What is the average time it takes for all thorns to depart the human body once said human body has Possum Trotted? I still see signs of some foreign/Missouri/Misery matter imbedded in me. Would sipping tea expedite thorn ejection?

-- Swampfox (mikell@sprynet.com), December 22, 1999

Answers

This ain't no time for sippin' tea! Thorns are a serious business. More people have been killed by infections from thorn intrusion than in all of the wars in the history of mankind combined. My advice - remove the thorns immediately!

Left to their own devices and assuming the survival of the human host, a thorn will last approximately 3 months times the diameter of the thorn in millimeters squared.

To remove the thorn, swab the area of skin around the offending item with a disinfectant like alcohol. Take a carrot or vegetable peeler and begin scraping skin off over the thorn until you get down far enough that the thorn is exposed. Take a sharp knife and make two cuts in your skin across the thorn in an X pattern. Next, grab the thorn with ratnose pliers and slowly wiggle it back and forth. Hopefully it will begin to loosen allowing you to ease it out. Some thorns that are barbed won't come out (e.g., our friend the teddybear), but these shouldn't be encountered at Black and Blue.

-- Mook (everett@psi.edu), December 22, 1999.

I'm a swampfox, not a ratfox! Nobody's going to use ratnose pliers on me!

-- Swampfox (mikell@sprynet.com), December 22, 1999.