Ok...what do you do when TSHTF and the burr-wipe peoples stop making T.P? Assuming there aint no Pollies and Trolls to use....some answers to the question here:

EventHoriz@n.com), December 19, 1999

Answers

Hold it.

-- (I'mHere@today.com), December 19, 1999.

Here's the URL...apparently my links and the last half of my link wasn't closed....http://www.survival.com/turds.htm

link

-- Satanta (EventHoriz@n.com), December 19, 1999.

Move to Greece and use rocks.

Its a fact.

Ask a greek...

-- hamster (hamster@mycage.com), December 19, 1999.

Pinch? Try adding more fiber to your diet.

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), December 19, 1999.

Drink Old Mill. Won't need to pinch. ;)

-- FLAME AWAY (BLehman202@aol.com), December 19, 1999.

In many parts of the world, it is quite impolite to offer your left hand to shake hands. People presume what you have used your left hand for. Does that answer your question?

-- David Holladay (davidh@brailleplanet.org), December 19, 1999.

I read somewhere that the native American Indians used mussel shells which they cleaned off after use and carried with them. Always wondered why they had a necklace with a big clam shell on it.

Gerald

-- Gerald R. Cox (grcox@internetwork.net), December 19, 1999.

When I spent some time in the Ocala Swamp many decades ago, we used Spanish Moss.

-- Ron Schwarz (rs@clubvb.com.delete.this), December 19, 1999.

Got me a whole box full of brand spanky new phone books to utilize in just such an event - they dont take up much space and could end up being very useful - great source for starting fires as well - in VERY desperate times one might find a way to utilize for duplicate uses if tasks were scheduled one following another (if you get my drift)

-- NoNameGiven (getmorephonebooks@phoneoutlet.com), December 19, 1999.

I once did Outward Bound (I wish I had paid more attention!) and we used leaves. Lots of them. That experience is why we have over 100 rolls of TP and several boxes of newspaper hanging around. If that runs out I can always use my Java books (grin).

-TECH32-

-- TECH32 (TECH32@NOMAIL.COM), December 19, 1999.

Where's the wisdom of Old Git when you need it most?

>"<

-- SH (squirrel@huntr.com), December 19, 1999.

Stock Certificates or Fiat currency might come in handy, here.

-- robert j. (crandalls@cableone.net), December 19, 1999.

I think I have now officially learned more than I ever wanted to in my life. (I did pick up two important pieces of information, though: [1] The euphemism "toilet trout"; [2] If you're going to use leaves, learn how to recognize poison oak first.)

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), December 19, 1999.

Cat fur is even softer than Charmin. They always clean themselves up when you're finished so they will be ready to go the next time.

-- Tenderhole (doesn't@like.paper), December 19, 1999.

>Cat fur is even softer than Charmin. They always clean themselves up when you're finished so they will be ready to go the next time.<

Unless, of course, your cat has some kind of parasite playing inside, such as tapeworms, which my cat has. Then, if you use you little kitty's nice, soft fur for your cute behind, you may end up with a 30' worm as an Xmas surprise. Better stock up on Charmin instead.

-- (parasites@bottom.com), December 19, 1999.

It was a joke you ninkumpoop!

-- Tenderhole (cat@scratch.fever), December 19, 1999.

In the rural areas, when there were no Sears catalogs available the most available item was corn cobs. When I was a small child, they were the standard item in the outhouse at my aunt's farm.

Memories of those visits prompted me to purchase what may be excessive quantities of toilet paper.

WW

-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), December 19, 1999.

Women who have had babies are familiar with the "peri-bottle". It's a plastic bottle you fill with warm water and wash yourself off with when you have stitches in the peri-anal region and can't use TP for a week or more. It works. You can use mustard bottles, whatever. I keep forgetting to buy TP!!

-- helen (sstaten@fullnet.net), December 19, 1999.

David H.: In the Middle East, they lop off the right hand of a thief, leaving him with only the left, which is his butt-wipe. Not only is he now crippled and short one hand, he is also effectively ostracized from the typical communal food bowl -- and by extension, society --, since they won't let him stick his left hand in there for some of that rice and lamb. A real double-punch.

-- Norm Harrold (nharrold@tymewyse.com), December 19, 1999.

Stocked up on Baby Wipes :-)

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (allaha@earthlink.net), December 19, 1999.

Norm/David

used to work in Saudi - they call it your "dung hand" - used to paticipate in cross-legged feasts in the middle of the computer room - luckily I am right-handed... :o)

Tenderhole

ROTFLMAO!!!

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), December 19, 1999.

Telephone books work fine, just tear off and crumple. Paper with a gloss is tricky. If Old Git see's this, explain the Old English TP.

-- && (&&@&&.&), December 19, 1999.

Old Mr. Bear (no relation to yours truly) was walking through the woods when he meet Mr. Rabbit.

Mr. Bear say to Mr. Rabbit "do you mind if I ask you a personal question?". "No" say the rabbit.

So Mr. Bear says "Say, buddy, do you, um, er, have any problem with crap sticking to you fur?"

"Well, no, not really" responds the bunny.

So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt with him.

-Greybear

-- Got Alternatives?

-- Greybear (greybear@home.com), December 20, 1999.

Greybear,

ROTFLMAO!!!

That mean old Mr. Bear! I've got plenty of TP, but if my neighbors get desperate I'll recommend that!

WW,

Did you use side of the corn cob or... nevermind.

-- Hawk (flyin@high.again), December 20, 1999.

I'm a desert dweller, so I'm going to try using *fillet* (fillet: as in with skin and needles cut off) of prickly pear catus for wiping myself . Fillet of prickly pear is recommend for putting on sunburned skin in a nature book I have, so I would imagine it'd work as TP.

-- Ocotillo (peeling@out.===), December 20, 1999.

What type of toilet paper do the Saudis use?

Sand paper, ha ha ha

-- Andy (2000EOD@prodigy.net), December 20, 1999.

The Definitive Guide (ships in 24 hours!):

How_to_Shit_in_the_Woods

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), December 20, 1999.

i dont poo poo, doo doo or pee pee but i toot sometimes, will we have some air fresheners because they do stink a wee bit

-- Fartster (poot@butnodoodoo.fart), December 20, 1999.

Having endured many years of government issued toilet paper, I think my a**hole can survive just about anything.

-- federal worker (buns@of.steel.com), December 20, 1999.

If you stock up on TP for the rollover and beyond, better make sure that TP is Y2K-compliant.

If not, during the rollover it'll turn into Sears catalog pages!

[grin]

O d d O n e

-- OddOne (mocklamer_1999@yahoo.com), December 20, 1999.