The Devil's Beatitudes

Blessed are they who are too tired and busy to assemble with the Church on Sunday; for they are my best workers.

Blessed are they who are bored with the preacher's mannerisms, and mistakes; for they get nothing out of the sermon.

Blessed is the Church member who expects to be invited to his own church; for he is important to me.

Blessed are they who do not meet with the Church on Sunday; for they cause the world to say, "The Church is failing."

Blessed are they who are easily offended; for they get angry and quit.

Blessed are they who do not give to carry on God's work and mission; for they are my helpers.

Blessed are the troublemakers; for they shall be called the children of the devil.

Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother; for he will be with me forever.

Blessed is he who has no time to pray; for he shall be easy prey for me.

-- Anonymous, October 28, 1999