I have never posted a question before. I would like to know what Men think about survival situations with regard to control? With respect, Hatti.

And thank you very much!

-- Hatti (klavine@tco.com), December 09, 1999

Answers

I hope no one's got control over me, I hope I can control me successfully.

-- number six (!@!.com), December 09, 1999.

Hi Hatti, sorry, I don't really follow you. Can you please explain a little more about what you are asking?

-- Servant (public_service@yahoo.com), December 09, 1999.

welcome hatti!!!! i can't believe someone could lurk for six months and never say anything! wow. i can't get past a post without adding some useless dribble? people are different.

anyway since we are talking men -- you must mean control of the remote, right?

-- tt (cuddluppy@nowhere.com), December 09, 1999.

Wow. I remember my first time. No control whatsoever.

-- huh? (your@welcome.iguess), December 09, 1999.

I know only one person can be in charge. My husband is N.G. and may be gone. I am capable of the job.I realize men(WITH strength!) should have the job. Should I allow them to have it or "buck" them because I am smarter??

Zog???

I like to make my men feel good about themselves but I do not want them to die...Or my daughters.....

What do MEN (Not "A") think I Should do???

Before you ansure Paula, Chow,Dog food women. I have thought for myself.

Thank you for your time. Hatti.

-- Hatti (klavine@tco.com), December 09, 1999.

Hatti,

For my wife and I, it's always been a 50/50 thing. I suppose it will be that way to the end. Makes for some pretty interesting debates....

-- R. Wright (blaklodg@hotmail.com), December 09, 1999.

tt Thanks, I have posted a few times. Mostly when the threads are going off on something I know. Kids! I know this and how to deal with them. I have made horrible mistakes and incredible acomplishments! I have learned how to keep my mouth shut! This is a big progress!! I am 38 yrs female and not stupid! Cut my teeth on the womens movement! I have evaluated what MEN think of us(NOT what they think of themselves, I ask all the time?)Just what do they want? I hope they know, but I think they are reactionary??

That is why I ask what should I do, if my husband is gone and I am capable, but female?

Take it on, or turn it over to the next likley "ALPHA" male??

I have a responsibility also. To my husband (What is he fighting for??) To my daughters(What are they respecting in their Men?)To my sons (HOW can they grow up and respect women?) I want my life back!!

-- Hatti (klavine@tco.com), December 09, 1999.

Not all men are sexist. Take charge, Hatti... it's, like, 1999.

-- mil (millenium@yahoo.com), December 09, 1999.

Mrs. Driver and I have come to a fairly comfortable place after 25+- years. On the outside it looks like an even 50 50 split. On the INSIDE it isn't QUITE 50 50. We end up doing what I choose, BUT a fair protion of the time it isn't what I would have chosen without input from her. OFTEN it isn't what I started out to do. It's that Biblical "Submission" thing. "Wives submit to your husbands" etc. Only, submission doesn't mean becoming a door mat, as Mrs. D would tell you. the Biblical thing includes a series of husbandly responsibilities such that end up, in short form, meaning to put the wife's happiness before one's own.

We appear to go our own ways, each doing what he/she has as responsibilities or obligations. We'll go to a party, and split at the door and maybe see each other 2 or 3 times in the evening, but somehow happen to be at the coat room at the same time when it is time to go. I guess you could say we are equally yoked, and we are truly going in the same direction.

In terms of control inside the houdehold, I can truthfully say that I am in charge in the Driver household SOLELY because i have exercised that absolute control only 5 times in 25 years.

In terms of, in your family, when your husband is not there, you ARE the parent. You ARE the remaining LEADER. You ARE the one that your children expect to lead them, care for them, keep them safe and ultimately guide them. NEVER abdicate this should you be the surviving parent. The difference between Parent and Child is the gulf of experience, and the responsibility that brings, along with the charge to train up your children in the way they should grow.

I hope my ramble helps.

chuck,

who is blessed with a STRONG woman who knows how to make a partnership work.

-- Chuck, a night driver (rienzoo@en.com), December 09, 1999.

Welcome kindred spirit lurker. Can't say fellow lurker (male connotation). This is an interesting question. My opinion is that there are not a lot of "Alpha" males out there when it comes to a y2k scenario of anymore than a 3.

I just had this discussion last night with a friend. Got a call yesterday morning from my Mom (unwilling partial GI just to humor me) from my aunt's house in Winnipeg, Manitoba where she is supporting my aunt while my uncle dies. Estimated time of death according to doctors is anywhere from 1 to 3 weeks. Then the funeral and the post- funeral support for her sister and that puts her return well past rollover. My concern for my mom is that every relative I have up there is DGI or DWGI and totally distracted by this impending death.

She was born and raised in Winnipeg and became a US citizen to adopt my sister and I back in the 50's. My contention to her is that Canada has Martial Law Plans and that she may be left wanting as a non-citizen. She no longer has her canadian citizenship--had to give it up to become a US citizen.

