Hi.

For newbies visiting this forum, I sense the need to introduce myself.

I'm Marianne Michaels, an author of a very different "Y2k" book, (The Toilet Paper Chronicles: Gallows Humor from the Y2k Underground) who has been labeled a complete

a) Idiot

b) Shill

c) Cyber-slumming author

d) All of the above and more

By some on this forum, and also by some at the Y2k "Debunking" forums. All who have assigned that label may be correct. Who knows? Kind of like Y2k.

At any rate, I received a rare email tonight that I felt compelled to share with those who have followed this forum regularly, at least since the fall of 1998.

What was it?

An email from "dIETER!!!" (At least I think it was from him/her/it, although, I cannot be completely certain.) Regardless, it was good enough to share. Thus, I am so doing.

I can only assume he read an excerpt from Chapter Two of the book, in which he was introduced.

(Excerpt)

"Since Y2k debates were becoming ever more a bloodsport as 1999 progressed, more than one newbie searching for information was mistaken as a troll and incinerated.

"A Troll was a name assigned to posters whose purpose was not to discuss issues, but to disrupt a discussion by posting irrelevancies and personal attacks.

"While most were unwelcome participants in serious Y2k debates, there was one troll in particular who was embraced whenever he appeared. In fact, when he did not appear for several days or weeks at a time, forum regulars would initiate discussion threads, i.e., topics, for the sole purpose of asking him to come out and play.

"He was so brilliantly goofy, his handle may be forever remembered by all who read his posts. It wasnt just what he wrote, but how he wrote it.

"His name was Dieter. Depending on the day, his name appeared as dIETeR, or dIEteR, or DIeTeR, etc.

"Although he was anonymous, most people assumed that Dieter was--in real life--(assuming he had one) a he. That may have had something to do with the amount of testosterone in his writing. Regardless, he was the embodiment of Gallows Humor.

AND NOW: MY EMAIL ALLEGEDLY FROM MY VERY MOST FAVORITE TROLL WHO, FOR THE RECORD, INSPIRED THIS BOOK BUT WILL NOT COLLECT A PENNY UNLESS I BECOME AN INTERNATIONAL BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND I FINALLY FIND OUT WHO HE IS, SO I CAN MAIL THE CHECK IN PENNIES!

____________________________________________

foOLIsh onE!!!!!

yOU CAnnOT sURELy bE SO duLL As nOT tO REALizE tHAt tHE VERy uTTerANcE Of His NAme awAKENs dIETer FRom His SLumBERs????? wELL???? SPeAK uP!!!!! HuH???? HYenA!!!!!!

dIETeR HaS FOuND YoUR LiFE's maSTERwoRK, HAs he NoT???? oF COuRsE He hAS!!!! hOW COuLD IT NoT bE THus?????

fAR ANd wIDE REacH THe INsidiOUs TENtAcLES Of diETer, iNTO tHE VERy boWELs oF HUmaNITY ItseLf!!!!!! YOu caNNoT EscAPe hIS NOtiCE!!!!! inFIdeL!!!!

dIEteR Has PERUseD THis FOoLisH COmpOSItIOn, ANd hAS FOuND IT Not WIthOUt WOrTH, CaN YoU nOt See THaT????? bUT!!!! WHiLe dIEtER IS nOT UnAPpRECreatIve of hAVing His eGo strOKEd, A prICE MusT BE EXacTED, MusT IT NoT????? yES??? nO???? YEs!!!!!! oF COurSE It mUST!!!!

eXPECt tO RECeivE A biLL For oNE SInguLAr PAiR Of rAY-BaN "WAyfAREr" SuNgLAsses!!!!! thANkS TO yoUR INclUSIOn oF DIetER, hIS LovELY COunteNaNcE MuST NoW VENtuRE OuT IntO PublIC INcogNiTO!!!!! jACkAl!!!!!

One mORe thIng!!!!!

I do NOt haTE yOU!!!!!! BEgonE!!!!

haLT!!!!

bE STiLL For tHE NonCE!!!!! dIETeR Has BuT OnE fiNAL QUerY foR yOU!!!! cAN It bE PossIBLe ThaT HUmaNKiND Has EVOlvED To tHE PoiNT WHerE DIetEr'S wISDoM CaN Be SEeN In aLL Of iT's gLorY sO SOon AS iN CHAPteR TWo?????? wILL NoT mINDS exPLodE If nOT PrePAREd cAREfuLLy For hIS LAzER inSIGhts?????

nOW, oFF WItH YoU chILd!!!!! oF THe moMENt ImmeDIATE!!!!

_____________

dIETer or not? I don't know for certain, but he did a heck of an imitation if he wasn't the real thing.

Most important: He/she/it made me laugh today.

I really needed that. If this made you laugh, maybe you needed it too.

:)

-- Marianne Michaels (scipublic@aol.com), November 04, 1999

Answers

P.S. For those who have not followed my previous incinerations as an author on this and other forums, the ISBN number for my book is 0-967-49271-8.

Why am I telling you this? If I do not survive the publication of this book, [grin] at least you'll know it was real. Ask your local bookseller.

:)

-- Marianne Michaels (scipublic@aol.com), November 04, 1999.

Any kid with half a brain can download a simple prog to duplicate that SOrT Of WRitInG. AlL IT taKEs iS To CLicK on THe IcON ANd It DoES ThE REst. THrOw a FeW ???'s aND !!! AnD BiNGo, I aM DiEtER...HYenAS!!!

-- FaTEx 4.0 (just@kid.with a prog), November 04, 1999.

