describe the ideal post-y2k woman : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread

Okay Typhonblue, a, KoS, others:

As an adjunct to the "Another sign of the apocalypse" thread below, describe for us your ideal post-y2k woman, if you will. Be certain your responses will receive close scrutiny from several quarters. If you come up w/ anything good, maybe we'll start another thread on les hommes post-apocalyptique.

-- silver ion (, October 24, 1999


If anyone remembers Jane Fonda in "Barbella", I think that would say it all.

-- King of Spain (madrid@aol.cum), October 24, 1999.

The female lead in Terminator.

-- Dolma Lhamo (I', October 24, 1999.

Proverbs 31 works just fine for me.

Any woman fitting that description is, tomorrow or post-Barbarella.

Mud wrestling isn't mentioned by name....... But I'm sure if you asked....

Mrs. INVAR is striving to emulate...and yes KoS....she'd whip my poor old butt mud-, or Jello wrestling (which I think is more fun).

Jello wrestling is great because after you have desert, you can have desert!

-- INVAR (, October 24, 1999.

The ideal Y2K woman can...

Split a log into four pieces with one stroke of an ax

Milk four goats, strain the milk without spilling it, and pasteurize the milk on a wood stove without burning it

Teach an eighth-grader to memorize the Gettysburg Address while gutting out a chicken for dinner (and saving the feathers for a down vest.)

Write a cookbook called "100 Delicious Recipes for Rice and Beans"

Think of 75 uses for drywall buckets

-- Ann M. (His, October 24, 1999.

What I remember is Jane Fonda in North Vietnam for a photo shoot with the NVA on an anti-aircraft field piece...

-- Michael Erskine (, October 24, 1999.

Lets see...I'm picturing someone with the good naturedness of Diane...the sense of humor of Lisa...the skills of Old Git...the spirituality of Leska...the intelligence of Paula Gordon...and...the mud wrestling ability of Maria.

-- a (a@a.a), October 24, 1999.

Sorry, I married her last year. A truly gracious answer though. -m-

-- Michael Erskine (, October 24, 1999.

my wife.

-- zoobie (, October 24, 1999.

This post brings to mind The Camping Trip Test my friends and I developed when we were of the marrying age. In our opinion, the girl must have passed or we would have been miserable after the I Do's. To wit:

Be willing to hike the trail without undo complaint or need for lengthy rest stops.

Be away from a hair dryer for an undetermined amount of time.

Find bathing in streams or lakes adequate.

Help with the fire and food and not think things "icky."

Enjoy exploring the unknown.

Be able to show me a thing or two about keeping warm.

I married her 17 years ago.

-- Pete (, October 24, 1999.

I actually met her on a recent plane flight from Seattle. She sews her own camoflage (sp?) gear, knows how to garden and can, and when she returned from her trip she was going on a one week elk hunting trip with her husband. This was a bow hunting trip no less. For her last birthday her husband gave her fishing waders and she loved them! She was even cute.

-- smfdoc (, October 24, 1999.

The one with the GOLD!!!!!!!

-- Andy (, October 24, 1999.

The ideal post-Y2K woman is me. I can sew, I can cook anywhere and with anything, I am great with kids (have one of my own and every day I deal with 97 8th graders), I know how to garden, can, and smoke foods. I can hunt. I am an incredible shot and can handle any weapon you give me. I have no problems whatsoever with killing an animal so that the family can eat, or killing an animal (human or otherwise) who threatens the lives or well-being of my family. I don't mind wearing dirty clothes and can go without makeup indefinitely. If I couldn't wash my hair for an extended period of time, I would just cut it off. I don't think anything is icky (how could a MOTHER think anything is icky? After you have wiped projectile vomit off of your face and pulled snot out of your kids nose with your bare fingers in absence of any acceptable tissue, and seen poop in your kid's bath nothing grosses you out).

Let's see, I can run fast and long, I don't tire easily, I think quickly and can hide well, I can think like a criminal but I have a heart that loves too much. I am creative and resourceful.

Basically I can do anything I have to do to survive and help my family to survive.

Is THAT the perfect post-Y2K woman?

-- Preparing (, October 24, 1999.

