Noah, in Modern Times The Lord spoke to Noah & said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water & all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for the Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." After six months passed, the skies began to cloud up, and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lighting bolt crashed to the ground next to Noah. "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a

variance from the city planning commission. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince U.S.Fish and Wildlife that I needed wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So no owls. Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going on the boat and still no owls. Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by animal rights

group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corps of

Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed. The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully. "No," said the Lord sadly, "Government already has."

-- Taz (Tassie@aol.com), August 23, 1999

Answers

SOOOOO TRUEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Yup, we've got the best politicians money can buy.

All seriousness aside, the story of Noah in Scripture (NOT the NBC Miniseries fiasco), it took 100 years to build this Ark. They were in the middle of an arid land, there was no significant flooding rains.

If you think us tinfoils get ridiculed and scorned....imagine the pollyannas that existed back then. Here's a guy that is building a boat in the middle of a practical desert! Imagine the self-doubt Noah had to have at times, his wife, his family.

A hundred years go by, all the while spending that time preparing for the global flood. You wanna talk about the neighbor's thinking you're crazy.....you wanna talk about ridicule, scorn and persecution....you wanna talk about a "Don't worry-be-happy" spin by the locals...

...Us tinfoils have it light in comparison...but also share many similarities.

Yes, TEOTWAWKI seems like a stretch and a doomer fantasy....but sometimes the masses are caught unprepared because of their own feeble impressions about what is truly stable and constant in this world.

Lack of heeding and taking precautions has resulted in most of the unfortunate deaths, accidents and wars in man's history.

Why should Y2K be any different?

-- INVAR (gundark@sw.net), August 23, 1999.

TEOTWAWKI, or not, your life, and priorities will be different in 2000, I garuntee it. That's my o. Y2k aside, there's just too much crap loaded on the camel back.

-- CygnusXI (noburnt@toast.net), August 23, 1999.

After the Deluge, the world was significantly altered.

Old things had passed away in destruction.

Y2K and the coming judgments will significantly alter the world.

-- Randolph (dinosaur@williams-net.com), August 24, 1999.