I sound like a bitchy, nagging girlfriend today, don't I? But I'm just venting. I wouldn't try to make him not go or feel guilty about going. He did cancel his trip last weekend in order to work around the house, and the week before that was his first trip in a while.

It's just depressing sometimes to realize that a day with the girlfriend is not ever going to be as much fun as a day with the guys. Damn those guys.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

Answers

Paul has decided that he simply must take up fly-fishing.

So far, this has involved long lunches with manly friends where they discuss where's the best place to go-- Vermont? Maine? Wyoming? New Mexico? (we live in Texas), and also purchasing a rod and waders and vest and "how-to" video starring Chico Fernandez.

You can't get much more left out than this.

I have more than once accused him of loving his friend George more than he loves me. Or certainly, preferring his company to mine. Are guys that much fun to be around? Are we women that unpleasant and demanding?

Damn those

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

The Wife is a huge Durannie. What's a Durannie, you ask? A Durannie is slightly-crazed and incredibly loyal fan of the '80s group Duran Duran. It's amusing but incomprehensible.

Don't get me wrong, Duran Duran is pretty cool. They were so glossy, you know? They made some damned fine pop music and some of the best videos of the early '80s and it could be argued that their image has had a huge influence on music videos - which in turn influences everything nowadays.

But come on. The Wife goes to concerts (in-town and out), buys everything even remotely related to the band, subscribes to the mailing list, tapes appearances on the TV...anything and everything Duran-related can be found, tucked hither and yon around my house.

I don't get it. Sorry, I don't see the attraction. They've got a few good songs, but once I've heard them my interest drops off precipitously. So this is one hobby we really don't share.

Still, I look at it like this: there are LOTS WORSE things the Wife could be in to. She could like Beanie Babies, or antiques, or macrame, or the Lord...so Duran Duran is at least fairly cool, and not out-and-out puke-inducing.

I do like the Wife a lot, though. She's a cool chick. I just don't get the Duran thing.

Harold wonderland2 http://home.midsouth.rr.com/wonderland2/

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

When I read the line about the Sunday morning computer show (CalExpo?) I jerked to attention. The first time my boyfriend left early on a Sunday morning to go to one (after I had bought linguica and eggs to make for breakfast) I cried in shock. Now it's pretty normal. He says I can go if I want to-but really, why? I like my computer just the way it is. I don't want to mess with it. To give him a little break here, he fixes computers on the side so he does need to go. But, ew. He also plays softball and indoor soccer, both of which I don't mind watching but don't play myself. Also goes to karate 2 times a week. I am a single working mother of a 12 year old girl, with no time on my hands for such nonsense. Just getting some time alone after 9 is my idea of a hobby!

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

Pat took up golfing a couple of years ago. It's partly enjoyment of the game, partly hanging with his friends. Actually, he started doing it because his buddies got into it.

Sometimes I resent it. For some reason they always have to play at like 6:00 AM (literally, in the summer) because you can use the 9 hole course only at that time, or something. So he'd get up at 5:00 and go play golf, then they'd have to go to somebody's house (of course) and he wouldn't turn up till 5:00 or so. Then that night he'd be all tired because he got up so early and wouldn't want to do anything.

Finally we had a talk. I felt like when I wanted to do something that would require getting up early he was all sulky, yet for golf/hanging with golf buddies he was getting up at 5:00 every Saturday. He understood, thank god. He made time for things I want to do, and I felt better about it.

In the past with other boyfriends I would have tried to take an interest and get involved myself. He and I have always had a style of doing things without the other (I go to hot springs places without him). But when it seemed like we weren't spending any time together, that wasn't what I wanted.

What makes this situation become really infuriating, for me, is whenhe wants to go play golf when there's some task we both need to get done. Or if getting up at 5:00 is going to make him too tired to do something we'd planned for that night. Again, he is pretty reasonable about this if I sit down and explain it to him. I have to admit it's not like I've never gone out to the sauna place when it would have made more sense to stay home and clean the house for guests or something.

So the apple slicing chore would really piss me off. The way we'd work out something like this would probably be that he'd get to bike (or golf) but I'd get to be a big old martyr about having to slice all the apples. And next time, he'd owe me.

It works for us.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

You know, I went ahead and indulged my martyrdom a little while ago, and not only did he offer to bail, he also reminded me that they can't be out that late because it's not a full moon and they all have two-hour lights on their bikes. So we're going to do the apples when he gets home, and I think I might go out to dinner before then. Doc will be fine for an hour or so.

