OT - Humor

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Top 25 Engineer's Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean)

1. A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.)

2. Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.)

3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out of school.)

4. Major technological breakthrough! (It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)

5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured. (We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)

6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

7. Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

9. It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)

10. We will look into it. (Forget it! We have enough problems already.)

11. Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this.)

12. Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)

13. Give us your interpretation. (We can't wait to hear your bull.)

14. See me or let's discuss. (Come to my office, I've screwed up again.)

15. All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)

16. Rugged. (Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)

17. Robust! (Rugged, but more so)

18. Light weight. (Slightly lighter than rugged)

19. Years of development. (One finally worked)

20. Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)

21. No maintenance. (Impossible to fix)

22. Low maintenance. (Nearly impossible to fix)

23. Fax me the data. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)

24. We are following the standard! (That's the way we have always done it!)

25. I didn't get your e-mail. (I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)

-- hiding in plain (sight@edge. of no-where), December 04, 1999


Wouldn't you just love to get the following memo ????

January 1, 2000

Dear Valued Employee: Re: Vacation Pay

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.

Sincerely, Automated Payroll Processing

-- hiding in plain (sight@edge. of no-where), December 04, 1999.

-- hiding in plain (sight@edge. of no-where), December 04, 1999.

Here's a few more humor links. Enjoy.

-- Steve (hartsman@ticon.net), December 04, 1999.

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