Do you ever just want things to stay the same?

-- Shae (angel@gci.net), December 27, 1999

Answers

oh, now more than ever. to be middle-aged is to revisit the uncertainty of teendom. what will tomorrow be? sometimes i want to go to sleep instead of waiting up for it.

do i ever wish things would stay the same? do i ever wish for hil@24, ani@22, barbie@14, flynn@9, heather@15, shae@16?

yes, they were all fabulous later. but for just one day with any of them...

-- Kip Crosby (kip@plastique.org), December 27, 1999.

I don't want them to stay the way they are now. I want them to jump back five years, or jump ahead five, or whatever it takes to get me out of this sour-sixteen-and-sick-of-it funk.

-- Adrienne (adrienne@plastique.org), December 27, 1999.

i want... that time in childhood when the past, be it 4 hours or 4 months ago, holds no relevence to the now, and the future is too far away to worry about. when my mind is balanced by all that it is, not what it is with drugs, my mother knows all the answers, and the only cuts on my fair skin are the ones caused by laughter streaked romps through the garden.

i want things to stay that way.

-- racheljoy (broken@violated.nu), December 27, 1999.

i always feel a need for things to stay the same, other wise i feel i can't stay sane myself. or that's what i thought...people say i never change, that they change around me. i guess they were wrong.

-- Kathleen (automatic@speechless.net), December 27, 1999.

hi shae. b'fore i get started, i just wanted to say the site is looking great and this is a groovy little forum thing. i constantly find myself wishing things would change, actually... i get bored with the same thing (which probably explains why i spend months on a website only to delete it two weeks later, and then i do it all over again). but some things don't really change... i mean, no matter what happens, i always seem to end up back in this desk, sitting in the dark with greasy hair and acne, listening to ziggy stardust and tik tik tik-ing away at this dumb keyboard. just my personal thoughts. anyway, that was beautiful about all the thousand tears and first kisses and whatnot. i miss you. xoxo, -thom

-- thom (thom@smudged.org), December 27, 1999.

I wish things at the moment would stay the same, but at the same time I want things to change. All my friends are moving away to uni, and so will I, but I don't want us to be going on with our lives, I want to just sit around doing nothing with them 24/7

-- Ang (ang@fallenstar.org), December 27, 1999.

i was just having this conversation earlier. and yesterday. and the day before. i think i think about it too often.

i was listening to "the circle game" by joni mitchell earlier, and my mother and i got into a conversation about the entire "youth is wasted on the young" cliche. and i told her that it's true...all children want to do is grow up; they want things to change, they want to get older. and there is a moment in everyone's life when they realize that they don't want to get older anymore. i realized this when i was thirteen. i think that's a little younger than when most kids realize it. i cried on my fourteenth birthday. i feel sick every time i have a birthday now. and i am going to be eighteen on my next. the thought terrifies me. i don't want to get older. i dont want change. ever.

i want to stay a kid forever. college scares me. being an adult scares me. edging closer and closer to death.

& i know that when i go back to college in my hometown, nothing is going to be the same. i remember a country song, in which two characters went back to their hometown after a long time, and nothing was the same even though they were; their hangouts that meant so much to them were gone, the people they loved were gone...

&meep.

-- amber (gypsy@cakedemons.com), December 27, 1999.

hell yeah..

-- amber marie (lucidity@anarchistbarbiedolll.com), December 28, 1999.

Yes, and unforcunately, I usually lose the game and I have to put up with change.

-- bec (angel@dinette.org), December 29, 1999.

No, never. I feel at my "best" when I'm in new places and situations. In ten years, however, I'm sure I'll think differently.

-- Steve (steve@misanthrope.org), December 29, 1999.

Sure I do. Some days (weeks, months, even years) are just so perfect that you never want to let them go. I used to resist change with every fiber of my being.

Now I know a little better. I still don't seek out change. I don't look forward to it. But I'm learning to take it into stride at least. If not for my own sake, then for my husband's.

-- Jasmine (jasmine_rose_1@yahoo.com), December 29, 1999.

Usually. For once in my life, though, no. Right now I want things to change more than ever. I want to have the courage to kiss him. I want him to have the emotions to kiss back.

-- Tiffany (mapleberry@hotmail.com), December 30, 1999.

always. i was cleaning out my closet today, and i found alot of things i have been keeping since i was ten years old. it made me realize how truly happy i was with my colouring books (yes, i still coloured when i was ten) and my barbie dolls and my power ranger toys. i often wish i was still able to be who i was back then. (but of course, that's impossible) i wish the city i lived in was the same as it was then, i wish i was still friends with the same kids, i wish the same people still lived on my street... i hate change. but i guess everything (and everyone) has to.

-- Christianne (cnicholi@microage-tb.com), December 30, 1999.

I take my earlier post back. Yesterday, while I was in his van, this song came on the radio. It was a nice tune, and kept repeating "We can't change what might have been" and it was killing me. I knew I should just lean over and kiss him. Then again, I didn't want to cause an accident in the middle of the road. Then we pulled into the bank and he shut off the van...and the song. There was nothing more that I wanted than to just sit there in the van and listen to it with him, hoping the courage I needed to listen to my heart would spring up out of nowhere.

-- Tiffany (mapleberry@hotmail.com), December 31, 1999.

Yes. I lay awake most nights and I could keep up with all the changes. But I can't. I'm too much of a perfectionist, that it drives me up the wall to know I can't change these changes. The only thing I want to stay the same is the conditions of my friendships. I wish friends didn't change for the worse, but they do, unfortunatley. And please believe me when I say I tried with all my heart to reverse the process, but it just left me tired. The things I want to change is how I'm not with Nathan. He used to be my inspiration, my light, my hero... the love of my life. But, things took an unusual turn. And I haven't spoken to him since August. And he's changed for the worse. He's such a jerk now. That's not the Nathan I knew. But this year... no more! I'm not just going to sit back and let the world spin. It's time for a change. Just look in the mirror inside all of you. You only live once. And the clock is ticking...

-- Elena (vittali@smashing-pumpkins.com), January 01, 2000.

more often i just want to disappear, as if my absence would preserve my little world. as if my eyes not seeing the death of that i hold dear would somehow make it true.

-- celinamichelle (celina@plastique.org), January 13, 2000.

God, do I ever. I have had far too many changes and surprises lately, and I'm just sick of it.

I don't want to grow up, either. I want to stay 16 forever. The thought of being an adult and being on my own scares the shit out of me.

Too many surprises. http://hour-glass.net/detached/

-- Sarah (oddinary@hotmail.com), January 30, 2000.