How quickly things escalate:

After I was informed by Mother that my stolen cannister of mashed potatoes was contraban and had been consficated for Christmas dinner. I jumped up and down and screamed bloody murder. Suddenly, I detected a growing agitation from the troops.

I felt like I had been transported to Seattle and I had forgotton my tear gas pellets. I was forced to beat a hasty retreat back down to the hole.

As more polly vermin arrive for the holidays to pilfer my supplies, I've locked myself in the bunker for the duration.

I'm writting this to you by lantern light, as the polly's have somehow managed to cut off my electricity. I can hear them upstairs singing jingle bells, and something about 'the Wicked Witch is dead', VERY FUNNY! Polly's, Sheesh!!!

The wife(She who must be obeyed} has told me that I can stay down here with the cat untill I start acting like an adult. It's truly amazing how women can be so sweet and docile untill a man has a moment of weakness. Then all hell breaks loose. The true Madusa is exposed. Hidious vile creatures!

Strange how a little solitude and darkness can enlighten the mind. Chemtrails, black hellicopters, It's all becomming very clear. Have you ever noticed how the new Campbell Soup label glistens in the dark ever so softly? Like joyous children singing in the night?

I have five gallons of keresene and have decided to convert the old Dirt Devil into a flame thrower. I could use any technical help out there ASAP, as I think I hear the pitter patter of footsteps coming down the stairs.

Probably comming for my cans, or my supply of purified distilled ozinated water. Or maybe their just going outside to sneak a cigeratte. Here, need a light? Heh Heh Heh!!!!!

Lock and load.

Cheers,

-- Infidel (Barbarians@thegate.net), December 23, 1999

Answers

Infidel, this is actually pretty funny (even though you're in need of a spell checker). Too bad you're on the delete list for denial of service violations.

-- (TrollPatrol@sheesh.now), December 23, 1999.

Keep your wits about you man, the fate of humanity lies in your hands!!!

-- Hokie (nn@va.com), December 23, 1999.

loolollololololololololoolol, very good, my wife's the same way, damed polly vermin, heheheheh

-- Bernard (Llama man@cool.net), December 23, 1999.

Is this Mike Adams?

-- Uncle Nutsy (TB@2000.wackos), December 23, 1999.

Trollpatrol: Better check you list twice. Get a life, or someone else's.

Uncle Nutsy: No, this is the original Infidel

Hokie: I'm here, I'm here! reporting for duty.

-- Infidel (Barbarians@thegate.net), December 23, 1999.

rotfl!!! Keep "um coming!

-- More Dinty Moore (dac@ccrtc.com), December 23, 1999.

What are the letters that mean more funny than ROTFLMAO?! My sides are HURTING! I read it three times and went falling down Hysterical each time!! Too Funny!

-- Wiping Tears (from@botheyes.com), December 23, 1999.

Ah, Ive heard ROTFLMAOPIP as the next step up.

Infidel, truly a good chuckle, thank you. Need all the delight we can find right now methinks.

-- LauraA (laadedah@aol.com), December 23, 1999.

"I'm writting this to you by lantern light, as the polly's have somehow managed to cut off my electricity"

Kerosene powered computer? Where'd you get it.

-- can'tfoolme (thinkit's@not.true), December 24, 1999.

To start with, to convert the Dirt Devil you'll need a Swiss Army Knife and a good-size roll of Duct Tape...

-- McGuyver (CanBuild@nythingWithThis.Stuff), December 24, 1999.

<<<<<< Passing 3 rolls of duct tape, one for the wife's mouth and of course, lets not forget the inlaws, opps typo, the outlaws....

-- consumer (shh@aol.com), December 24, 1999.