FREE FORM THEORIZATION CONTEST RESULTS IN ...WOW!

greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory)
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all
the world's great literary works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics)
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your
eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other
people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to
even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic)
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have
no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate
technical ideas at a faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics)
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as
a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to
spin dangerously fast.

HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics)
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If
omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian
"pahks his cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a
Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion)
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap
giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred tethered
cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning
inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail
could easily link New York with Chicago.

Where were these mental colussi at when we needed them?

-- Jay Urban (Jayho99@aol.com), January 12, 2000

Answers

Good morning to you too Jay! I'm gonna go out right now and try that with the cat(I'm in a 6 storey building). Thanks- I always liked cats.

on de rock

-- Walter (on de rock@northrock.bm), January 12, 2000.


Hi, Jay,

Love the cat idea! Hey, I've got three cats. Do you think I can work up a thing to have them bring me my coffee?

-- eve (123@4567.com), January 12, 2000.


The cats would not need to be tethered, as their fundamental inertia would keep them in place.

-- Thinman (thinman38@hotmail.com), January 12, 2000.

Eve,
Hi back at ya!! This mouser just told me he wouldn't be caught dead fetchin' coffee for anybody, but perhaps you might convince him otherwise with some holistic catnip. LOL!!


-- Jay Urban (Jayho99@aol.com), January 12, 2000.

LOL, Jay!!

You know, though, a close look at the photo shows a smile and a kind of...eagerness...(hmmm...it just might work without the catnip... yeah, that's right, I could save the catnip for myself... maybe if I disguised the scent I could even get him to bring me my catnip tea...)

-- eve (123@4567.com), January 12, 2000.



Thanks so much, Jay. I can't remember last time I laughed so hard. Literal tears in my eyes. When is the next contest? Kyle

-- Kyle (fordtbonly@aol.com), January 12, 2000.

I think I'll go "buttah" my toast then later I may try to "warsh" my cat. See what she thinks of that.

-- King Middleton (kingmiddleton@yahoo.com), January 13, 2000.

Moderation questions? read the FAQ