Musings (ramblings) as I stand upon the precipice...

It seems as only yesterday I listened to Gary North prognosticate doom & gloom on the Art Bell show. Could it be 21 months since I first set out to research the Y2K computer problem; 20 months since I decided that preparation for down times, be they within my little fish bowl or the greater economy which we are all attached via a sometimes fragile, often strong umbilical cord - was/is prudent?

It was as if someone cracked me in the forehead with a golf shoe. WHACK!!! My God! A definite date. A definite dearth of hard, cold facts. Logic & reasoning, knowledge, bias, intuition, emotion, imagination - so rarely do they all come into play, in a major way, when having to make one decision:

To prepare or not to prepare?

So many facets. Too many facets! Get my mind around one piece of the life puzzle, in isolation, another rears its head. Petroleum, self-defense, JIT inventory, sewage, heating...Stretch my imagination to its fullest...can't go further...must expand my consciousness just a little more...Ouch!!!

I've lived in two worlds since day one of this mighty test; Pre-rollover (day-to-day) & post-rollover (survival of & adjustment to a 7+). This has been addressed often by posters more eloquent than I. I mention this because I've come to the realization of a third world:

What if my worst nightmare manifests: What if it really is just a BITR?

Part of me fully expects a BITR, has for several months. Which part? That part which is shut off from emotion.

But I don't want it to be so! Truly. I've expressed this desire on more than one occasion. Long-lost threads hidden deep in the bowels of the TB2000 archive. Only now has the magnitude of the consequences of my wish hit me in any substantial way. My compassion is awakening. If the impact of Y2K is moderate to severe then hundreds, thousands will die. Death, as I see it, is a friend. Certainly nothing to fear. However...

The pain of losing a loved one magnified hundreds, thousands of times. Oh my. The suffering of those who fear death. The suffering of those who lose a child, parent, loved one. I hadn't been able to incorporate this into my overall outlook. Until now. And it hurts. And it confuses.

I feel as if a dark, mystical maul has fallen upon me, splitting me into many separate entities - each with a will, each strongly asserting its independence. No longer can I keep a reign on all the parts. The Big Bang (personal scale) is tough to stifle! Guess I'll have to do my best to work towards re-incorporating said parts into a new whole.

Or will the soul flower in the bright light of freedom, having cast off the multi-layered veil of illusion?

"Time alone, yes time will tell."

"Think you're in Heaven but you're really in Hell..." - Robert Nesta Marley

Blessings,

-- Bingo1 (howe9@pop.shentel.net), December 27, 1999

Answers

Relax, Bingo... it's been a long, strange trip. You are a decent fellow and will find your way no matter what happens in the coming months.

-- Ken Decker (kcdecker@worldnet.att.net), December 27, 1999.

Bingo1,

"Part of me fully expects a BITR, has for several months. Which part? That part which is shut off from emotion."

You have it backwards. It's your emotional side that's telling you it will be a bitr. It's your rational, logical side telling you physical reality rules and Y2K can not be fixed.

Prepare. 4 days left.

-- GoldReal (GoldReal@aol.com), December 27, 1999.

Thanks for the kind words, Ken.

I'm not despondent. Just torn by the possibilities. Had to vent.

Best Wishes,

-- Bingo1 (howe9@pop.shentel.net), December 27, 1999.

Bingo,

Perhaps you can look at this as a rebirth of a kind. You have searched within yourself and become familiar with viewing the darker possibilities life can toss us. You have learned how to prepare as best as possible for hard times - from whatever cause. Now relax and feel confident that you can handle it, come what may. No person knows what the future holds - but you have decided to not bury your head in the sand. Remember to enjoy each day fully, SMILE and accept the new you. Life really is beautiful.

-- Kristi (securxsys@cs.com), December 27, 1999.

I tell you one thing man, if the power goes out I'm going to miss listening to Bob Marley.

-- (there@i've said. it), December 27, 1999.

GoldReal,

That's too funny. We've never met yet you "know" me well enough to correct my introspection. I'll nod & back away now...

Kristi,

I look at every day as a rebirth. For each day holds unlimited potential. The funny thing is I've been relaxed for many months, satisfied with my level of preparation. And I know I can handle whatever may come - spiritually speaking.

