A woman looking back

greenspun.com : LUSENET : Domestic Violence Accounts : One Thread

It's nice to see a cite where we as women can voice or opinoin or share an experience. I am a young lady and I got married at age 21. I am now divorce at age 25. This was an experience that will always be in my memeory. Even though it was not a pleasant experience, I am glad for the experience. Not only am I able to sympathize with others in similiar situation, but I am able to encourage others from recognizing an abusive symtoms before it happens. My ex-husband was very abusive to me, both verbal and physical. I did not tell anyone because I was not only scared but very ashame. I thought no one would believe me. He was a very good charmer when we were in public but behing close door he was very cruel in his speech and in his behaviour. He was also a christian and trust me, people would not believe me if I told them.He was loved by everyone in the community and in the country. He was a very well known person, he was a household name. I would try to be alone many times just to get away from his abuse for a little while.When I return home he would say or do something and then the abuse would start again. Sometimes because I was so scared I didn't say anything, but I would still be kicked or slapped.I would stay inside most times because I didn't want anyone to see my scars and ask me question which would be very embarasing to answer. I thank God for my friends and family that have supported me through this ordeal.It was not easy going through the divorce but I have dealt with it. That's why I am able to share this with you as the reader.It's important not to forget the past, but instead deal with it. If you forget your past it will 'pop up' when you least expect it. I Had to learn to love myself and realize and understand that respect is another word for love. So if someone loves you they should respect you.Also I will not settle for nothing less than the best. I am now in college persuing my degree. It's hasn't been easy with my studies, but this is what I want so I have to keep focus.Ending that marriage was the best thing that ever happen to me.I am not only happy physically but emotionally I am happy mentally. My mind is so relax and there is a peace that is hard to explain.

--- Later she wrote:

I have sent you a personal experince for your readers to view. It is a memory of past experice in an abusive reltionship. I am a college student. My name is Nadine Wright and I would like you to attach my name t the article I wrote. I am really impress with this site and hope you find my article intersting. Thanking you in advance Your truly Nadne Wright

-- Anonymous, November 17, 1999


This is a space for everyone to talk about abuse, men and women. Many men are abused in their marriages, and I set this spot up especially for them, but women can post their stories as well.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 1999

Nadne Wright, I saw your story, You told a good one.. Hope you are going on with your life & find a good mate. I know there are men who treat women good as I found one.. I was divorced in 1966 & I been marryed again for 25 yrs. Its been HEAVEN where my last husbans was a HILTER. See my story at this same site.. its Womans abuse story above yours. My em is coolrb40@yahoo.com if u wish talk.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 1999

Nadne, I read your story and I can't express how much it touched me. I too, was married at the age of 21 and am now 25. I just recently left my abusive husband and my entire family hate me. Fortunaetly, there are no children to be involved. He too, was charming, everyone loved him...but behind closed doors it was hell. I escaped death twice...I found myself begging for life when a gun was placed between my eyes..and yet I stayed and it happend again..I just thank God that he let me live. I am struggling with what everyone else thinks about me...I am terrified and just a couple of friends know my whereabouts. I begin to tell myself that it wasn't that bad, maybe I should go back....when I contacted my family, all they could tell me was how hard he is crying and that he needs me. Now, I know if I go back, it will all eventually start over. I went to a friend who has been there for me through all of this...a friend of the opposite sex....and everyone at home thinks that I left my husband for another man...this is not how it is at all. You are very fortunate to have had your family to support you. Any advice you have at all will be greatly appreciated.

-- Anonymous, February 22, 2000

I was in an abusive relationship and i was so afraid to say something but reading what you wrote make me start talking to people about what was happening and it feels so much better! I got on with my life, i have a husband who loves me, but thinking of what my ex-boyfriend used to do makes me wonder why i was so stupid and didn't leave him.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

I am reading everyone's contribution to the subject of domestic violence. I will try to be brief, but I need to know others opinion.

