What ARE these people thinking?greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread
Ok folks, a little levity to brighten an otherwise stupid article from the media. All comments in caps are made by yours truly. No violence is actually intended - just blowing off a little steam. I hope you enjoy. :-)
"Create some fun for those on Y2K-eve duty"
Ruth Yetto Contributor
"What's that gorilla doing in here? Even for a casual Friday, this seems a little much. It's not just that he isn't wearing a necktie. He, or she, also has no shirt, no shoes and no pants, either--and you could hide a six-pack of cell phones or Palm Pilots in all that fur."
"Of all nights of the year, on Y2K eve--otherwise known as New Year's Eve 1999--this might be perfectly appropriate. It's certainly a perfect night for good surprises." YEP, A WHOLE LOTTA SURPRISES. "GEE, GEORGE, LOOKIE THAT BIG BONFIRE THEY GOT OVER AT THE BANK..."
"Most technology-dependent businesses have long been Year 2000-compliant as a matter of policy and preparation, after extensive software and hardware retrofitting and careful testing. But just in case there's a need to respond to unexpected problems, many also have complete contingency plans. And those plans often depend on having extra workers in place." YEP, OF THOSE WHO HAVEN'T LEFT TOWN ALREADY.
"Taking care of customers must come first through maintaining the systems developed to meet their needs. However, human resources professionals also recognize the sacrifice this special effort will require on Y2K eve and can provide special compensation and incentives to reward them." 'OF COURSE GEORGE, YOU'LL GET YOUR $12,000 BONUS CHECK! BY THE WAY, WHO'S YOUR NEXT-OF-KIN?'
"From the human resources point of view, Y2K eve may be an epochal evening in the annals of U.S. corporate culture. Many more people than usual will be working, and not just computer technicians standing by, sleeves rolled up, ready to wrestle with come-what-may. Other departments also are likely to have contingency crews either on the job or on call." MORE LIKE "...READY TO WRESTLE WITH WHOMEVER-WILL-BREAK-DOWN-THE-DOORS"-WHAT-MAY...
"In this unusual circumstance, human resources specialists can make special, creative plans to reward and entertain those extra workers, overtime staff who'll be watching computer screens rather than lifting a glass to celebrate the famed descending ball in Times Square." SURE, LIKE "NO, NO GEORGE! PUT THE COUCH IN FRONT OF THIS ENTRANCE! WE'LL PUT THE FILING CABINETS IN FRONT OF THE WINDOWS."
"For individuals accustomed to working second and third shifts, Y2K eve likely will feel like any other overnight work-shift, but one with significant holiday overtones, expressed in special decorations, T-shirts and foods." PERSONALLY, I THINK THE DRAPED CAMO ADDS A NICE TOUCH - A LITTLE OUT OF PLACE IN THE CORPORATE WORLD, BUT HECK, AT LEAST THEY TRIED. I'M SURE THE JERKY STICKS AND GATORAIDE WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED BY THE STAFF THOUGH.
"Thousands of other area workers will experience a very unusual time-shift, joining extra crews added to the regular staff. For these workers, special Y2K events may include more than just pizza and "Y2K Survivor" T-shirts. Given the constraints of your facility and work environment, it's a time when imagination and creativity can pay big dividends in morale and spirit." I'D HAND OUT THE T-SHIRTS AFTER THE STAFF MAKES IT HOME... IT'S HARD TO KEEP MORALE UP WHEN YOU'RE BEING SPATTERED WITH AK-47 GUNFIRE.
"For example, one local company, which naturally chooses not to be named, will send gorilla-suited benefactors into work spaces, distributing bonus checks. At other firms, senior executives--probably without gorilla suits--will be handling this distribution, to provide direct personal recognition." RUNNING FROM LOOTERS IN THAT MONKEY SUIT WILL MAKE MARINE BOOT CAMP LOOK LIKE A DAY IN KINDERGARTEN!
"Because Y2K eve is also New Year's Eve, when everyone wants to celebrate with their friends and loved ones, companies with certain kinds of work environments can devise creative ways to include spouses or significant others in special on-site celebrations, to minimize the separation." YEP, LETS BRING THE KIDDIES IN ON THE ACTION - NOTHING LIKE FAMILY TOGETHERNESS!
