning. Hysterical! LMAOROF

-- Richard (Astral-Acres@webtv.net), January 24, 2000.

I don't believe the following but I will post it anyway.

The Cost of Brains

In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news" he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, simi-risky, and you'll have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. At length, someone asked. "Well, how mch does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "A female brain goes for $2,000. A male brain costs $5,000."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A girl, uable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why does the male brain cost so much more?" The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then said the to entire group,"It's a standard pricing procedure. WE MARK THE FEMALE BRAINS DOWN BECAUSE THEY'RE USED."

-- rb (ronbanks_2000@yahoo.com), January 24, 2000.

DING DING....Round 5 and count me in For all the cheaters.....When a woman steals your husband, there is NO better revenge than to let her keep him! You know the honeymoon is over when.....you start to stay out with the boys on Wednesday night and so does she. Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what? The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to 4get it once.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

THE BIG SQUEEZE - A Lady's Poem

For years and years they told me, be careful of your breasts, don't ever squeeze or bruise them, but give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings, and protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, and always wore my bra.

After years of astute care, my doctor found a bump. She ordered up a mammogram, to look inside that lump.

"Stand up very close" she said. As she got my boob in line, "And tell me when it hurts," she said. "Ah yes! There, that's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate pressed down and down, my boob was in a vise!

My skin was stretched and stretched, from way up under my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, to Swedish pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt, a vice-grip, at its best. A prisoner in this vicious thing, my poor defenseless breast!

"Take a deep breath," she said to me. Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is mashed in her machine, and woozy I am getting.

"There, that was good," I heard her say, as the room was slowly swaying. "Now let's have a go at the other one." Lord have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me up and down, it squeezed me from the side, I'll bet she's never had this done, not to her tender hide!

If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, it would have popped,....Ker-pow!

This machine was designed by man, of this I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there and see how they come out!

-- I'll bet Andy (couldnt@take.it), January 24, 2000.

50 reasons, it's good to be a guy....

50. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 49. You know stuff about tanks. 48. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 47. You can open all your own jars. 46. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying. 44. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 43. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. 42. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 41. You can kill your own food. 40. The garage is all yours. 39. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 38. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. 37. The National College Cheer leading Championship. 36. If you're 34 and single nobody notices. 35. You can get into a non trivial pissing contest. 34. You can be president. 33. Flowers fix everything. 32. You never have to worry about other people's feelings. 31. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. 30. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. 29. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. 28. The world is your urinal. 27. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you. 24. You get to jump up and slap stuff. 23. One mood, all the time. 22. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 21. Same work....more pay. 20. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 19. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. 18. You don't mooch off others' desserts. 17. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 16. The remote is yours and yours alone. 15. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them. 14 You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift. 13. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers. 12. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 11. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 10. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies. 9. There is always a game on somewhere. 8. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood. 7. You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny. 6. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room. 5. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. 4. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" 3. Baywatch 2. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 1. All your orgasms are real.

-- Had it (with@those.guys.hehe), January 24, 2000.

I want to offer an apology. Because you see that woman who was so confused in front of Andy at the ATM this morning, well that was me. My husband got paid on Friday and spent most of the weekend on a violent drunken binge. I was after getting my monthly and had alot of trouble with pain. I didn't get much sleep last night. I was up to the bathroom twice. Ended up passing a menstrual bloodclot the size of a strawberry. Poor diet, depression etc. Then my darling husband yelled in his hangover state from the bathroom that I had made the whole house smell like dead fish. I began to cry. So he punched me. Then our son was upset and forgot to make a sacklunch for himself. So after my darling husband left in the pickup for his miserable shift job, I loaded up the baby in the carseat, grabbed my purse, my coat, checkbook, keys, and drove to the ATM. I knew my little boy would be hungry at school today and had no money. I had to go to the store and get some food. I was going to get the last $50 out of our joint checking account. That's all that was left after beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets my darling husband blew it all on after payday. I knew I would be risking another beating... but SOMEONE, maybe even a woman, has to hold this "family" together. Oh, by the way, I wasn't checking my makeup in the mirror Andy, I was looking at my blackeye and deciding if it was worth facing the checkout clerk at the cash register. Sorry I was so preoccupied and kept you waiting. I have my sons BOZO button in the bottom of my ragged purse. Can I give it to you as a consolation prize for your compassion? SOW NOT THE SEEDS OF DISCORD ON THIS SITE! Until you have walked a mile in another man's (or woman's) shoes...

-- Battered Wife (dysfunction@l.com), January 24, 2000.

Thank you battered for your input. I'll file that under ROYP.

And now...

A blond and a brunette are walking along when the brunette says "Look at the dead bird.". The blond looks up and says "Where?".

Watch six and keep your...

-- eyes_open (best@wishes.2all), January 24, 2000.

Battered Wife: This is not the place to vent your frustration and anger. Instead of participating here contact your local police department who will be more than willing to listen. There are endless support groups, legal remedies and shelters available to anyone choosing to seek help. If you find this thread offensive you can choose not to read it, just as I do when the Blonde jokes raise there ugly heads. I'm sure it was no ones intention to offend you. Opt to scroll down! Good luck & be safe.

-- Trish (adler2@webtv.net), January 24, 2000.

