Temp Child Custody & Y2K

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Got some late date trouble--girlfriend, son, and grandson moved in last year. Girlfriend observed me stocking up for the upcoming event for several months. She's young and naive, but very spiteful. She has made Y2K an issue for temporary child custody (3rd upcoming hearing [we've won the 2 prior hearings] to determine if he stays in Bay Area or Southern CA) and who has him over the New Year period.

I've relocated our preps to No CA. Girlfriend advised psychologist of this. I was questioned on my preps pretty extensively by this psych who is spending New Year in the big city. You can imagine how you would respond.

The issue the girlfriend makes is that we want to take the child and are prepared to stay away for a long, long time. (She currently sees him everyday.) On this basis she wants the child over the New Year period...to take to a burb of LA.

I have to advise my son who will be speaking to a mediator in court. I think the best approach would be to provide a list of suggested preps by Red Cross and/or FEMA and say if she can't provide (and she can't) those preps for the child and herself then we should get him. Also, I have the SF Chronicle articles about possible riots and power outages which I could provide as support. (The good stuff I have, but I don't think anyone is ready for it...obviously.) I have to proceed very carefully.

The next issue is taking him out of the Bay area...need court order. I don't believe either party will be allowed to take him out of the Bay area, so I thought if we sneaked in a provision that we won't unless the Pres declares a national emergency...I would have my son stationed with the baby at the northernmost point of the Bay area to join us later.

The psych was not happy that I was "concerned" about Y2K.

It is hard to be objective under the circumstances. Any input would be appreciated.

M

-- Meandi (Meandi@need.advice), December 13, 1999

Answers

*I thought if we sneaked in a provision that we won't unless the Pres declares a national emergency...I would have my son stationed with the baby at the northernmost point of the Bay area to join us later.

Such a provision is bound to raise a lot of eyebrows, the wrong kind. You need to find a good lawyer who is either a GI (Got IT) or willing to to whatever it takes (legally) to made that trip possible. This is not a Do-It-Yourself project ... I strongly suggest getting legal help ASAP.

-- (ladybuckeye_59@yahoo.com), December 13, 1999.


You might want to have a copy of the most recent CIO/Deutsche Bank y2k readiness (survery as reported by an established news service such as AP or Reuters) to illustrate that your concerns are based "hard evidence" such as it is (v. internet rumor.)

Stress that you have no poltical or relgious agenda. You're simply concerned about public safety/health aspects of this issue. (Maybe documentation and mention of the Van Nuys sewage incident would be appropriate.) "Prudent preparation" is the catch phrase here.

You might also make a comment that with her attitude she is not even prepared in the event of an earthquake...something all Californians should be prepared for...and that concerns you in and of itself.

Perhaps you could convince the court that your trip out of the Bay Area is in the nature of a holiday vaction as well as an effort to avoid any civil disruptions related to y2k. Are there recreation facilities where your headed? Can you make a reservation for some kind of recreation activity?

Please keep us updated if possbile.

Good luck.

-- curiouslyinterested (curiouslyinterested@nowhere.net), December 13, 1999.


Meandi, I don't know how your state operates, but in most states, the judge only looks at three things to determine custody. Whether or not the child has a stable home, is doing well at school or in life, and where it's siblings are. A stable home is considered one in which you have a roof over your head and food in your belly...it is the home where you have your bed and toys. THAT is a huge plus in custody. Is the child happy and healthy? And that's it, Period. Unless it can be proven in some way that your son is mentally unstable, which I highly believe a psychiatrist cannot say about prepping for y2k, nothing will change in the custody. A history of mental illness is another thing. In NJ, if you have custody, you need only prove that your MOVE is in the best interest of your family to be allowed to move out of state. However, if the non custodial parent is a loving parent, and it seems she is if she comes every day to see the child, I would say it is NOT in the childs best interest, even if it's in yours. Please consider that.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), December 13, 1999.

Custody is not the issue here. Since we have previously been awarded temp custody after the last two hearings, I feel pretty confident that we shall win this battle. We provide an excellent environment and home for our son and grandson. We are going thru the mud-slinging phase which is not pleasant to say the least. The girlfriend does not play honestly or fairly.

I realize the prime importance of our grandson being allowed to leave the big city during the transition period. After that...we'll play it as it comes our way. Temporary primary care giver does not give either party the right to take the child (1 year old) out of the SF Bay area. I need solid arguments to present for my son to leave the area with babe. We've tried the ski vacation bit--which incidentally is true. The girlfriend refuses to believe this. She had rather be in LA which is strange in itself...she must think something will happen during the changeover period and instead of thinking of her son's safety she wants him with her. I will not discuss what kind of mother she is...but there are other motivations than being a devoted mom which can make a person behave the way she does.

Many thanks for your helpful advice. I guess mention of the 'national emergency' is a little risky. I'll keep you updated under the "Temp Custody" subject. Hopefully, it will be handled soon. M

-- Meandi (Meandi@thanks.alot), December 13, 1999.


kritter-

Look at Meandi's post again--

>>>She has made Y2K an issue for temporary child custody (3rd upcoming hearing [we've won the 2 prior hearings] to determine if he stays in Bay Area or Southern CA) and who has him over the New Year period.<<<

Apparently y2k is an issue here. Why would a psych question Meandi extensively regarding the family's preps before the hearing if it was not an issue?...And you need to consider that the girlfriend could be building a case for mental instability against Meandi and his/her son based on their y2k concerns.

Also bear in mind that this is a temporary custody hearing.

I wouldn't assume the judge only looks at certain things. This might be viewed by the court as an extraordinary situation based on the circumstances of the request to remove the child from the area.

-- curiouslyinterested (curiouslyinterested@nowhere.net), December 13, 1999.



Actually, there ARE very clear cut guidelines when determining custody, even temporary. Her making y2k an issue shouldn't be that much of a concern. She "could" make an issue of anything she wants. The Judges are very smart, they've seen it all..believe me, when it boils down to the final judgement,..guidelines and very little else always apply. I don't know why the mother wasn't granted temp custody to start with,..but I'll tell you this..it doesn't happen very often..and whatever the reasons were..they will still apply here.

Still, I feel for the mother, I wouldn't want my child moved a distance away from me for a prolonged period of time, especially a baby. She has valid concerns, from her point of view...I hope everything works out for all parties concerned.

For the record, my husband was offered a position by his company that paid twice as much as he was making. It was several states away from where we live. My daughter's father sees her every weekend, and loves her dearly. When it came down to it, I just couldn't let it happen. I couldn't move her away from her father's love. It almost cost me this marriage, my husband was so frustrated with the situation. In the long run, through prayer, the agreement became mutual, and we stayed. Since then, God has allowed him promotion here in this state, and we were happy for our choice.

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), December 13, 1999.


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