Wow, Preparing! Awesome! I have a great husband but I could go for a wife like you! Whew! How come some cultures let husbands have 500 wives but we don't get any? Huh? Not fair, not fair at all ;^)

-- Ashton & Leska in Cascadia (, October 24, 1999.

Leska: LOL!!!! Thanks, you reminded me of a saying I used to use:

"Boy I sure could use a wife!" Too true.

-- Preparing (, October 24, 1999.

Preparing...I can see a very long line of single GI men snaking around your house. Better be prepared to interview them and check their resumes. This might be your lucky day. : )

-- Debi (, October 24, 1999.

Well, in an 8+ I'd go with Will Continue, but if we go "Infomagic" Gayla would be my choice for a peaceful exit.

-- DaveW (, October 24, 1999.

Debi: LOL! I already have a GI husband, though. Actually, he really WAS a GI, as in was in the Army from 1985 to 1996, so he comes in handy, too! ;-)

-- Preparing (, October 24, 1999.


Please have a DNA sample preserved for when cloning is possible for humans. There are and will be many men looking for women like you.

-- Mr. Pinochle (, October 24, 1999.

While the following does not exactly fit the topic of this thread, it may be worth a chuckle or two:

60 Reasons Why It's Great to Be a Woman

1. Can see a painting and actually understand what the artist felt.
2. Regardless of when we die, we can expect to go with a full head of hair.
3. 24 year old, shirtless construction workers.
4. If someone tells us we hurt their feelings, we say, "oh, I'm sorry". instead of burying them with a bunch of lame excuses or lies.
5. Can effectively cook dinner, do the laundry, open/read mail and talk on the phone at the same time.
6. Same amount of money in wallet before and after the world series.
7. Can enjoy an abundance of simple things in life - no need for alcohol, cocaine, and naked dancing men.
8. If we are disturbed and someone asks us why, we can actually tell them (rather than say, "uh, nothin'.").
9. We remember everything, in chronological order.
10. No hairs the size of tree roots grow from our noses.
11. We know Arnold Schwarzenegger is the worst actor, ever.
12. Daniel Day Lewis in "Last of the Mohicans".
13. Backs without hair.
14. We may gain weight as we age, but the huge, protruding, hanging-over-the-belt beer belly eludes us.
15. We know what hangers are for.
16. When we see a contemporary performance, we know what the playwright was intending.
17. A child's laughter makes us feel good - see #7 above.
18. Same amount of money in bank account before and after the super bowl.
19. We don't care who played third base for the Baltimore Orioles in 1972.
20. If we don't know where the Sea Hawks play, no one laughs at us.
21. Can appreciate the incredible athletic ability of figure skating.
22. Can wear pants, ties, skirts, shorts - whatever we want.
23. Gastric noises kept to a minimum.
24. We mature as we grow older.
25. We know the sound an engine at high revs makes, and never feel compelled to demonstrate it.
26. The Volleyball scene in "Top Gun".
27. We live longer and inherit all the man's money.
28. Women can ponder thousands of different topics in a day - not limited to just thinking about sex.
29. We know the Three Stooges are funny - to anyone who is prepubescent.
30. We can shave our legs and feel silky smooth all day long.
31. Women live longer and get to throw out all accumulated junk, including but not limited to: broken appliances that he couldn't have fixed even if he tried T shirts from 30 years ago jeans that haven't fit for years.
32. We know the type of car you drive won't make you any more attractive.
33. We know what "truth" is and we can tell it.
34. European chocolate - see #7 above.
35. Women know that cigars really smell terrible.
36. Women can drive around the people going too slow in the left lane, rather than tailgate them, swearing, for 75 miles.
37. Skin tight, spandex professional football uniforms.
38. Anyone Norwegian.
39. If you're married and things don't work out, he has to leave and you get to keep all his stuff (see #27 above).
40. When people ask us how we are, we can tell them.
41. One vehicle is plenty.
42. Normal sized and manageable egos.
43. Lives not complicated by little checkerboard grids during significant sporting events.
44. Women can touch their friends' bodies and no one will care.
45. Cheaper auto and life insurance rates.
46. Men playing water polo in the summer Olympics.
47. The curve of our butts.
48. Women know the people on television can't hear us, so we don't waste time arguing with them.
49. We don't need a standing ovation because we just washed a dish.
50. If we're really unsuccessful in a relationship, we can be pretty happy with just a cat.
51. When people ask us what we're thinking, we can offer so much more than, "wha?".
52. A plethora of emotions available to feel; not just `angry' or `drunk'.
53. George Clooney.
54. We act older than our children.
55. Men accept the fact that taking out the garbage is their responsibility.
56. Women understand that members of a professional or college sport team are people other than ourselves; hence we know to refer to the players as 'them' rather than 'us' or 'we'.
57. Women have a clear distinction between themselves and God.
58. Women have a clue - actually, we have hundreds.
59. Men enjoy the aroma of our dirty gym clothes.
60. We can go to the bathroom together to laugh hysterically at our dates.