Oh Andy,

Men at Atms: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Sit a minute to listen to last football play 3. Reach into pocket for wallet 4. Can't get wallet out, try again. 5. Slam on brakes because you didn't put it in park 6. Unook seatbelt and stretch to get wallet out 7. Go through wallet looking for card. 8. Stop, pat shirt pocket, find card there. 9. Stretch to put wallet back in pocket 10. Insert Card 11. Stretch to reach for wallet that has the pin number written on a business card in disguise as a phone number. 12. Punch in numbers. 13. Punch in pin numbers again. 14. Finally read instructions 15. Turns to ask wife what to do 16. Ask wife if she has the deposit ready 17. Makes deposit. 18. Takes receit, put in wallet 19,. Puts business card with ATM pin number on it in wallet 20. Starat to put ATM card in wallet, but remembers remembers he didn't get money 19. Sticks receit and business card in wallet 20. Start to punch pin number in, forgets 21. Asks wife what pin number is 22. Punches numbers for withdrawl 23. Transaction rejected because not enough money in account 24. Punches number in again to see what balance is 25. Once more punches numbers to make a witth drawl. 26. Takes receipt, card and money 27 Deposits them in his wallet 28. Stretches to put wallet in pocket. 29. Starts to leave before realizes car is in park 30. Starts to leave and stop again because seat belt isn't hooked

-- Mara (MaraWayne@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

Trish have ye not the insight to understand social commentary? Ask Andy about his crude analysis of Maria on CNBC. Granted she is a bubble brain but this forum deserves better than sexist bickering. Did that little fictional, but all-too-common short story ruin your comedy? So sorry, we all must co-exist with these victims. Think about that the next time you get all bent out of shape when you are in line behind the coupon clipper, at the buffet with the blue collar people, etc. Save your battle of the sexes "humor" for the morning shock jock d.j. during your car radio commute. THINK Trish, if oil soars up to $5.00 a gallon, don't you think that there will be many societal repercussions in the form of job lay-offs, increased drug/alcohol consumption, spousal abuse, hunger??? Your neighbor?

-- Battered Wife (dysfunction@l.com), January 24, 2000.

Geez, to think I spent a few moments finding a good laugh. As a female, I took no offense, I've been down alot the past few days, just when I can find a laugh, along comes a Ron Schwartz in drag. Or is it Steve? Battered Wife, you do not sound female to me, although I could be wrong. As for the chaos of coming economic hard times, we will adjust. Quit taking everything so serious and as if we need your permission, let us have a few laughs, in this chaotic world in which we live, we NEED one.....

=======Now Andy, DING DING I believe were in round 6?

=========consumer who is having toooooo much funnn today.

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

Geez, lady, give it a rest, wouldja? It's HUMOR, for crissake. Are you familiar with the expression "turd in a punchbowl"? (apologies to the tender of sensibility) Life is tough, life is sad, blah blah blah. Let's have some fun once in a whi

-- mumblegrumble (geez@wottabitch.com), January 24, 2000.

Hate to crap even more on your "laugh riot". Have you seen the DOW?

-- homecanner (tomatoes@mygarden.com), January 24, 2000.

KOS where are you? Andy has dug himself extra deep and only your testoterone-soaked highness can rescue him from his foolish folly. ROFLOA:

WW ;O

-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), January 24, 2000.

Pretty funny Andy, didn't realize you had such a fun sense of humor!

-- suzy (HAYSandCO@aol.com), January 24, 2000.

OK Andy, I've goton my flame proof underwear, so here is a bit of support for your cause.

WIFE is not really a word, its an acronym for Washing, Ironing, Food & Entertainment.

woman, n. A fully automatic, general purpose, kitchen utensil that is screwed on the bed.

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), January 24, 2000.

JOKE: Men or Women dictionary Guide to English

THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

***************************** THE ANSWER TO "WHAT'S WRONG?" *****************************

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain the butt

I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam

---------------------------------------------------------- THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH: ----------------------------------------------------------

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

"I'm tired" = I'm tired

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you" = Let's have sex now

"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), January 24, 2000.

Love it guys and gals.You guys all sound like the men i know and they are not wife beaters.By the way Trish if you don't like blond jokes why don't you go back to your natural color.My sister is blond and she loves the blond jokes.Just one of the gals

-- lady (lady@ha.com), January 24, 2000.

We interrupt this broadcast for this public service announcement: DING DING DING DING DING(bats) Ok, boys and girls, so who won this little debate? Did we manage to accomplish anything more than simply entrenching our perceived differences just a little bit deeper? The real question is why a European in exile should have felt so compelled to throw a molotov cocktail at every woman on this forum to begin with. This from a man who has had some bad luck with his own personal relationships and admittedly sleeps with his gold coins under his pillow. And names them. Sheesh. Just couldn't get to his money quite fast enough that day at the ATM, huh? And shame on all the rest of you for running like lap dogs eagerly picking up the social grenade to throw it back and forth at each "side". I think I was most moved by "50 reasons for a guy" #24 ...get to jump up and slap things... #7 You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny. and last but not least, Malcontent Malcolm from Kiwiland with his insulting definition of a woman as a kitchen utensil that's screwed on a bed. There was something to offend nearly everyone here. The Male and Female sexes have weaknesses and strengths. A pox on both the "houses". Now back to your regularly scheduled programming: take your pick, 1) Oprah "I'm gonna teach America to be better parents and partners" Winfrey , a rich lady who is neither married nor a mother. 2) Jerry "3 Ring Circus" Springer's white/urban trash slamorama. 3. Latent homophobic "wrestling" complete with silicone mafia bimbos. 4. Gas guzzling southern fried Nascar. Something for everybody...

-- Man who loved Cat Dancing (andherc@t.com), January 25, 2000.

What does it mean when your wife comes out of the kitchen and starts to nag?, the chain is too long

An intelligent man, an intelligent woman and a ghost are in a lift and it brakes down. Which one fixes it? The intelligent man, the others dont exist.

Why does it take two wemon with PMT to change a light bulb? IT JUST DOES!!!!

-- Trev (TDTradings@sussex99.freeserve.co.uk), January 27, 2000.