How do you handle the Critic?

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From some of you tried and true veteran preachers, I was wondering how do you handle the critic? I don't take criticism well. We had entered into some changes here at the Fort and received some criticism (not overwhelmingly so) but enough to make me become introspective as to how I should approach the critic. I bought a valuable book entitled High Maintenance Relationships by Dr. Les Parrott. It is a good read and very helpful for anyone in the ministry but I was just wanting seek out your thoughts as well. Thanks in advance.

-- Anonymous, January 11, 2000

Answers

Michael.....

I've been at this for 18 years now.

What I say to you now I say out of a deep concern for you because I would like to see you around for a long time.

I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. I'm just going to lay it out in a series of statements....and you gain from it what you can.

1) Realize....criticism goes with the territory. I know that is nothing new. But.....sometimes we can find comfort in knowing that our experience is not uncommon. Other have trod where we trod.

2) I had the privilege of working for two years with a man I consider one of the finest "people person" ministers I have ever met. He offered me these two tidbits on how to deal with people......

a) Always consider the source. To properly accept criticism we must have a degree of respect for those who offer it. If not....their criticisms are laughable......and that's a great way to approach it. I have actually had people criticize me and the whole time this conversation is going on in my mind, "You have got to be kidding me. This is a hoot!!! I better be careful or I'm going to bust out laughing." It sure helps to keep perspective.

b) Try to understand "why" people are criticizing. That is, what is going on in their life?

More than once I have come to find out that an individual who just criticized me had lost their job, was having marital problems, car problems, or money problems. A lot of times they are having a problem in their life and their criticism is a cry for help.

Think about it? Have you ever jumped on your wife or kids after a bad day?? I have.

We need to realize that sometimes we simply strike out at someone....because they were there.

3) Age will help the problem. I remember Roger Chambers telling us to study like crazy until we were 40.....because until then no one was going to listen to us anyway. TRUE!!! I turned 40 last year and can vouch for this one. I feel that my credibility is much more than it was even 5 years ago. People respect men who stick to it!!

But age does something else.....it does mellow us. I find myself not having the need to be so defensive anymore. Age helps us to keep life in perspective because we have experienced more of it.

4) Carefully read the Proverbs....I mean carefully. In fact, I have committed myself to read them through on every month there are 31 days. That way....you read it through a couple of times a year.

A wonderful book that helps us to deal with criticism and those who attack us....either truthfully or otherwise.

I hope this helps a little.

God bless you Michael....and keep up the good fight!

Your brother,

-- Anonymous, January 11, 2000


Michael, Have been fired once from a pulpit. The best thing that I did was read the book of Nehemiah and the book of Proverbs. Listen to God rather than the critics, and do what is best for God. I realize that this advice is idealistic, but if we don't have the ideals of God in mind, then we will listen to the those critics toooooo much. Always listen to them, and then compare their thoughts with what the Word does say and always go with the word.

God bless in your struggle.

-- Anonymous, January 11, 2000


Brother Demastus:

I offer a few words that may be helpful to you concerning your "critics".

The first step is to assume that your critics, though they do not know you, may be your best friends and closest Brother. It is possible that those who criticize you may even save your soul. Paul sharply rebuked and therefore critisized Peter to his face. But the important thing is that Paul was right and Peter needed to be corrected. Not only Peter, but the entire church benefited from Paul,s sharp rebuke and harsh critisism of Peter. Jesus was often a sharp critic and is yet critical of us in His word when we fail to obey Him. He had some sharp critisism for several of the Churches of Asia which he expressed through the Apostle John in the book of Revelation. John the Baptist lost his life because he was critical of Herod by telling he had no right to be married to his brother's wife. Some of the greatest saints that we know and read about in the New Testament were Critical of others. But these critics of the New Testament had a noble purpose for salvation of the souls of their fellow men and to help them to yeild to God and obey Him.

I have found it to be an excellent and beneficial exersize to assume that all of my critics intend to help me follow the truth and therefore I sincerely consider and examine closely to see if it is possible that my critics are correct in their critisism of me. For this reason I consider their words carefully and examine them in the light of God's words and if they are correct I immediately change my course and publicly express to them my appreciation for preventing me from making grevious errors. If my examination proves that their critisim is incorrect, I continue to assume that their intentions toward me were good. I then thank them privately for their attempt to correct my way. I then give a kind but critical review of their critisisms. If I must make public remarks about their criticisms I will tell them in advance of my intentions and will make my remarks refer only to the critical point of view without referring directly to the person who presented them to me.

By following this procedure I have found so many very dear friends and brothers among my harsest critics and I have gained respect of those who critisized me unjustly by giving a fair and just hearing of their concerns while at the same time avoiding the necessity of yeilding to their unjust and unreasonable critisims. Most of the time the unjust critic, if he is treated as if his critisisms were assumed to be from pure motives, is much more easily corrected.

Yes there are those who are completely unjust, obstinate and rediculous, but this process makes the absurdity of their obstinance even more obvious to others.

It is not easy to set emotions aside and follow the above given advice but if you can do it you will experience great personal spritual growth and gain strentgth to do the work of an evangelist. For we are told to "beware when all men speak well of you." You could not be in a more dangerous position that to be surrounded by nothing but lips that praise you. There is saftey among critics. They sharpen you, strengthen you, challenge you, but most of all they are the only ones that can save you from grevious mistakes and damnable heresies!

The chinese often say that "he who praises you controls you." Think about it. Is is not true that we often prefer to go the direction of those who applaud our efforts and often feel safe without reasoning about what we do? If everyone agrees then we must be right? How often has the "majority" been wrong?

I hope that you will find the above advice helpful. I also agree with Brother Danny that a regular reading of the book of Proverbs will help you gain the wisdom to face criticism to your advantage.

From your Brother in Christ and one of your harshest critics,

E. Lee Saffold

-- Anonymous, January 12, 2000


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