My actual Thanksgiving invitation this year, shared for laughs. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

***

Trish,

We would love to have you both, and are excited to meet John. Call us and we will give you directions in person, because they are rather complex. We're thrilled you can come. As far as what to bring -- how about a vegetable, and beer or wine, whatever your pleasure is. Or if there is a dish you especially like to prepare.

It will be an eclectic crowd. You may want to forewarn John that I'm liable to be blotto by noon. As far as time, as early as you like -- we'll probably eat in the neighborhood of 3 or 4 p.m. Also, bring something warm to wear, we usually have a campfire late in the evening, down by the water.

Here is a little blurb on those who will be attending. There are also 3 or 4 maybes.

DAVID: I think you've met him some time in the past. 35 year old, ex-punk rock icon, currently working in the telecommunications industry. He's funny, engaging, and likes to use the word dynamic.

MAGGIE: David's new girlfriend who has had a pretty amazing life -- was one of the first women in the country to play high school football with men.

GEORGE: Think you've met him.

THERESA: George's girlfriend. She has a birthmark.

GEORGE'S MOM: Very progressive 67. Smokes like a forest fire. Speaks frankly and often.

STU: Sweet, quiet, possibly brain damaged from excessive dope smoking.

RON: Enigmatic. Part junkie, part Mormon.

LISA: My lovely and highly literate better half. Thinks she looks like Orel Hershiser. Doesn't.

ME: A real piece of work.

-- Trish (friendsare@family.com), November 18, 1999

Answers

Now try not to spit out laughing when you met each one! (And for the paranoid, wonder how they described you to them?)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), November 18, 1999.