There have been Dieter replicants here...we have dealt with them..and know when one comes aboard...don't ask me how, but we know...I think it is a familiarity thing....the typing is formulaic...big deal. Dieter is Dieter...we spotted a fraud on the chat forum this afternoon....(about 4 of us)....

The weight of empire, eh Dieter?

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), November 04, 1999.

uNFasSbAR!!!!! UnBEgREifLIcH!!!!! FliEGe!!!!!!!

-- Randolph (dinosaur@williams-net.com), November 04, 1999.

Yet again I thank my lucky stars I am ignorant to the history of this forum. Sure any kid can download a proggie to do that job. There is such a program in the games portion of the Debian Linux distribution, NTL, if it gave the lady a laugh, who are you to spoil the fun?

-- (...@.......), November 04, 1999.

For the record:

-- Go Back (ToSchool@Learn.2Write), November 04, 1999.

So, Donna, in your opinion, was this the real "dIETER?"

I think I may hate myself for asking this question, because I have a horrid feeling the very question itself might inspire a cyber version of a 1950's game show. Then, again, that might be fun.

'Night!

-- Marianne Michaels (scipublic@aol.com), November 04, 1999.

dIEtER is boring and he may be a dieter.

-- (yawning@some.more), November 04, 1999.

FOoLish hyENAs!!!!!

oNE LaST THiNG maRIaNNe, GoOd moRNiNG!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), November 04, 1999.

I can tell when it's a bogus Dieter,.....ack..and I can't tell you how to tell...cos it's an experiential-cosmic thing....I can get fooled initially, but there are code words, and I soon know...the fake ones don't know the code.

Marianne, you might want to do some investigative stuff on who the real Dieter is. Not for the book...just for mental health's sake. I have it on the best authority that some people know who Dieter is.

-- Donna (moment@pacbell.net), November 04, 1999.

Marianne,

It has the same sense... uh... non-sense... of the often sensible Dieter (when he's not being insensitive).

In other words... sort'a looks like him.

;-D

Diane

-- Diane J. Squire (sacredspaces@yahoo.com), November 04, 1999.

It's the real DiETeR. :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), November 04, 1999.

aLsO!!!!! ThaT Is qUITe enOUgH OuT OF yOU, Mr exTIncT!!!! eNoUGH!!!! ENoUGH I sAy!!!!

aND!!! aS FoR THe rEST Of yOU GIddY PROtaZOaS!!!! siLENcE!!!! cAN YoU NoT SEe thAT DIetER WIsheS TO slEEp??????

i HAtE YoU!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), November 05, 1999.

I don't know the "code words" but I can tell you that the email is definitely a genuine dIEtEr! I am his #1 Infidel Fan and collect avidely all things dIETetICLy rElLevANt. Plus, it's very easy to find out whether or not it is the real DiETeR; he ALWAYS makes perfect sense! (But to see that you must be a fruitcake.)

The fake ones don't always.

-- Chris (#$%^&@pond.com), November 05, 1999.

none of you know-purely guesswork

I wonder how many times this mythylogical Dieter has been called a fake by regulars? :-)

-- sAmMMy (SaM@hOMe.NoW), November 05, 1999.

"none of you know-purely guesswork" Sammy

Wrong! Some of us actually know him. I'm glad Marianne included him in the book. :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), November 05, 1999.

I think Dieter has a bot set up, to ring an alarm bell, whenever his name is mentioned, since he always seems to show up right away. Which could be a fun bit of info to have, if you're ever posting at, oh I don't know, say 4am(G).

Just kidding Dieter. Go back to sleep.

-- Bokonon (bok0non@my-Deja.com), November 05, 1999.

dIETeR needs to drop the crack pipe and step away from the computer.

-- . (.@...), November 05, 1999.

Diane--

LOL, thanks I enjoy all the laughs I can get!!

a new newbie

-- karla (karlacalif@aol.com), November 05, 1999.

Dieter's been posting like that ever since he spilled orange juice on his keyboard. He does have a way with words...

-- Tom Carey (tomcarey@mindspring.com), November 05, 1999.

Allow me to say that I'm now certain to hunt down a copy of the book. A whole chapter devoted to DIeTeR sounds like a lot of fun. Maybe a follow-up project could be an entire work devoted to the wit and wisdom of TB2K's pet troll.

WW

-- Wildweasel (vtmldm@epix.net), November 05, 1999.

mR CarEY!!!!!

dIETeR VerY MucH ENjOyED yOUR WorK On "IN LivINg coLor" yOU ArE A genIuS!!!!!

-- Dieter (questions@toask.com), November 05, 1999.

I'm a big fan of Dieter's writings!! Tell me, some of you old regulars - didn't Dieter "unmask" himself last March? Anyone have a link? Did anybody believe it??

-- jeanne (jeanne@hurry.now), November 05, 1999.

Not only did DiETer unmask himself last March, I accidently let the cat out of the bag early on in his appearance. If you want to know where, you do the research. I do still have the e from Gayla telling me to 'ssshhh'.

BTW, to those who care, my monitor seems to be suffering insomnia, like me. It works late at night (now), when I couldn't for love nor money start it up earlier. Maybe DIetEr has cast a spell on it ;-)

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), November 06, 1999.

Hello Tricia!! I do seem to recall that it was on April 1st (April Fool!!!) that Dieter "unveiled" himself - even with a photo. As I remember, he was quite a handsome young man in body....but of course that body is only being borrowed by the alien Dieter. Let's hope that he takes care of it and stays with us for a good while.

-- jeanne (jeanne@hurry.now), November 06, 1999.