Joy, did I just give you advance warning that you're going to be a computer show widow this weekend? I go along on those trips once in a while, if I'm looking for something or if I want to go to the mall (we park halfway in between the mall and Cal Expo, and then we each walk a couple of blocks). I like computer shows once in a while, but I generally have something else I'd rather do.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

Travis doesn't really have a "hobby", per se. He just decides once in a while to up and leave on the weekend and leave me here with my crazy family. Like this weekend, he went upstate with a friend of his to visit his parents. Travis loves this guy Luke's parents. If you've ever seen the episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine's boyfriend, Aaron the close-talker, is obsessed with showing Jerry's parents a good time, you'll completely understand how Travis is around Luke's mom and dad. They're nice people, don't get me wrong. It's just a little odd.

I guess I can't complain though. He spends a lot of his time with me. He needs that male-bonding time once in a while. I mean, he can watch the Packers game with me, but I usually end up falling asleep in his lap. Luke doesn't do this. Luke yells and screams and slings empty beer cans at the television and can Travis follow suit to his heart's content.

It's fine with me. I'm pretty sure that Travis wouldn't be the least bit interested in coming shopping with my friends and I. I can't see him traipsing around Bath and Body Works, smelling everything and trying on the glitter lotion, and then sitting down with huge ice-cream cones to critique everyone that walks by. Somehow I just don't think he'd enjoy this.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

My husband has a new hobby. He now is SERIOUSLY working out. He lifts weights 5 to 6 times a week. He also must talk on the phone to his buddies about how much weight he lifted, what he ate that day, what power bar/supplement he is trying. etc. etc. etc. This would not be a problem on its own. But when you add working out to golf, softball, basketball, volleyball, camping, 4-wheeler rides, football season, "watching the fight", general "guys night out you can't come", etc., it gets to be too much time spent with the enemies.

It makes me feel a little better to read this forum. I am not alone!

Deb, we have a George in our family too. His name is Scott and I have, many, many, times, accused Steve of preferring his company to mine.

This sounds so lame to say, but why are women so different from men? From the time Steve and I moved in together, my focus has been on him. I love spending time with him. There is not a girlfriend activity in the world that I would choose over a night alone with my man. But so often I feel like he does not enjoy my company as much. My best trashy lingerie simply can not compete with a night out with the guys. Damn those guys, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.

Beth, I think you should trash the apples and treat yourself to a fabulous dinner. (Who am I kidding? I would stay home and do the responsible thing.)

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

sorry, i missed your entry above on indulging your martyrdom.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

Oh, I'm a golf junkie and a computer show junkie with my man :)

But there are things he does that I just cannot comprehend or play along with. He adores those computer games where the object is just to shoot things up, like Total Annilation and Age of Empires. He plays them for hours on end, plays head to head over the interent, and just loves to have his buddies over to play over our home network. The noises along make me batty. And if I don't yell at him he'll play them till all hours of the night and come to bed absurdly late.

His other vice is football and baseball. He's got (through a cousin) almost season tickets to the home NY Jets games. He'll leave at 9 am on Sunday and not return till late into the night. And he watches both on tv obsessively. I'm convinced that the tv downstairs can only show sports on it.

Colleen

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

What hobby does my husband not have? Granted, he usually only has a few at a time but there's always something. Right now, it's teevee sports. I've told him that he needs to pick the games that he wants to watch and only watch those. Otherwise our apartment becomes the 24-hour football/basketball/baseball/golf zone. Drives me up a wall. I wouldn't mind if it didn't mean that he became incommunicado for twelve hours straight and that I can't watch anything I want to watch.

All in all though, he's fairly receptive to me when I complain about it. I want him to have his own stuff just as I want him to respect my stuff. Although sometimes I think he takes secret glee in the fact that he leaves me a sports-widow. How did I ever marry a sports nut?

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

PLaystation. I am a playstation widow.

And to think I actually BOUGHT him the damn machine.

A big reason we don't have parties anymore is because all the guys would bring their own controllers and games and sit in front of the TV all night. Conversation? Hello?

There are very few things in life more boring than watching someone else play a video game.