"For some organizations, it might be appropriate to invite the partners of those working overnight to special early-evening buffets, for example, even arranging taxicabs or limousines to pick up specially invited partyers and bring them to work spaces to celebrate. As a further gesture of appreciation, you might provide these special guests with gifts--flowers, golf balls, compact disks--as they join their work-bound partners for a few hours, well before midnight." YEP, I'M SURE THAT THROWING GOLF BALLS AND COMPACT DISKS AT THE LOOTERS WILL REALLY, REALLY INTIMIDATE THEM. HOW ABOUT A MOSSBERG 12-GAUGE PUMP AND SOME DOUBLE-AUGHT (HOW APPROPRIATE) BUCKSHOT INSTEAD?
"In any event, consider tailoring rewards to workers' tastes and interests. For young, technically trained computer experts, you wouldn't bring in a classical string quartet, for example. But if appropriate at your workplace, you might want to consider programming some extra-energetic music, alternative rock or hip-hop into your sound system, or even bring in special equipment." SUCH AS FLAK JACKETS, FOAM PEPPER SPRAY, STERNO AND SIX-PACKS OF DINTYMOR STEW?
"Music can offer a bit of atmosphere and diversion any time during Y2K eve, but other entertainment options should be limited to "downtime"--after the computers don't crash, and all the gorillas have gone home." PLEASE SEE PREVIOUS COMMENTS...
"At some work sites, specially added Y2K crews might be entertained with movies on video, via big-screen television systems brought in for the occasion." GET A REALLY GOOD LOOK AT THE LOOTERS RIGHT BEFORE THEY COME TO YOUR BUILDING, HUH?
"Because many computer engineers and programmers love computer games, it might work for some managers to enrich their work spaces with the newest and hottest self-contained game setups. If you choose to do this, however, you'll want to make sure that added game systems are not connected to work-dedicated computer systems. After all, there's no reason to jinx your well-running systems." NOTHING LIKE A GOOD GAME OF "WHAT'S THAT VIRUS?", HUH?
"Whatever you decide to do on this night, the work must come first, of course. However, human resources professionals can make this unforgettable night of Y2K an experience that their special contingency staffs will remember with a smile." YEAH, RIGHT!
"Yetto is vice president for KeyBank's human resources department and manages the human resources function for the bank's eight districts in the East Region." HMMM, BETCHA HE'S NOT GONNA BE WITH HIS STAFF ON NEW YEARS EVE!
-- Deb M. (email@example.com), November 15, 1999
Deb, that is one of the most HYSTERICAL bits I've ever read!!!! And your comments MADE the bit!!!
I am ABSOLUTELY ROTFLMAO!!!! I will email this page to friends...
-- Dennis (firstname.lastname@example.org), November 15, 1999.
Deb M. --
ROFLMAO! Although I am one of those 'special support staff who will be working through the night to bring joy and laughter to the huddled masses' (he he), I still thought this was hilarious.
I'll have to admit that my planning for the evening of the 'event' is a *little bit* different. For example, I believe that 'tasteful attire' for the evening includes insulated boots and socks, heavy denim, sweater, leather jacket (with a white camo poncho in case of snow), along with the perfect accessories for that 3 day walk home, survival knife w/built-in compass, first aid kit, fishing line, 38 Special, w/shoulder rig and spare ammo, MRE's 'meals rejected by (starving) Ethiopians, and Water-SaFe water bottle, sleeping bag... Well, I'm sure you get the picture.
On the other hand, if this is merely the proverbial 'bump in the road' think of how popular I'll be with my boss. (And the months pay after taxes, the extra 2 weeks of paid time off, and the extra holiday pay won't hurt either ;-))
-- just another (email@example.com), November 15, 1999.
Haven't laughed that hard since the flatulence thread with ol' Greybear!
Definitely one for the archives!
-- INVAR (firstname.lastname@example.org), November 15, 1999.
Top the top. Worth another read....
choke, ack, gag, cough, chortle, hiccup....
-- Dennis (email@example.com), November 17, 1999.