Are your dogs and cats a bunch of freaks? Did you make them that way, or did they do it on their own?

Man, I think I need to get this entire household into therapy. Sally thinks she's a dog, Doc thinks he's a cat, Rudy thinks he's God, and Benny is in a passive aggressive snit right this very second.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Answers

Rudy IS a god, of course.

I have a cat who comes running when the ice cubes are dropping into a glass. She wants her own ice cube, and she prefers it in the dog's water dish so she can fish for it. What's a poor kitty to do if you won't buy her a goldfish?

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Like Doc, my dog Murray has learned a lot from his household cat friends, or friend in this case, my cat Tiger. Last night, for example, Murray started chasing his tail. He just kept spinning and spinning until he got dizzy, lost his balance and fell on the living room floor. He's also learned to pounce -- sometimes Murray and Tiger will stare at each other, both in the pounce position, until one of them attacks. It's very funny, considering Murray is a 90-pound beast compared to the maybe 10 pounds Tiger. But even though he's declawed, Tiger somehow thinks he can compete with Murray -- I guess he holds his own pretty well since we haven't had to make any emergency trips to the vet yet.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

My cats are, in fact, insane. Even more so when there's a full moon. We must either be having a full moon right now, or about to, because today's insanity consists of them taking turns licking each other's butts (I need to keep that in mind the next time Mr. Fancypants tries to lick my hand) and then chasing each other from one end of the house to the other, sounding like a bunch of elephants.

http://www.bitchypoo.com/bitchypoo.html http://www.bitchypoo.com/bitchypoo.html

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

My cat was nuts when I got him, although I suspect I haven't helped the situation much.

He doesn't really know what to do with the balls that I give him to play with. If it's bigger than a ping-pong ball, he'll bat it around for a while, and then he sits on it. When I was playing softhall and had one of those around the house all the time, he loved to sit on it. Looked like he was trying to hatch it.

We just moved, so he's a little more freaked out than he usually is, and very busy exploring everything. Last week, he got up on top of the hutch, which was set catty-corner to the wall, and then slid down the back side of it. There was no room between the wall and the edges of the hutch, so he couldn't get out. The hutch is now flush against the wall. He wasn't trapped for long at all. I was there and watched him do it. (More fool me, I suppose, but I didn't think he would go over the back side of it.)

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

I once had a very neurotic beagle as a kid....but it had an excuse. The first night we had it home, we put it in the kitchen, with a clock ticking by it like a mother's heart...it fell asleep...

And the refrigerator exploded. No joke. There was a big hole in the wall, and food was scattered on the floor, glass, and metal. We were so afraid for the puppy...but we found him, shivering, in a huge clump of lettude.

He was okay. But he would nip at the kids, and would act weird from then on.

Al of Nova Notes.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

I dunno if they're nuts, but they've definitely got _personality_ Mephisto thinks he's a dog -- plays catch with himself and a scrunchy. It's very cute. He also lies back with his paws in the air like a dog and begs to have his tummy scratched.

Most of the other cats in the household aren't big into tummy scritches.

On the other hand, Phish is also a big-ass lap cat, so the puppy-cat theory doesn't hold there.

Shara and Tiger hate being picked up. Sasha and Mephisto love it. I don't know why. Shara also gets very testy if you even TOUCH her sides and baps your hand away firmly.

Of course, they calvacade around the house like maniacs between the hours of 6pm and 9pm and 2am and 4am.

What's strangest about all three kittens (Sasha, Mephisto and Tiger) is what they're willing to eat. Since they were born and raised being handled by us, in our back closet, they have no compunctions about joining the humans at dinner. No matter what I've tried -- shaking bottles of change, squirting in the face with water, firmly saying "NO" and hissing at them -- the kittens still seem to think that it's okay to jump up on the table and eat off of our plates.

Meals can often turn into repeated dumpings of Mephisto onto the floor until he finally stays there. However, this also means that these cats like everything from ice cream (understandable) to carrots (huh?) to brussels sprouts (say what?!)

I swear, sometimes I think Sasha is a vegetarian, because she always acts as if she's not getting enough to eat, though there's a full bowl of cat food out at all times.

Of course, they all go crazy when they smell fish though and they just love love love fresh tuna out of the can, which they get as a treat from time to time.