- t

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

chris lives to snowboard. he keeps telling me i'm going to break up with him because i'm never going to see him once the season starts. i think that's great. know what else i think is great? the fact that he works 80 hours a week as it is and the only time i get to see him is occasionally on the weekends. oops! but not anymore because its already snowing in the mountains and his priorities are exactly: snowboarding, work, carolyn. in that order. but i'm not bitter. i've never even tried snowboarding and i fully intend to this season and maybe i'll love it. even though secretly i'm pretty sure i'll be fairly indifferent about it. and it doesn/t even matter because i have to work 2 jobs now, which means weekends, which means he gets to go off and play and i get to go to the mall. yay.

sigh.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

It's me, Joy. I knew about Sunday's computer show. And Iaccepted it. BUT, we're going camping instead!! Sometimes he get's his priorities straight. Beth, any ideas for easy camping up in the foothills? I prefer the Highway 50 corridor, because my secret plan is to make him go by Apple Hill on the way home. I was thinking Sly Park. By the way, I bought an apple/peeler/corer/slicer thingy last fall and it makes slicing apples for pies and tarts so easy. It's time to whip that baby out again!

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

My husband WISHES I would be more interested in his hobby...

So instead, he has to spend time with the old magazines and persiankitty.com

heheheheh

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

With my husband, it's Tibet. Tibet anything, but Tibetan religion, particularly. He's fascinated by it. We went to a performance by the Drepung Loseling monks recently, and I thought it was nifty and all, but I wasn't blown away by it like he was. Nor would I ever voluntarily play the moaning, droning CDs...

Sure do hope he doesn't decide to chuck it all and become a monk...

However, I can't complain; Tibetan Buddhism is a lot more personally improving than my interests, and I have a hell of a lot: reading anything in print, sewing, writing, surfing the 'net, AND more.

I do worry a bit about the monk thing, though.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

Two words: his band.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 1999

The boyfriend left on a ten day hunting trip yesterday and he has a three week (!) trip planned at the end of November. When I do see him all I hear about is ammunition and places to camp and if they'll see little animals. Good god. I so can't wait for hunting season to be over.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 1999

If you're a bitchy & nagging girlfriend, I must raise my hand to be counted in the parade. The Boy loves 2 things that I have no interest in: sports (mostly hockey) and tinkering with his webpage. You'd think I'd be more supportive of the web page thing, but he's interested in gadgets & I'm interested in writing.

I'm trying with hockey, though. Last year I watched 20-odd Leafs games, when I'd never watched one previous to this. It makes me feel better about the times that I can't help playing the martyr.

As the Boy's sister says to her husband, "I'm sure there was something in the vows about loading the dishwasher. Oh, go play your video game."

tis

-- Anonymous, October 09, 1999

Well, I don't go out with the guys, because all-guy activities are just dull.... but Barb and I have found we have different interests and are comfortable with that. Don't get me wrong, we have a lot of interests in common, but she's primarily a movie buff and only reads occasionally, I'm a book nut and only sees a movie occasionally. Our tastes in what we read and like are often worlds apart. Our activities on-line are totally different, and that's the way we BOTH like it. She doesn't really like it when one of her friends contacts me for anything, and she refuses to get involved in the journal, although I'd love her to do a movie review or two. We've been with each other enough that we can be comfortable following our own interests.

Where we agree we agree, where we differ, we don't worry about it. Barb will often go out on a weekend afternoon to do what she wants, or I might go out to do what I want, and both of us are fine with that. In fact, if we had more in common, there might be more friction.--Al

-- Anonymous, October 09, 1999

hmm. Stuart loves that television set but I have the computer and my books. We both love working out in the yard. When I pull out my crafts, 8/10 he will come over and dive in with me. He even gets interested in the journal community if I talk about it. That is one thing I have always been so pleased about is that we match each other in so many ways. I have always felt pretty fortunate for that.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 1999

I'm fascinated by all of this, because I never feel like a widow. Maybe it's because I have a career I love that takes up a lot of time; maybe because he is a musician and gone more often than not, and I am used to it; maybe because I don't want to spend all of my free time with him -- I like to hang out with friends and do things alone. He isn't into sports or working out or going to trade shows or whatever, which is why I am with him.

-- Anonymous, October 11, 1999

Games. Roleplaying games, board games, computer games, you name it, Sabs is addicted to it.

And I mean addicted. He usually gets up earlier than I do in the mornings, but does that mean extra chores will get done? Oh no. That means three hours will be wasted pushing little figures aroudn on the computer screen.

It's enough to make me scream sometimes, especially when he sits in here, on the phone long-distance to San Francisco with his friend Sean so the two of them can discuss strategy while they're both logged onto the same game.

I used to be an active onlin RPG person, and I was badly addicted. but But I've been over it for a very very long time. I get very angry and resentful because I refrain from calling all of my friends who live many miles away to keep the phone bill low and when I have a smidgen o extra time I spend it trying to get ahead on the housework.

But for Sabs, the RPGs always win out.

-- Anonymous, October 11, 1999