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If we're Y2K goners, the future's in her hands

Tuesday, December 21, 1999

By CHRISTOPHER QUINN PLAIN DEALER REPORTER

If the rest of the human race perishes because of Y2K chaos next week, Maureen Kyle's duty will be to emerge from subterranean New York and help repopulate the Earth.

MTV, the music television network, has chosen the 19-year-old Westlake woman to help guarantee that its viewers don't die out with the 20th century. She is one of six people - three men and three women - who will be locked in a bunker the day after Christmas and kept there until New Year's Day.

"When they emerge, in the event that the rest of the population has been wiped out in a millennial apocalypse, they will serve the planet as modern-day Adams and Eves," MTV says. "If not, they'll just wander home and maybe visit a sun tan parlor."

Kyle said her parents - her dad is the St. Ignatius High School football coach - understand that her role could entail sex with strangers should civilization reach its end. "They haven't talked about it," she said.

Actually, MTV chose Kyle for the Bunker Project because of her wholesome midwestern values. A psychologist evaluating candidates for the project described her as "balanced, creative, kind, nonconflicted, religious and pretty."

The "bunker-nauts" will not meet until Sunday, when they climb into their temporary quarters, built from three tornado shelters in the basement of the New York Times building. Anyone with a computer and a modem can watch video from the bunker 24 hours a day at http://www.mtv.com

Because the action will be live, MTV is discouraging profanity. And the network won't show any bunker-nauts getting an early start on repopulating the Earth.

As for producing future generations of MTV viewers, the station might have bungled in its choice of Kyle.

Her favorite CD is "Frank Sinatra's Greatest Hits."

-- Homer Beanfang (Bats@inbellfry.com), December 21, 1999

Answers

I am so heartened to learn of this plan.

-- (MTV@mindless.TV), December 21, 1999.

Perfect job for LadyLogic the troll, repopulating the earth with the next generation of welfare queens and gullible goofballs .

-- Lobo (northeast@southwest.com), December 21, 1999.

I can remember when MTV used to play music videos.

-- oh well (thosedays@are.gone), December 21, 1999.

I can't resist.... and now, heeeeerrrrreeeee's Maureen !

....now my pick for propogation...... kind resembles that Lewinski intern, doesn't she?

-- Hillbilly (Hillbilly@possum.creek), December 21, 1999.

Well, heck, let's try that again: Maureen

....and Tina...

-- Hillbilly (Hillbilly@possum.creek), December 21, 1999.

Now, assuming there's a major calamity...how long you think they'll last? Especially if they come out the day after....

But hey- I imagine the 3 girls are kinda cute- Toss the three guys into the street and I'LL hang in the bunker...the girls chances of survival will rise about 200%. And I'll make all the babies they want! };-]

-- Satanta (EventHoriz@n.com), December 21, 1999.

Gawd, I jes luv tryin this...

-- Hillbilly (Hillbilly@possum.creek), December 21, 1999.

Balanced, creative, kind, non-conflicted, and religious? Aren't there some mutually contradictory terms here?

-- StanTheMan (heidrich@presys.com), December 21, 1999.