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I think everyone gets depressed - that depression is a reasonably natural human condition. Some depressions are deeper and last longer than others, I suppose is the defining difference between problematic depression and regular old every day depression.Sometimes it is the weather, family matters, job issues, personal relationships, health - whatever. Other times it's ghost-like and nameless. You don't know why you feel depressed - you just do.
I'm interested in hearing what triggers people into their own low moods. Music? Weather? A memory? An immediate event only?
Just curious.
-- Catherine (catherine@cmjcom.com), October 18, 1999
Yes, I get depressed. It was first diagnosed as such when I was about 12. They say that creative types are always close to the edge of darkeness... not sure if that's true, but it does seem we are prone to feeling too much, thinking too hard. Sensitive. Sometimes current life events will trigger memories that send me back to dark places. It's like there's a part of my brain that's an evil sponge, soaking up and retaining black, toxic memories that I really would rather squeeze out and forget.
There's also a physical component- lack of light in winter is a factor.
-- Cameron Perry (cameron@cimtegration.com), October 18, 1999.
Not knowing. It's reflected in my kids, the fact that I can never know, for sure, what two of them are thinking...I get clues, but it's a deduction, not a direct communication. Cutting off communication lines is the easiest way to throw me into depression, and always was, even when I was younger. It made me feel that I wasn't worth talking to, when younger, if supposed friends tried to "shut me out". I always think that eventually it can be worked out, if it's talked ou. If you can't---it just spirals down. A wall that can't be pierced. I want to know everything. An unattainable goal, but a very real want...and it bugs me when I can't even guess the thoughts of some in my own family. I think my suicide attempt, when I was thirteen, was fostered mostly by a bleak depression which in turn was fueled by a knowledge that I was sure no one would understand what I wsa going through. (Wrongly.) (One funny note, though....I went to a therapist after that for six months, and lied my head off. I didn't want to unburden myself to someone paid to listen. Go figure.) There have been a few times when that same depression seized me--- I can think of one ohhhh, about fifteen years ago where the thought of suicide briefly passed through my mind---and again, it was because of something I thought I couldn't talk about. (Again, wrongly.) If I hadn't been able to talk it out, to soeone I knew would listen, I don't know what would have happened. It's a recurring theme, I'm afraid, with me.--Al
-- Al Schroeder (al.schroeder@nashville.com), October 18, 1999.
In my case, it's brain chemicals and hormones. I spent most of the time between 1984 and 1998 depressed because of a chronic illness; once the illness was adequately treated, the depression lifted.I can't point to any one thing that caused my deepest depressions. I look back and I can see that though there were things going on that made me more depressed (an abusive partner, doing badly in school), most of these things didn't trigger the depression but were caused by my being depressed. For me, depression is all about poor choices and being unable to see what, exactly, i'm doing wrong. Or if i know what i'm doing wrong, then I think i'm helpless to change whatever is wrong.
Relationships gone wrong are high on the list of things that will trigger an episode for me, because it generally does a number on my self-esteem, which does really bad things to the rest of my psyche.
-- Kris (idat@madstop.org), October 18, 1999.
It's hard to answer that - in my case, it's a "chicken-and-egg" thing. I have clinical depression, so it's biochemical, but it's also about feeling (or being) displaced, in the way, ignored, passed over - invisible. Nothing triggers me faster or more totally than that "nose against the glass" feeling - being excluded from something important to me, marginalized. As a child, I literally believed that I was invisible for most of my away-from-school life - it's not a good place to live.
-- Catherine (hinesc@mindspring.com), October 18, 1999.
It's a buildup of guilt, for me. It all comes down to how responsible I'm being, and, connected to that, how much I can get away with.I deal a lot with being sneaky with myself and being somewhat sneaky with others. I micromanage the little things so that the big picture will shine that much more. When something happens to one of the little things, the Big Picture is tarnished horribly. It's like I have to start over.
Thus, my childhood name from my brother and my dad was the Drama Queen, which I hated and made me much more emotional.
I also hate the Big Picture. There's too much there to look at, and it's far too painful. It would also get too dull if I had too much perspective on things.
It's the little things I fail to do that get me, that make me feel so shitty that I sleep for hours and I sit on my hands when very important things needs to get done.
Oh, and I'd also have to say the weather can really really affect me. Headaches, allergies, sinus problems. It all contributes.
-- krystyn (eisllew@msn.com), October 18, 1999.
...other than physical based depressors (weather, chronic aches), it's mostly memory triggers... not just remembering, but reliving. deja vu type situations where something I thought was over with and settled comes back up again and i realize it wasn't so settled... i guess knowing there are something you just can't relax about if you don't want to get hit by surprise again. that depresses me. i always want to be able to really let go not hold onto wariness. it's a choice with no good options.
-- Lynda B. (lyndacat@bigfoot.com), October 18, 1999.
Feeling so crowded and pushed by all the things I have to do that I can't get to the things I like to do until I'm too tired to do them. Due dew, dew due dew...dew du
-- Anthony V. Toscano (atoscano@mindspring.com), October 19, 1999.
Too much wine and not enough sleep....
-- special k (specialk@asarian-host.org), October 19, 1999.
This question hits home - I'm smack in the midst of a week-long depressive funk right now, sitting in front of the computer not having slept through the night for three days, and skipping classes left and right. For me, immediate events don't seem to be triggers. Much more likely is memories for short ones and weather, migraines, doing badly in school, criticism, and strangely enough, major changes in schedule. Also, boredom. I hate that I can get fascinated by something enough to do it with extreme dedication, but only for about 6 weeks, max. It makes me worry about future relationships and especially about children. Another problem is that the more I succumb to depression, the more lethargic and guilty I feel, leading to less activity and more denial/procrastination. Wow. Ick. I'm glad I went to see a therapist on Monday. But I wish my next appointment was earlier than Friday. You know, normally I'm an enthusiastic, some say annoyingly bubbly-and-active person. Heh. --Whitney
-- Whitney Treseder (whtreseder@amherst.edu), October 20, 1999.
turning 32 and looking back and like a brick that hits you out of the blue...I have done nothing... have a college degree but cannot remember college..too many hazey janes...grown very little..spent tons of money on wine and going out to dinner...having PMS become a reality, when it never was before...reading many "self-help" books..but not really remembering the content, and then I owe fines to the library..STOP! and try all over again..writing and reading and stoping and thinking..oh yes and sleeping...I love October it's cold and leaves are changing..but it has been rather scary..I think "depression" hit me this past May..I thought I had possible Lyme disease or mono..I felt very lethargic...and slept a lot..went to the doctor and had blood tests..he said "Wellbutron" your blood tests are negative. I left the office, NEVER tried antidepressent meds and the symptoms have, for the most part, disappeared......
-- cris (catnun31@yahoo.com), October 23, 1999.