Kristi: "Remember to enjoy each day fully, SMILE and accept the new you. Life really is beautiful."

I occasionally use the tag line "Smile from the Heart". It's been a while. Thanks for the reminder Kristi!

Smile from the Heart!

-- Bingo1 (howe9@pop.shentel.net), December 27, 1999.

Hey, Bingo, It's like the moment of enlightenment. Something within us resists. The ego is a tough nut to crack. Thy Will be done--you know? Best for the spiritual journey.

-- Mara (MaraWayne@aol.com), December 27, 1999.

Hi Mara. Long time, eh!

The ego is a tough nut. Been battling with it for 20+ years. Just when you think you have it reduced to optimal size/strength, up it pops, demanding a bigger share of "air time". Eternal vigilance - or just seems like it!

"Thy Will be done--you know?" I know, but the LEVEL at which I know it changes second to second - You know? :)

My best to you & yours Mara. Stay safe. Fly high.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@pop.shentel.net), December 27, 1999.

Bingo1, "Smile-and-nod" is such an important survival skill. I see in your response to GoldReal, you've mastered it(G).

I understand your angst. It's a big week for what-ifs. Pardon my narrowness, but I have a tough time understanding how anyone could not be feeling a little shakey, this week - What if I sold everything and moved to some godforsaken shack in the middle of nowhere, and it's just a BITR? What if I DIDN'T sell everything and move to a god forsaken shack in the niddle of nowhere, and it's a 10? Am I sure I remembered everything I needed for a 5 or worse? Will all this stuff REALLY be used, if it's a BITR, or better? Should I have been friendlier with the neighbors? Should I have been LESS friendly with the neighbors? Etc, etc, etc...

(As a sidebar: before I hit the submit button, my wife asked what I was posting. She just informed me, that she's not feeling the least bit introspective. Sigh.....must be an introvert/extrovert thing.)

-- Bokonon (bok0non@my-Deja.com), December 27, 1999.

"Smile-and-nod" is a tough one to learn, Bok. Fortunately I get a great deal of practice here on the forum. :)

Thanks for pointing out the angst aspect. At least on the surface, I'm not experiencing it regarding preps/Y2K outcome. There's just too much going on in my subconscious. Dreams are totally alien lately. Makes me more than a bit unnerved.

Bok:(..."Sigh.....must be an introvert/extrovert thing.)"

Too funny! In a good way. Not smiling & nodding. (Tripping over myself here).

Seriously, introspection is a VERY painful practice. But invaluable.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@pop.shentel.net), December 27, 1999.

Bingo1,

Before you evolve, you have to learn. You have to learn, before you can understand. After you understand, you can act correctly. When you act correctly, you are in harmony with nature. When you are in harmony with nature, you have peace.

-- GoldReal (GoldReal@aol.com), December 27, 1999.

GoldReal,

By & large I agree with your 2nd post. With one exception: Intuition.

Intuition bypasses learning, understanding, evolving. Or perhaps these stages are merely condensed into a single nanosecond or thereabouts. I'm unqualified to do more than speculate.

Your lack of contrition (for jumping to conclusion in your 1st post) leads me to believe you know the words (from your 2nd post), but fail to understand them. IMO, of course.

-- Bingo1 (howe9@pop.shentel.net), December 27, 1999.

"Part of me fully expects a BITR, has for several months. Which part? That part which is shut off from emotion."

You have it backwards. It's your emotional side that's telling you it will be a bitr. It's your rational, logical side telling you physical reality rules and Y2K can not be fixed.

Before you evolve, you have to learn. You have to learn, before you can understand. After you understand, you can act correctly. When you act correctly, you are in harmony with nature. When you are in harmony with nature, you have peace.

Bingo1,

My second post was a continuation of my first post. They work together in harmony.

-- GoldReal (GoldReal@aol.com), December 27, 1999.

I've always appreciated your "attitude" and "style" on this forum Bingo. And just so you'll know, those "words of wisdom" you posted long ago were put to very good use. ["This life is all about choices".] Thanks.

Best wishes to you and yours.

-- CD (not@here.com), December 27, 1999.

Thanks, CD. There's no better feeling than to be of help to another. That's the legacy of TB2000, as I see it. People helping people.

Best To All,

-- Bingo1 (howe9@pop.shentel.net), December 27, 1999.