I was married at age 22. I left home to move with my boyfriend in his hometown. He took me to a beach resort. He took my car and money and left me in the hotel until I said yes to marry him. I know I should have called my family, but I was scared of what they may think. They were not happy I passed on a scholarship to go with him. He made me feel so special in the beginning. When we got to his home town, he changed for the worse. I couldn't go to school or anywhere without him tagging along. I couldn't go to the bathroom alone, because their was a window in the bathroom. He started smacking, kicking, punching, and choking me. I left him and came back because he cried and told me he would kill himself. He would go through my personal possessions, make all the decision for me, and destroy my my property I earned. He has taken me to other cities and left me on the side of the road. He would never work. He would send me to work and then spend all the money on a demo tape. He wanted to be the next Marvin Gaye. The last night I stayed in that apt, he tied me up and made me watch him and a stranger get it on. Then, he sexually forced himself on me once she left. I sneaked out and ran to the nearest shelter. He was picked up and jailed. But, only got 1 yr. probation. He has sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally abused me. I managed to survive that ordeal. I left the city.

A year later, I met someone else. I didn't have a clue that I would fall in love again. I explained my past to him first thing. He didn't believe me, just like everyone else until one night. My ex-husband found me and broke all the windows in my home. My new love started to believe me. I moved to his home. One year later, we are engaged to be married. I am starting to show certain behavioral problems like throwing tantrums that I never did before. I don't talk to others and I keep everything bottled inside. I think my new love is him when we argue. I feel like my ex-husband is haunting me. My past follows me everywhere I go. What can I do to reconcile the problem of my past, present, and future.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2000

This letter is to Michelle and all other women who are or have been in abusive relationships. What we go through (with the violence and fear) hurts us psychologically for a long time. We suffer what victims of war suffer called PTSD or Post-traumatic stress disorder. This can be caused by anything that causes us to fear for our lives or some tragedy that we may have witnessed. The symptoms are anxiety, depression, flashbacks, constant aches and pains, headaches, etc.. The best thing to do is to see a social worker, psychologist, pastor , or anyone you feel comfortable with (who is trained in this) and talk. Talk about your fears, and nightmares and in time, things will get better. You can't do this on your own. I have learned. I see a therapist once a week and she even gave me her beeper number (to be available to me 24-hours a day) in case I have a bad day. I feel 50% better. I still have a long way to go, but at least I can eat again and fall asleep at a fairly decent hour. Lots of luck to you all. With prayer, support and guidance from those who care about us, we will make it through and be happy again.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

Please don't forget men are abused as well, Doris. This is not a gender war -- it is a situation faced by anyone, male or female.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

I come from a home where my dad beat my mom for 10 years and I was always the one in the middle....I had to take up for my mom or he would of killed her....I was hit, threatened aand hurt emotionally....I am here if anyone needs to talk....HOw are you doing NOw??

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2000

I am 25 years old and I have a 10 month old son, I was abused all my life my dad beat us and my mom and they only recently seperated. I got involved with an abusive guy four years ago. I left him but was always encouraged to return by my family. I knew I shouldnt but I had no where to go and I just stayed. I had a baby with him and it just got worse. I left and put him in jail for eight months. He was supposed to get two years but TEXAS justice sucks so they let him out.I got a protective order but the cops act like its a joke. I was staying with my sister, and she kicked me and my son out on the street because she was afraid of him hurting her,I could not get a job because I have had so many health problems,so here I am I am still with the jerk. He has not hit me in ten months, but he always acts like he is my owner he yells and screams at me while my son is asleep and I hate it but I have no money to leave. I have been planning to leave for months.I wantto leave before my son learns to talk and understands how bad this kind of life is. My abuser curses constantly and is so negative that he is justsucking the life out of me. My family doesnt help they just try to make things worse for me, so they do not even know where I live. When he would bruise me all over my body and push me right in front of my family they did nothing.

