I ran into a liberal today. He said all guns should be banned. I responded that every mans penis should be cut off starting with his. "What!" he said. I said "That's right, just think of all the rapes and child molestation that could be prevented. Civilians should not be allowed to have a penis, only the police and the military. Besides, where in the Constitution does it specifically say you have a right to a penis? Even you admit that the 2nd ammendment applies only to the state and not individuals. "But I would never rape anyone!" he pleaded. To which I responded "I would never shoot anyone, but that's irrelevant. The penis must be banned. It's for the children. Surely you understand. Worried, he said "If the penis is outlawed then only outlaws will have a penis!" I told him he sounded like a gun nut and I took out my pocket knife. He screamed and in a flash, he was gone. Works every time.

-- Ed (ed@lizzardranch.com), November 19, 1999

Answers

This is hilarious! Absolutely on target. Thanks!

-- Irving (irvingf@myremarq.com), November 19, 1999.

And we should outlaw video cameras in order to eliminate pornography, as well...

-- Mad Monk (madmonk@hawaiian.net), November 19, 1999.

Cars too. Cars kill people. But, please, don't take my penis...

-- Uncle Bob (UNCLB0B@Tminus42&counting.down), November 19, 1999.

ROTFLMAO!

-- Sharon (Sking@drought-ridden.com), November 19, 1999.

Ted Kennedy's penis has killed more people than my gun.

-- Patrick (pmchenry@gradall.com), November 19, 1999.

If we don't have penises, then we don't need guns. Just an observation.

-- Lurker (Lurking@lurking.now), November 19, 1999.

I meant his car!

-- Patrick (pmchenry@gradall.com), November 19, 1999.

LOL, man you knocked that one out of the park Ed.

-- Nikoli Krushev (doomsday@y2000.com), November 19, 1999.

And outlaw bonfires (11 killed in Texas), and outlaw airliners lest the pilot goes suicidal, and parachute jumpers, air ballonists, oh the list can go on and on forever.

-- fraidie cat (fraidiecat@fraidiecatt.xcom), November 19, 1999.

When penises are outlawed, only outlaws... Nah, never mind. This has probably been carried as far as we dare.

-- I'm Here, I'm There (I'm Everywhere@so.beware), November 19, 1999.

Patrick,

Car, penis...they have the same meaning to men, tied together in their minds somehow.....

-- Cherri (sams@brigadoon.com), November 20, 1999.

I own guns to protect my penis,among other things.

-- zoobie (zoobiezoob@yahoo.com), November 20, 1999.

Excellent. Sick, but excellent.

There's another argument I particularly like, not original, but it goes like this:

Would you (Mr. Gun-control proponent) post a sign on your front door that said "There are no firearms in this building"? Of course not. You'd be asking to be robbed. But that's exactly what gun control IS. It's telling burglars that every single house in your neighborhood is unprotected.

Right now, a burglar in the U.S. thinks twice about breaking into your house & mine, because he knows that the odds are about 1 in 3 (much higher in Texas, I'd guess) that there's at least one firearm inside.

Suppose he knew for a fact that the odds were 1 in 20, or 1 in 100?

Same is true of conceal-carry laws. When a mugger/rapist knows that any woman MIGHT be packing, ALL women become safer, & less likely targets -- even the big cowards like me who are afraid of blowing our toes off.

-- just (passing@it.along), November 20, 1999.