Pearl is the weirdest though -- probably because she was abandoned and has only been with us for a few months.

She doesn't get along with Shara because Shara is the Queen Cat of the household and repeatedly makes sure Pearl knows that.

Hence Pearl gets all growly and hissy at her if she comes too close.

However, Tiger, has never been anything but sweet and submissive towards her, yet Pearl starts the same behavior as soon as she sees him coming. *growl* *hiss* *hiss* *phttt*

He just keeps on trying to be friends but she won't have anything to do with him.

She gets along just fine with Mephish and is okay with Sasha, though Sasha has gotten awfully timid in the last few months so she's very tentative when approaching Pearl.

Pearl is sweet to us though -- she curls up in the crook of my arms when we go to bed at night and comes running to the door to say hello. She loves to cuddle. She's very picky though and will only eat the trashiest, cheapest brands of cat food and eats very little dry food. She won't touch IAMS wet food with a ten foot pole, for example, nor science diet, or the stuff we got at Trader Joe's.

She will condescend to Fancy Feast, but her favorite is the Giant store brand, and only in fish varieties.

Pearl is still a little wild around the edges -- ware any who would disturb her. Once she gets pissy, she stays pissy for a while and lashes out at anything/anyone who approaches.

But we love her anyway and are patiently trying to earn her trust to tame her rough edges.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Howard is an only pet, but you've got me thinking on how he exhibits several cat like behaviors.

He stalks thing. He's actually quite good at it. But you can tell he's not sure whether to pounce or to point.

He throws his toys for himself and then pounces on them with his two front feet.

He makes this mah-rr noise. Kind of like a talky meow. We call it murmphing.

He bats me for attention. (He learned this from his dog-cousin Daisy.) No groin incidents yet, but I watched him do it to a 7 year old friend of ours. Teddy's chest made this awfully loud drum noise. They were both grinning, so I suppose it was okay.

The weirdest thing was that last night, he sat next to me on the couch while I was on the phone. WHen murmphing didn't generate enough attention, he started kneading my belly.

Oh, and that sleep on your head thing? My sister and I have a name for it: hatching. Luckily, Howard only tries to hatch me after I've been out of town.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Roxy (more information about Roxy is available here - http://home.midsouth.rr.com/wonderland2/roxy.htm) was about eight weeks old when we got her at the West Memphis Animal Shelter. Ever since then - and that was some five years ago - she has stalked things. Usually toys, but sometimes Sonya and I. Being a rather delicate fifteen pound dog, though, she stalks quite well. She's perfectly silent and her paws move carefully, her eyes never leaving the target and her tail straight out behind her. Finally, she'll get a three-step rush and pounce on her victim.

She did that this morning, in fact, during her walk. She caught sight of five pigeons on the ground nearby, took a few cautious, deadly steps and then pounced, surely to rend their ratbird flesh.

She was wearing a leash, though, so she did a lovely flip in the air and landed ungracefully. The pigeons all got away and Roxy looked at me as if to say, "see what trouble this string around my neck causes me, motherfucker?"

She also likes to walk along the back of the couch and perch comfortably on the couch arm. Very catlike. I guess in her first few weeks of puppyhood cats were around.

The rat terrier in her comes through clearly, too. She'll point birds and chase squirrels until she's dizzy, and a mouse in the house makes her insane.

Roxy is very close to her primative ancestors.

Harold wonderland 2 http://home.midsouth.rr.com/wonderland2/

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Your entry made me think of that wonderful book, The Ugly Dachshund, the one where the Great Dane is raised with dachsunds and thinks he's one of them.

Our cats aren't any more insane than the rest of their tribe. You know, the usual staring at spots on the wall; suddenly rushing around the house, then settling down peacefully for a nap; going insane over the laser pointer. I mean, we keep them around partly because they're so entertaining.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Well, Cinsand seems to think he's a dog- he tries to go on their walks with them, eats their food, and he and the dogs all gather around for treats together. Criffin knows he is a cat, will not touch food that has been touched by dog lips, but is completely nuts. (I don't think the belly-rub thing is a dog trait... Almost every cat I've known for the past 5 years has liked it)

This morning, I guess my father heard a thunk in their bedroom, looked over, and saw Criffin stuck to the windowscreen. On the outside. On the second floor. So yes, I would say he is a freak. (and the dogs go without saying)

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

I swear, Beth, Bailey and Doc must be long lost cousin/brothers...