I feel like such a cowardfor letting him TREAT ME THIS WAY.

IfI had money I would just walk away should I leave all our possesions behind? I wish they had a free movibg service for women in this situation.

Gotta go-

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2001

Missing you!

I am Looking for you...

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2001

Re: Missing you!

Leave her alone. If you were her former abuser, just go off and stop tormenting her.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 2001


Oh my goodness, thank you. My husband is a christian also, If only churches would speak more on dv, and the effects it has on families. I too was ashamed and still am concerning this nightmare. I'm 46 years old and I believe that God wants this secret out of the closet.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2001

I am a 52 year old woman who has been married to a man for 9 years. The first year was great and then he started drinking and has had a drinking problem since he was 14. No one tells you these things. Years later I found papers he had hid that he raped his 3 stepdaughters from another marriage. He is a very miserable man and says vulgar things every day. He accuses me of running around, lying, and hiding money. He says these things because it is what he is doing. My self esteem is at the lowest it has ever been. He hates woman. I have a hard time working because I am degraded every day and when I start to get ahead he will do something to sabatoge it. This should be a criminal crime!

-- Anonymous, October 26, 2001

i too was in a abusive relationship, for 10 years and finally got a divorce. i was divorced in september 7 months later. im still being tormited by him he uses the kids to telll me things he callls and threatens me everyday. i recently put a protection order out on him but he spits on my car and callls every day when we were married he kkicke me knocked out teeth and left me feeling like a piece of dirt. i lost all my confiedence in myself. nad i still remember going to bed everynight crying. i finally got oout and all the abuse. i was forced to have sex and if i didnt i would get hurt. i felt ashamed of all of this and i hope some day i can forgive him but what he has done to me is the worst i can imagine. i was pushed down steps and hit in the face i had black eyes you name it i was afraid i was going to die. how long does this last?? its still haunting me. i still trow tantrums and my new friend has seen it all i m reliving it aLL Again. i cant even let him know i have i new friend because im afraid of what will happen any one ou5t there have any suggestions??

-- Anonymous, March 30, 2002

Hello all i guess my story can somewhat fit in here. I am 17 years old and about 2 weeks ago i was beaten, stabbed , and choked by who I thought was the most important man in my life. I think I may have this Post Tramatic Syndrome (Can't spell) :) Does anyone have some good books they have read or some personal experience on how to handle this. I really feel like this is the worst pain i have ever had. I really trusted him. I remember putting my head in his lap and then him stangling me. Thats how quickly it happened. I really do not want to ever me in a abusive relationship again. Is there any advice on how to stop being a victim? I know God has my back but it's just so ahrd to think thateverything had to be some what of a lie since he could hurt me so bad. I'm starting to get paranoid about men in general and I really don't trust people.(just look at my name) I guess it's ok to be a little paranoid though since they let him out and i really don't think that the legal system is going to do much. even though it's my life he tried to destroy. Hopefully someone will have some advice, even guys :)

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

this is for april ....i can feel your pain and fusteration .please dont give up. please seek help..a womens shelter is a great place to go they have support groups that will do you good to see other people in your situation. i have been there and they have really helped me deal with a lot of issues.. i know what your going through and it scares me to see you in such pain. dont give up!! thre is a llight at the end of the tunnel. good luck to you!!

-- Anonymous, April 07, 2002

I know how you all feel. I to had problems with my stepdad abusing my mom. He was mostly verbal, but sometimes when he got very angry, he would physically abuse her. Everytime he was ready to hit her, I got in the middle before he could. He ended up giving it to me instead. He did this to my mom for 13 years.

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2002

the most important thing is that you are alive and happier than you were with your abuser.I left my abusive husband and am trying to get divorced while he has accused me of being unfaithful, thief ,etc.As he told me that if i ever leave he will make sure i get ruined and that if he cant have me no one else will.

-- Anonymous, August 29, 2002

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