A happy Xmas to all - enjoy it BTSHTF...

a coupla funnies...

Three men were killed in a car crash. When they arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter told them that, as it was the Christmas season, they should demonstrate that they have an understanding of the spirit of Christmas.

The first man pulled a bunch of keys from his pocket and shook them. These represent jingle bells, he said. St. Peter was pleased by this and let him in.

The second man pulled a lighter from his pocket and lit it. This represents festive candles, he said. Welcome, said St. Peter.

The third man pulled a pair of gold coloured (to keep this on topic) ladies panties from his pocket and waved them about. St. Peter didn't look too pleased. What on earth have those to do with Christmas, he demanded. They're Carol's, said the third man.

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In church one Sunday, the vicar was giving a sermon, the theme of which was that for everything that happens in life, a reference can be found in the bible.

At the end of the service, a lady approached him. I liked your sermon today, she told him. However, she said, having read the bible from cover to cover, I declare that I haven't come across any reference to PMS.

The vicar thought about it for some time. Then a smile of enlightenment came over his face. I recall something which fits the bill, he said. The reference is in the New Testament and reads 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem'.

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), December 24, 1999

Answers

That Is Berry Berry Bad,But funny, After many glasses of Christmas wine You Made me Laugh

-- That's Too Funny (OhOh@Blaspheme.com), December 24, 1999.

Cute :')

-- justme (justme@myhouse.com), December 24, 1999.

LOL

-- Hokie (nn@va.com), December 24, 1999.

Be Berry Berry careful, Andy, to whom you give offense on this most sacred of Christmas Eves.

-- PD (PaulDMaher@att.worldnet.com), December 24, 1999.

most sacred of Christmas Eves.
funny, since it was ripped off from Pagans.

-- Teiwaz (stormholder@hotmail.com), December 24, 1999.

Lighten up, God has a sense of humour too you know.

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), December 25, 1999.

Teiwaz: I see that you don't share my concern for Andy's well-being. I undertand that you do not believe it possible that God might present himself to us as an infant child, but that does not excuse you from making unsupported and hence bigoted and offensive allegations to those who do not share your beliefs. You are, however, free to try and "rip-off" Good Friday. Andy: No offense, intended, just trying to look out for you. This is a holy day, (holiday) not certain that God might like the punch line of some joke about his mother. Might be a stick in the mud, but you know, this just might be a bad time to get yourself in hot water with the Son of Man

-- PD (PaulDMaher@att.worldnet.com), December 25, 1999.

OK PD you win

sysops delete please

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), December 25, 1999.

No, really, God isn't as narrow minded as we are. He even likes stupid jokes--no offense intended, Andy.

-- Mara (MaraWayne@aol.com), December 25, 1999.

Jeesh. Some people.

-- Y2KGardener (govegan@aloha.net), December 25, 1999.

About the breadth of God's mind, that I can't tell you. I will attest that God loves his mother, and us, and that is what today is about. If I gave bad advice no harm done, if my concern was well placed, well it's said that there is rejoicing in heaven when one corrects their error. I've got to get some sleep. A very Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

-- PD (PaulDMaher@att.worldnet.com), December 25, 1999.

PD - You got PMS? Its seems that you're riding our collective asses. Give your proselytizing a rest.

-- Guy Daley (guydaley@bwn.net), December 25, 1999.

If Mary was born a human woman, she had a human woman's body, despite the miraculous birth told of in the Gospels. There is no reason to believe that her body didn't do any other thing that a woman's body does. That she was Immaculately Conceived does not mean that she couldn't have normal women's hormones. Men didn't understand PMS 2000 years ago, men didn't understand it 100 years ago, and men don't understand it even today. It's OK for Mary to have had PMS, unless she's some plaster saint. None of us owns her, let her be all she can be including human.

If you can learn to see the real woman in the Lady, maybe you'll learn to see the Lady in real women too. It widens the circle of what is holy, instead of saying this thing is not holy and that thing is not holy. We women live by our tides and the circular rhythms of our cycles, and it is a holy thing and a blessing, even if we do get cranky and need lots of chocolate some days.

And Andy, thank you for that Carol joke, I'm passing it on to all the Carols I know. Loved it.

-- Firemouse (firemouse@fcmail.com), December 25, 1999.

Firemouse, Yes, miraculously, almost unbeleivably even our human flesh is made acceptable before the Lord. But I think you are missing the point. I will be the first to admit that, yes, I had no clean underwear when I awoke this morning for Christmas services. If anyone wants to make fun of someone today, you can laugh at me. And I am not trying to get on Andy's case but want to explain why I am acting as I a am. I know that the Lord is more forgiving and loving then us and but let me try to illustrate through the golden rule why I might be worried about this as we approach the 2000th year of our Lord.

Guy: (this is for the purposes of illustration). I am glad you find this post so amusing, if that's the case then I am absolutely positive you'll be delighted when I share with the forum a joke I heard about your momma, and her menstrual cycle, it goes like this ... but wait, I know, I'm gonna wait until your birthday then I'll spring this beauty of a joke on ya. I am certain that you will be so open minded that this will make us fast friends. I am sure this doesn't upset you, but to even partially begin to get an idea of this you would have to consider this instead as taking place in a public forum adressed to and on the birthday of say a president or monarch (or in more truth, the King of all of us). How is it then inappropriate to say to someone, "please, keep quiet before you get yourself hurt". I would be pretty irresponsible to all involved if I didn't say something. Yes, I am proselytizing, do what you will with it. Firemouse, yes, I agree, that Mary tota pulchra (all beautiful) or as the poet said "sullied mankind's solitary boast" has made everything of herself pleasing to the Lord, but please, on this of all Christmases let's at least keep the same dialogue we might hope for one another. I was embarrased that I had no clean underwear this morning, I would hope your embarrassed to be whispering panty jokes on the King's birthday.

-- PD (PaulDMaher@att.worldnet.com), December 25, 1999.

I was laughing at myself made the butt of that Carol joke, for that is my name. And at that, the word "carol" has a shaky foundation for something that has more recently become a term for a purely Christian song, for if you will check the Oxford English Dictionary it has the ancient meaning of "stone circle," specifically that most pagan of temples, Stonehenge.

The mothers I know make jokes about PMS and don't mind silly jokes at family birthday celebrations. The "yo mama" jokes are just irrelevant to us, and we shrug them off, it's no big deal. Perhaps because it is different being a mama than being a man our perspectives on this are not the same. We all have our own different ways of relating to the Divine, and some of us feel the Lady is big enough to appreciate both reverence and mirth. The holiday season is big enough to hold both our views.

-- Firemouse (firemouse@fcmail.com), December 26, 1999.

Amen firemouse.... sheesh...

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), December 26, 1999.