Bailey pounces on Scooter (poorly, I might add) ALL THE TIME...

And whenever there is a mouse in the house (This is downtown, folks, mice are delightfully common) Bailey tries just as hard as Scooter does to trap it. Scooter gets annoyed that Bailey is letting his dinner get away.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Doc has never seen a mouse, because the cats know that if I ever see a mouse, their little butts are going to the pound. We have a contract.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

I had an extremely silly white dog, who was the son of our red dog. The white dog, having lived with his very assertive mother all his life, was the biggest mummy's boy you had ever seen. He was bull terrier/Australian cattle dog/mastiff cross, and looked like a Scare- o-pup, but he would HOWL if his mother (who was smarter all round) got into the house through an open window and slept on the bed all day, as she did on a regular basis. We would come home and neighbours would glare at us as the plaintive howl rose above the sounds of the evening. There was no reason, except being as dumb as a post, that he couldn't go through the open window and sleep on the bed all day too. Oh, and he was scared of tiny dogs. Terrified.

anna

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

We have cats who think they're dogs. They both roll over expectantly for belly rubs and loll half asleep in ecstasy while you rub their bellies for them. They run up and greet us when we drive up and if they could bark, they would. They both wait at the door expectantly to be let into the house, pawing at the door. They would rather chew off their paws than give up affection, unlike cats who would rather maintain their dignity than be seen enjoying human touch -- at least very much. They both have done very undignified things in order to get pet...she once fell off the back of the couch three times falling all over herself to get pet and frequently, he does the same, until we take mercy on these poor confused creatures and hold them on our laps.

This is the most canine thing of all: Mike swears that Cowboy gave him sad puppy dog eyes this morning when he put him back out in the cold.

We've loved these poor sad confused kitties into dogs.

-- Anonymous, November 24, 1999

Hey, Beth -- my 90-pound boxer stalked, too, and we had no cats. We used to go into our backyard, as far as we could go, and hold up his soccer ball. He'd crouch low, practically crawling on his stomach (we called this his "jungle move") and move intently through the grass, until he got a few feet away -- then he *pounced!*

He used to bat things, too -- pretty ouch-worthy, since he was a *very* strong dog. He'd jump almost as high as my head, and run around like a loony...

OK, I'm shutting up, now, I'm getting depressed... :<

-- Anonymous, November 25, 1999

Keebler, our big cat (18 lbs.) must have been raised with dogs at one point in his life -- I got him when he was a street tom, and "re-programmed" him back to house cat life. He growls at intruders, and rolls on his back for attention. He chases his tail like a dog -- manically.

Nato, our little cat (8 lbs.) is a jumpy neurotic. Desmond Morris pointed out that cats don't meow in the wild, or alone with each other, but have adopted the vocal mannerism to communicate with us, since we meow all the time. Nato has learned to pitch her meowing to specific vocal timbres -- crabby, pleading, pissy, demanding, bitchy and scolding, mostly. Once, when I came back from a nearly three-week trip, she followed me around the house for a day, yelping out these short, insistent, angry meows. Keeping eye contact the whole time. Scary.

-- Anonymous, November 25, 1999

I'm pretty sure the tummyscratch thing just depends on the cat and how secure it feels in its environment. Thing One does that all the time, and since I've owned her since she was six weeks old, I can say with some assurance that she hasn't seen a dog in at least twelve years, if ever.

On the other hand, she does have some problem with this whole "bathe yourself with your tongue" concept. Not that she doesn't do it, but she never gets more than halfway through before she gets bored with the whole concept and finds something else to do. Whenever she gets back to it, she actually does start with the half she didn't do before, though. It's very odd.

-- Anonymous, November 26, 1999

if it makes you feel any better, beth, i've spent thanksgiving at my boyfriend's family's house, and their kitten thinks he's a dog.

Apparently, they got this cute li'l siamese kitty, and he promptly fell in love with their 9-year-old poodle. Now Ollie (the cat) seems to think he's a poodle, too. He follows the dog everywhere. He sleeps with the dog. He eats the dog's food. He doesn't really stalk. Or play with string. Or any other kitten-like thing. He just sleeps with the dog all day and eats her food.

Weirdos. :)

-- Anonymous, November 27, 1999