YOU TOO CAN BE A PROFESSIONAL!!

Just take this short quiz...

This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS.

There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

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Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.

This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

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Incorrect Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and shut the refrigerator.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Correct Answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator!

This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking.

Okay, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.

4. There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it?

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Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!

This question tests your reasoning ability.

SO...

If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you.

If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.

If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.

If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.

If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as law or politics.

-- New Guy (Newguy@Newbie.com), January 17, 2000

Answers

You wrote the civil service tests, didn't you?!!

-- government hack (keepwatchin_2000@yahoo.com), January 17, 2000.

No.......but how did you know where I got this from??????

-- New Guy (Newguy@Newbie.com), January 17, 2000.

You know what? Sysops needs a new thread: "humor in the trenches"... Any combat vets remember what it was like waiting for the next strike? For you military virgins, there's a lot of waiting and a lot of humor that has to compensate for very high levels of (justified)anxiety.

Great posting, Newguy!

-- mike in houston (mmorris67@hotmail.com), January 17, 2000.

So how did Kernel Klin-toon do in this test. [Leave the cigar jokes out].

-- gomer (gnomer@dot.com), January 17, 2000.

Hey mike in houston, How's that chemical mess of a few days ago? Everything fine I hope. Any more info on the cause?

-- Paranoia Will (Destroy_Y@BlackCopters.com), January 17, 2000.

Mike...Amen Brother!

Thanks for the post New Guy! =)

-- Dee (T1Colt556@aol.com), January 17, 2000.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. (This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.) Okay. I get that one. Makes sense, even though I figured you'd probably have to cut him up first to get him to fit.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator remove the giraffe and put in the elephant and close the door.(This question tests your foresight.) Okay, here's my first question. If the refrigerator is big enough to fit a whole, intact giraffe, why not an elephant and a giraffe at the same time? It seems that foresight would dictate in both of the above questions the need to measure the cubic capacity of the refrigerator before making snap judgements, sight unseen, about what can go in there. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! (This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking.) Good point. However, if you remember, there is very little oxygen in a closed refrigerator (we closed the refrigerator door on both animals, remember?). In the past, children have climbed into refrigerators, closed the door, and suffocated. (This is why they ask you to take the door off of discarded refrigerators.) So although the elephant is presently in the refrigerator and cannot attend the meeting, the giraffe spent an undetermined amount of time in there as well, with the door closed. This would invite the assumption that the giraffe would have probably suffocated while in there,and is now dead (or is at least hospitalized after the traumatic and unhealthy experience of being shut into a refrigerator). Since we most likely have 2 dead (or one dead and one very ill) animals on our hands, we also most likely face the possibility that 2 animals will not be attending the meeting (unless, of course, the conference is actually the giraffe's funeral). 4. There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it? Correct answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! (This question tests your reasoning ability.) If all of the crocodiles are at the animal conference/giraffe's funeral, how can there be a river filled with crocodiles (as stated in question 4?) It would seem that question 4 would therefore be better stated as something like, "There is a river devoid of crocodiles. How do you cross it?", or, "There is a river filled with crocodiles. How come they are not at the animal meeting?".

-- Jes' A Question (huh@what.it.is), January 17, 2000.

1) Ya gotta love litteralists!!

2) If ya know any paramedics, then ya know that we have the same kind of wait-TERROR-wait wait wait TERROR ratios. We did the same thing with the humor, except, since this is a mixed company board (unsuccessfully attempting to mimic [or at least fit into] polite society) I couldn't share more than a quarter of the stuff.....

chuck (the last 6 of a 24 are the hardest)

-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), January 17, 2000.