As I drove her to the airport 2 weeks ago I begged her to make sure she returned by Jan 1. She said "well--i cant tell him when to die". I am understanding of this.

My dilemma's are

1. getting my mom home before rollover or imposition of martial law either here or in Canada.

2. Whether or not to attend my Uncle's Funeral there. ( He is my favorite uncle) if it is too close to December 28th, the rumored day that restrictions are to start.

I am a GI for 18 months and I still suffer days of DWGI psychosis. I have a wife and two wonderful daughters. My 5 year old daughter is GI!! She asked the other day as she was crawling across the water barrels in our basement--"Dad -Will the sink work with y2k? My answer was Maybe-I dont know. Better to have water in case we need it. She said thanks dad. Broke my heart.

And then as if all this stuff in Canada isnt enough--The doctor found a lump in my wife's breast last week--went yesterday for a mammogram.They told is 2-3 weeks and we would know the results. What was amazing is that yesterday morning we both called the clinic (without knowing the other was doing it) and bitched about the wait time. Seemed a bit ridiculous. Now they say we'll call you in a couple of days--Much better.

Wow--I got really off topic--sorry.

My point is that I wont leave my wife alone to go to the funeral because she has no idea what is coming. She has helped me prep and been fully supportive throughout the last 1.5 years--but she has never had the emotional y2k light bulb go off. I did over a year ago. So--to come full circle on this post--I feel I need to skip my Uncle's Funeral (risking years of wrath from my family)if it falls too close to January 1 because My wife is emotionally and mentally unprepared to deal with anything more that a 2. She is working 12 hour days through December as she does every year--in the food service business--and has time to work and sleep--thats about it.

I think today is gonna be more of a doomer day on the doomer-polly continuum.

Sorry again--This got way too long

-- incredulous (cantbelievit@aol.com), December 09, 1999.

51/49 here, at least when she allows it. LOL

-- John (jh@NotReal.ca), December 09, 1999.

Your responsibility is to your wife and children and yourself. Momma is a big girl and made the choice. There is no way that you can equate the love and responsibility of your family to the death of your uncle. At the same time, while you are frightened re the lump, your fear can not equate to her fear. Hang in there buddy, you are doing the right thing. Taz

-- Taz (Tassi123@aol.com), December 09, 1999.

Control or leadership? A good leader should be able to seek advice from his staff or wife. IMO a controller is a dictator and hard to live with. We always talk things over and make decisions based on our mutual input. Many times a womans point of view is confusing to men and vice versa. Many times I have listened to my wife in spite of what seems logical to me and turns out is right. She knows medicine and other things of which I haven't a clue.

Around here I do many of the chores because we both work and if I get home early I cook and clean, no big deal. I teach her things and she teaches me things.

Before we were married she lived in an apartment which she hated. One day, second week of May, she told me she had packed her bags and was moving back to the place we are now living. I asked her if the place was vacant and she said, "No! But I'm going to talk to Ray." Turns out she was absolutly right. The owner was moving out at the end of May and we could move in. Owner and I were both impressed with her...Faith!

-- Mark Hillyard (foster@inreach.com), December 09, 1999.

Good morning.

Unless there is an agreement regarding who is the big Kahuna, we should be a unit. Each of us needs the other and each of us has skills or interests to contribute. Even if we are reduced to savagery again, women don't have to be subservient to men. Technology ended that and it will never come back again.

My wife and I are two halves of a whole being. Neither loses his/her uniqueness as part of the bargain.

Michael

-- michael frazier (mfrazier@pacific.net), December 09, 1999.

Chuck, Thank you.

I am perfectly strong!

I am also sure from what you have said of your wife that she is a woman of strenghth.

I think my question has to do with bioligy or brute strenghth?

In a survival situation should I let an adept male take charge or do it myself??

Men listen to men.

I only ask this question of men because I may have to make these choices.

I run my home(Husband doesn't know...Yes he does! No he dosen't Ha! Ha!)

I guess I am looking at a point in life where might makes right!

Smarts build bridges later.

And I Don't Want to get cuffed! Yes! I have been there before.

I think I may manage better than endure.

Rape liver! Ha! is that an organ or a condition !

Deepest regards to all who have thought what this means. Or lived it. Thank you , Hatti

-- Hatti (klavine@tco.com), December 09, 1999.

Hatti, I think it could depend a great deal on where you live. So??

-- Brooks (brooksbie@hotmail.com), December 09, 1999.

