Humor: The Onion's "Y2k Survival Tips" : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

It's about time The Onion weighed in, eh?

-- Steve (, December 16, 1999



Thanks for the link. I'd completely overlooked fruit pies in my preps.


-- Choirboy (, December 16, 1999.

my favorite:

If disaster strikes, it's God's wrath-- quote the Old Testament. But if nothing happens, God is merciful-- quote the New Testament.


nothing like covering ALL the bases......and He does it every time : )

-- mebs (andrea@mebs.lurking), December 16, 1999.

Proud to be from Madison. I can't believe how well they manage with so few writers.

-- mil (, December 16, 1999.

Likewise from Madison - the Onion has expanded immensely. Back in school was just a 4-6 page B&W newspaper. A co-worker had training in Denver maybe a year ago, and brought back a copy (they now also have an office out there too, and I think other places.) It was a colored newspaper, maybe 60 pages long. Amazing - glad to see such a high-integrity source of information be expanded nationally... ;-)

-- Ford Prefect (bring@your.towel), December 16, 1999.

"Decide now whether you want to focus on raping or pillaging when the end comes." Lessee, who was discussing this earlier?

-- Had it (with@that.troll), December 16, 1999.

Remember the Number 1 rule for pirates...

Pillage first... then burn.

(quote pillaged from "The Pirateer" game..)

-- Linda (, December 16, 1999.


Deserts Tips for Yuppies From My Simple Pantry:

Flour bags have pie crust recipes, which I snipped and put inside the double-bag lining of my flour bags, just needs shortening, salt (I double the salt, gets the taste closer to store-bought crust these days, so kids are more accustomed to it), and a couple tbsp water for the crust.

Once ingredients are mixed, knead it with your hands kinda flat then fold it in half about half a dozen times or more to get that "flakey" effect they brag about in the commercials (try not to add more flour at this point cause that would increase the flour-to-shortening ratio in the layers and so sabotage the light flakey construction of the dough, just a dab on hands so it doesn't stick too bad to you).

Flour lightly smoothed on your hands keeps it from sticking; if too much flour makes the dough crack to the point of not being able to shape it into the pan then dip your finger in water to use as "glue".

If you don't have a rolling pin to do the final shaping before putting dough in pan, then lightly flour a cup or even a can of soup, works just fine. Crust batter is also great for cookie dough, just sprinkle white sugar ontop if you have a sweet toothe.

These "cookies" without sugar are great tea/coffee biscuits, and store real well. Good to sprinkle over stew, if made without sugar. Can brush oil on crust to help it golden, if egg whites or butter are not available. It will brown either way, but if you are particular about "golden" then their you go.

If making a pie, let the kids have the extra dough to shape FLAT cookies (if thick, it won't cook through) with sugar/cinnamon sprinkling, wrapped in foil shiny side in, and tossed on warm coals.

Also, cake mix is 2 for 1 these days, so can make cobbler with the pie filling worked into the cake batter, note: applesauce has been a fat-free alternative to oil in baking for years, so if you want to factor in for the moisture of added fruit, you may just down the oil added or eliminate it all together.

Also great to pour fruit filling over pancakes. Powdered sugar and powdered milk with vanilla makes whipped cream, which is great on a warmed cup of apple pie filling and a dash of cinnamon.

My favorite sweet recipe: Rice pudding; just double the vanilla in your recipe, and sprinkle cinnamon on top, lots of raisons bloated in warm water for 30 min prior to mixing them in; great way to get kids used to eating rice.

If you are cooking meat then the greese can be cooled and used to make a crust. The meat crust can be used for s sheppard's pie, bottom layer in pie is seasoned meat, then veggies, then potatoes, then topped with cheese if you have it. If you don't have cheese then the potatoes ontop will brown nicely anyway to make the pie appealing. Pat all ingredients down before baking to minimize any air pockets.

Be creative in designing your layers, only limits of design are (1) minimize any fluids, and (2) Pack more solid ingredients on the bottom layers so that when the pie is sliced, it doesn't fall apart.

-- Hokie (, December 16, 1999.

Another proud Madisonian here.

I love "When the Apocalypse comes plan to rely solely on your good looks, amiable manner and pleasant telephone voice." about a plan for DWGIs!

-- cheddar (, December 16, 1999.

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