60 Reasons Its Great to Be a Man

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. We know stuff about tanks.
3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. Monday Night Football.
5. We don't have to monitor our friends sex lives.
6. Our bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
7. We can open all our own jars.
8. Old friends don't give us grief if we've lost or gained weight.
9. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob us blind.
10. When clicking through the channel, we don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
11. Our buns are never a factor in a job interview.
12. A beer gut does not make us invisible to the opposite sex.
13. We don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere we go.
14. We understand why Stripes is funny.
15. We can go to the bathroom without a support group.
16. Our last name stays put.
17. We can leave a hotel bed unmade.
18. When our work is criticized, we don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates us.
19. We can kill our own food.
20. The garage is all ours.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. We see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
23. We can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
24. If someone forgets to invite us to something, he or she can still be our friend.
25. Our underwear is $10 for a three pack.
26. The National College Cheerleading Championship
27. None of our co-workers have the power to make us cry.
28. We don't have to shave below our necks.
29. If we're 34 and single nobody notices.
30. Everything on our face stays its original color.
31. Chocolate is just another snack.
32. We can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
33. We never have to worry about other people's feelings.
34. We can wear a white shirt to a water park.
35. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
36. Michael Bolton doesn't live in our universe.
37. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when we walk into the room.
38. We can whip our shirt off on a hot day.
39. We don't have to clean our apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
40. We don't care if nobody notices our new haircut.
41. We can watch a game in silence with our buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
42. We can admire Clint Eastwood without starving ourself to look like him.
43. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
44. We know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
45. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
46. We don't care if someone is talking about us behind our back.
47. We don't mooch off others' desserts.
48. The remote is ours and ours alone.
49. People never glance at our chest when we're talking to them.
50. ESPN's sports center.
51. We can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
52. We can have a normal and healthy relationship with our mother.
53. If we don't call our buddy when we say we will, he won't tell our friends we've changed.
54. Someday we'll be dirty old men.
55. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, we might become lifelong buddies.
56. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
57. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
58. We think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
59. If something mechanical didn't work, we can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
60. Baywatch.

-- Jerry B (, October 24, 1999.

With the right man by my side, I would do whatever was necessary to survive so I could be his support and protection.

-- (, October 24, 1999.

Post-Y2K ideal woman; Loyal. Honorable. Intelligent. Creative. Compassionate. Dilligent. Optimisitc but practical. Hard-working. Strong. Responsible. Everything else can be learnt.

Post-Y2K ideal man See above.

-- Typhonblue (, October 25, 1999.

Programmable: Appearance and skill-sets.

-- A (, October 25, 1999.

The ideal post-y2k woman? One that doesn't need to know what the perfect post-y2k man is because she doesn't need one.

-- Stacia (, October 25, 1999.

a, if your wife ever gives you any trouble at all, lemme know and I'll send the jet for you........[let that be a warning to mrs. a]

-- lisa (, October 25, 1999.

Oh, Stacia, that's the BEST answer of them all!!! LOL...but TRUE!

-- Elaine Seavey (, October 25, 1999.

My wife.

'Nough said. (Sorry guys, she's already taken.)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (, October 25, 1999.

From: Y2K, ` la Carte by Dancr (pic), near Monterey, California

She thinks your harrow's sexy.

-- Dancr (addy.available@my.webpage), October 25, 1999.

The same as the pre-Y2K ideal woman...

-- Mad Monk (, October 26, 1999.

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