The Top 18 Things on a Y2K Survivalist's To-Do List

18. Find grocery store receipt for 10,000 packets of ramen noodles.

17. Apologize to neighbors about the tripwire incident; offer to replace dog.

16. Take up pork & beans skeet shooting.

15. Gather recipes for Spam, dehydrated potatoes, and crow.

14. Cancel subscription to Stockpilers Quarterly, but keep the free can opener.

13. Convert weapons back to semi-auto.

12. Pitch "1000 Ideas for Wheat Gluten" to Martha Stewart's people.

11. Return 753 videos to Blockbuster.

10. Water yard, one lousy gallon at a time.

9. Prepare for the dreaded but little-known "Arbor Day Bug."

8. Shoot first--forget the damn questions.

7. Learn how to disarm a Claymore mine.

6. Laugh at all those losers out there fighting each other for scraps of food, and thank the Lord for the safety of the bunker, cut off from all connection with the outside world.

5. Find the bastard who sold me all that dehydrated water.

4. Curse God for pussing out on the wrath.

3. Convert my anti-Y2K-Bug tin-foil hat back into an anti-Katie-Couric-Mind-Control tin-foil hat.

2. Make sure the babes in the bunker still think we need to repopulate earth.

and the Number 1 Thing on a Y2K Survivalist's To-Do List...

1. Make friends with the 6 billion other Y2K survivors.

-- Susan Water (susanwater@excite.com), January 12, 2000

Answers

Dehydrated water!?! Stop, yer killin' me!

That was great. Thanks.

-- Rabbit (shhh@bevewy.quiet), January 12, 2000.

On top of my husband's dresser is a can of dehydrated water he has had for at least 25 years. As I remember it was a birthday gift. He just loved it. True story.

-- Pam Goodrich (jpjgood@penn.com), January 12, 2000.

Recipes for crow......roflmao.......spare me!

-- JB (noway@jose.com), January 12, 2000.

Bravo, Susan. Please -- tell me more about this Arbor Day Bug. I'm ready, damnit.

-- semper paratus (still_here_with@my.pals), January 12, 2000.

----HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA wuz great! here's s'more, top o me head

what to do with those 58 cases of "barter money" condoms?

call buddy in bunker with all those babes on scrambled short wave

teach course, local community college "creative SPAM stacking"

time to cash in those HORMEL stocks

buy 1000 flashlights, combine with battery stash, hangout in front of concerts, clean up!

learn to play tiddly winks with silver dollars

apologize to third world countries, offer to sell them their ammo back

by Gawd, SCREW the electric company! Gonna run this &%#@*(&^ generator day and night anyway!

reluctantly give back howitzer to local VFW hall

better yet, keep it, never know.....

got some splainin to do to girlfriend, that end o de world harem idea really ran up the visa card

turn "advanced research brand" anti satellite laser kit from radio shack into bar be cue

learn to love &^%$# lumpy *&#$^%& hard )(*&% nasty whole wheat bread, three meals a day

admire biceps in mirror from handcranking flour for *&^%$#^ wholewheat bread

try to figger out just WHAT the heck to do with this Baygen (see battery post)

get up every morning, look at mountain bike, get in car

realize size of garden and projected output means you are now largest tax base in county, call accountant, run for commissioner, become one of "them"

go door to door in suburban upscale neighborhoods, take along that doctored photo you did in PhotoShop, convince them that concertina wire is the newest "trendy" landscaping material, unload stocks

last but not least-throw goat over fence into neighbor's yard, then call animal control on neighbor.....that weirdo!

-- zog (zzoggy@yahoo.com), January 12, 2000.

Sorry Folks, this post was put here by someone else using my Email addy not from me - Obo. Got home to check Email and found all the responses in my email and wondering what the heck is this?

Came to the forum and found there is a imposter posing as ME. First I my handle is Obo not susan water. Susan Water is my email addy. Second though most of the stuff is funny if I were going to post it I would have taken out the vulgar ones and the disrespectful reference to God as I am a Christian.

Thanks for the clean funnies to whom ever the imposter is.

Obo

-- Obo (susanwater@excite.com), January 12, 2000.

Ooooo, my stomach hurts with all this laughing!

-- Marie (pray4peace@compuserve.com), January 13, 2000.