(OT) Clinton Humor

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When President Clinton finished his time here on earth and approached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asked him, "And who might you be?"

"It's me, Bill Clinton, former President of the United States and leader of the free world. I'd like to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Of course," says St. Peter. "But first, you have to confess your sins."

Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't call it dope-smoking' because I didn't inhale. There were inappropriate extramarital relationships, but you can't call it adultery, because I didn't have real intercourse. And I made some statements that were misleading, but you can't call it lying because, as far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of perjury."

With that St. Peter, consulted the Book of Life briefly and declared, "Okay, here's the deal. We're sending you to someplace hot, but we're not calling it hell. You will be there indefinitely, but we won't call it eternity. And when you enter you don't have to abandon all hope, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

-- Yuk (yuk@yuk.yuk), September 15, 1999


Clinton was walking around the White House with a pair of ladies panties on his arm. Everyone was looking at him and wondering what he was doing now. After about an hour one guy got brave enough to ask him what he was doing with the pair of ladies panties on his arm. Clinton replied, "Oh, that? It's the patch. I'm trying to quit."

-- Y2KGardener (gardens@bigisland.net), September 15, 1999.

I s that a cigar or are you just happy to see me?

-- Y2KGardener (gardens@bigisland.net), September 15, 1999.

Well it ain't for Hillary that's for sure. There are a bunch of beautiful blonde bimbos in but floss waving from the beach. Can you blame him?

-- @ (@@@.@), September 16, 1999.

Speaking of blonde bimbos, there was a blond joke in the Edmonton Sun today that went something like this:

Police Officer - Why were you weaving all over the road?

Blonde - Well, this tree just jumped right in front of me, so I swerved to avoid it, then there was another one that way, so I swerved again, and then there was another one! I was soo scared!

Police Officer - Did the trees look like this? (points to the air freshener dangling from the rear view mirror)

-- T the C (tricia_canuck@hotmail.com), September 16, 1999.

He's got his doggie well trained. "Stand at attention when you see bimbos like that, BOY!!"

-- @ (@@@.@), September 16, 1999.

Well, if the topic has now switched to blondes...

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?" "Yes, anything" the blonde promised. With that, the man said, "Follow me". He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did. He then said, "Get on your knees" She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.

He said, "Go ahead...take it out".

She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well....go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM???

-- Y2KGardener (gardens@bigisland.net), September 16, 1999.

Y2K joke :

Two hikers were walking through the woods when they suddenly saw a huge bear crashing through the trees, coming straight for them. The first guy stops to remove his tennis shoes from his pack and begins putting them on. "What are you doing? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?", asked the second hiker. The first hiker replied, "I don't need to, I only need to outrun YOU!"

-- Will continue (farming@home.com), September 16, 1999.

Will, TOO FUNNY!!!!!

-- Truth (at@the.ready), September 16, 1999.

Now that is a unit. Let's see Dubbya beat that one.

(calm down, I'm a registered anti-WJC)

-- lisa (holy@cow.wow), September 16, 1999.

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