A true story and a new years greeting.

(I'd intended to send this out just before midnight on the 31st but persistent rumors that some ISPs are going to be shutting down "just to be on the safe side" before midnight have prompted me to send it out now in hopes of getting it through to y'all in time for the new year.)

When I was a kid I wanted to be a soldier. So I signed up on my 17th birthday and soon found out that (as a career) charging up hills with a bayonet clutched between my teeth while shouting obscenities in a foreign language is highly overrated.

As a veteran I attended Grossmont Junior College. I started out majoring in Police Science but found myself drawn to photography. Then I discovered photojournalism and switched again.

By the time I'd worked my way up from news photographer, through Columnist and Photo Editor to Editor in Chief I'd learned a thing or two about communications.

So when some girl reporter reported to the "G" (title of the Grossmont College Student Newspaper) classroom late and attempted to deflect the annoyance of the teacher with political correctness I knew what to do.

Entering the classroom she greeted the class loudly with "Kung Lee Fat Choy." She then explained her tardiness and her statement saying she'd just come from the campus Chinese New Year celebration and that "Kung Lee Fat Choy" meant "Happy New Year" in Chinese.

Sensing a chance for mischief I immediately asked if the Chinese phrase was Mandarin or Cantonese.

"Mandarin, I guess" she replied puzzled, "Why?"

"That's good!" I said feinting relief. "Because in Cantonese "Kung Lee Fat Choy" means, "Eat my shorts Yankee dog!"

"It does not!" shouted the class prudes with no more evidence to back up their claim than I had for mine.

The teacher was not amused. Again. (I'm only one comedian and there are *so* many critics.)

But (or should I say "however" since this was a college class?) the precedent had been set. For the remainder of the semester classmates greeted each other with "Kung Lee Fat Choy" as they passed each other in the halls.

The recipient's interpretation of the dialect being spoken was determined by the current state of personal relations between the conversationalists.

Now, as we enter a new millennium (at least as far as the computers are concerned) I'd like to wish each and every one of you Kung Lee Fat Choy and a prosperous new millennium! DRC

-- David Craig (DesertDave@aol.com), December 31, 1999

Answers

In my neck of the boonies, Kung Lee Fat Choy means "Something strange is growing on these refrigerated La Choy leftovers! 8^)

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), December 31, 1999.