my wife is a sexual abuse survivor and anemic to make matters worse. She has physically and mentally abused me in our mariage. I always tried to understand why she did this and be understanding. She has now filed for divorce and is accusing me of sexually assaulting her and physically harming her. I could never do this. If I had I couldn't live with myself, I was raised you never should be aggressive against women, children, or the elderly. I still belive this. I don't want to divorce my wife. But, she refuses to go to counciling. I know it would help. She went a couple of years ago to a counciler for a short time and it helped then. I also have to worry about a four year old son. A son she could ignore when she would get depressed. What can I do to defend myself, do what is best for my son, and hopefully get my wife the help she needs??

-- Anonymous, January 03, 2000

Answers

Make sure that you see a doctor and or councillors reguarding not only the pain she is experiencing but what her actions are doing to you. Be careful that the coucillors don't have a hidden agenda against you (you are an abuser in denial). Good luck.

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2000

In addition to obtaining medical documentation and consultation over time re: physical unjuries you sustain, personal mental health counseling is also recommended to document and receive consultation re: the psychological trauma you sustain, and to clarify its practical implications to you, and what you can constructively do about it. I would also recommend that you complete a skills training program concerning anger and conflict resolution for your own validation and edification. Embrace the community resources for your own support ...

-- Anonymous, March 17, 2000

If your wife is anything like mine (similar facts)she is a danger to you and your children. You will probably find that she will manipulate your child if she can to not want to see you. Research "Parental Alienation Syndrome on the Net for information. The most important thing is to get a court order for a family psychological assessment, and retain a doctor of pychology, not just a family assessor or therapist. Good luck.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I really feel for you because I'm married to an abusive wife who was sexually abused as a child. All of the abuse has made me dependent on her. She's cheated on me a few times and has told me that if I don't like it I should leave. Listen e-mail me. Maybe we could share some of the frustrations. As an abused husband I know it's difficult to voice what's happening to you.

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2001

I feel for what you are going through. I am in exactly the same situation right know. My wife has tried to seek violence orders on me on several occassions without succes. She has cheated on me on numerous occassions and her sexuality has changed to the point were she was seeing several people including me and has proceeded to high level porn interests. She has issues with alcohol, depression, confidence, bad dreams, neglected our children suicidal tendancies. I have been manipulated and made feel guilty and I am the blame for the failures of most things in the family. This is a type sheet to survive the court ordeal and give you some guidance in conduct. http://home.vicnet.net.au/~nuance/separate/divorcetips.htm. I am yet to get there but it has already focused me for the battle ahead. Remember that false allegations of any kind are criminal in its self and would not bide well for future hearings. I am like you I could never do this women and children. http://home.vicnet.net.au/~nuance/separate/divorcetips.htm. The advice of Psych assessment is very shrewd and one that I think would be helpful for me as well. By saying what you have said and what have others have said you are not alone. Remember, remain strong for the children. I am currently looking after my boys while my ex is in a safe house. Being advised of her rights. Your children might need family court representative. Here in Aust one can be used to faciltate the best needs of the child. If yours are old enough they will truely remember whether the allegations can be justified. Otherwise it is heresay. So Work for today, believe in tomoorrow and take three steps forward and one step back.

Is there anyone else who wants to email me on there experiences and outcomes. I would greatly appreciate it.

-- Anonymous, November 02, 2001