Hatti, I think I am beginning to understand what you are asking. I have been a single mom forever (seems like it anyway)and yes, men listen to men and women as well listen to men even though it is 1999. I think that is the natural order of things. However, with y2k looming on our next sunrise, I think it is imperative that there be someone in every household who is willing and capable of making the decisions. Lives could very well depend on decisions made in a split second. If your husband is unwilling/not able to assume the role then maybe you should step up to base. I or anyone else can not tell you what to do as we are not in your shoes. It seems like you have given this a lot of thought and maybe deep down you know what to do. Talk to your spouse and decide between you what is necessary. Just try to remember that your family comes first and whatever decisions are made should be with thier good in mind. I wish you the best of luck.

-- Silverdawn (silverdawn37@yahoo.com), December 09, 1999.

Incredulous-

Will keep you and your wife in prayer. Let us know the results.

Blessings....Mary

-- Mary (DivinMercy@aol.com), December 09, 1999.

Hatti, I realize you are interested in the male point of view on your question, but I hope you won't mind if I comment. I'm assuming your question is, in fact, what do you do if you're in a situation where you are alone with your children and are faced with an agressive male. Do you attempt to handle that situation yourself, or do you allow another male to handle it? Is this correct? If so, you would probably assess the situation based on a few things. Are you physically a strong woman? Are you trained in martial arts, as a boxer, a weight lifter? Or are you adept at, and/or trained as a gunwoman? Are you capable of physically defeating a male of your size or larger? I'm not talking about bravado here. I'm talking about raw facts. Think about this carefully. I believe if you were trained in any of those things I mentioned, you wouldn't be asking the question. In that case, it would be wise (Y2K or not) to have the assistance of a male neighbor or close friend on whom you may call. You will not give up any of your power, you will merely ask for help in a specific situation, thank your friend and return the favor in an appropriate manner. IMHO, this is an issue of assessing your capabilities and putting contingencies in place where needed. As far as 'leadership,' and 'control' in intimate relationships are concerned, it seems to me, decisions are best made equally, based on mutual agreement. Having "cut your teeth" on the Woman's Movement, you understand the subjegation of any human being can only backfire. Allowing yourself to hand over your rights to make decisions based on your wisdom and your conscience, is abandoning your responsibilty to your life productively with passion and compassion. Just a thought.

-- Casey DeFranco (caseyd@silcom.com), December 09, 1999.

If it is an 8 or higher you may need a good male. Combat/flight- fight ingrained instincts. OTOH a good male is probably not going to want to be selected and kept for this reason. Hard enough living with a good woman you love when stress levels are high.

A man who cuffs women around will be worse when stress levels are high.

I think you better prepare fast to take care of yourself and your kids (who shouldn't see their mother cuffed around either).

-- ng (cantprovideemail@none.com), December 09, 1999.

Hatti,

Even if your interim alpha male is one of your sons {how old are the oldest?}, you'll probably have some fireworks when hubby gets back home. You need to have, and will have, some adult males around who are aware of your situation and can help out in a pinch. Think 'figurehead', not actual leader of your unit.

Chuck,

My brother was hard wired by his wife long ago to think he's making all the decisions.

incredulous,

You can't make everyone happy all the time {sorry Abe}. Most of us on the board here have wavering days, hang in there. The lump thing is terrifying, but if it looks fiendish the doctors move much faster than they are doing in your wife's case. If things do go above your 3, of course your responsibility is with your young dependents and spouse.

-- flora (***@__._), December 09, 1999.

hatti, i would have to say i thought i was a strong woman before because i have been a single mom for 10 years. yet, i was terrified just thinking about being alone with my two boys for the rollover. terrified. so i got trained in firearms, secured the house physically, did quite a bit to protect myself financially, pulled together food but DAMN I DID NOT KNOW HOW GOOD I WAS UNTIL I BOUGHT A DRILL AND HUNG MY SOLAR LIGHTS ON MY THREE STORY TOWN HOUSE!!!!! i am impressed. i am sure i will be even more impressed when i can light that darn kerosene heater without running away everytime i turn on the switch. :-)

hatti, you don't have to be submissive to anyone outside of your marriage. you are a strong person probably in your marriage and outside of it. just do what you need to do to make yourself feel comfortable with the leadership role in hubby's absence (and you should get to decide what you need in order to feel comfortable becasue your hubby won't be available). i would not defer to another male (unless your brother or dad are offering to help out--that is always great to have family there for you) outside your family nor would i put my son in that role. this is too scary a time to make a child (even at 16) feel like he is in charge.

good luck.

-- tt (cuddluppy@nowhere.com), December 09, 1999.

Thank you all!! You have made me cry!

I am going to look at everyones responses tomarrow and ansure with as much manners as I can muster.

I bothered because I wish my husband was on here a long as I am. It was late and I can't spell. I don't know how to use the spell check. I don't want you people to think I am stupid... I have been tested at 140 I.Q. SO WHAT!! CAN YOU BUY BEANS!! OR Rice. OR BABIES!

Thank you all for caring!

500,000 years of "MAN KIND"

100 years of experimemt!

DON't FORGET THE BABIES!!!

-- Hatti (klavine@tco.com), December 11, 1999.