Or is there no such thing?

Do they drive you crazy? Do they give you any privacy? Do you ever think that when they see you naked, they're secretly thinking, "Jesus, join a gym"?

-- Anonymous, August 15, 1999

Answers

Sometimes we have too many animals. Sometimes not. We have 4--two large dogs, two medium-sized cats. I just think sometimes they're more obtrusive than others.

One of my cats must be addicted to porography since she is almost always on the bed when my hubby and I have sex. Should we be seeking counselling for her?

-- Anonymous, August 15, 1999

Uh-yeah.

I'm staying at my brother's so not only do I have my precious pup to deal with but also their Dachshund from hell, who is just about 9 months old.

I find it interesting that they named him Mazel (Hebrew for luck). Sometimes he is good luck, but most often...bad. But he's a puppy and I'm trying to be forgiving.

In the six weeks I've been here he has eaten one bottle of conditioner, three pairs of shoes and countless pairs of panties.

Though I can't put entire pantie blame on him. If the truth must be known my Allie Gator is a bit of a lesbian and her favorite snack is a fresh pair of panties from the dirty clothes hamper.

Jackie

-- Anonymous, August 15, 1999

You can never have too many cats. What a silly question.

The only thing they do that really annoys me is, when I remove my clothes and shoes at the end of the day one of them invariably pokes their nose in my discarded pants or shoes, snuffles around in them for a few seconds, and makes that face. You know, the one where they open their mouth and stare off into space. I can't help but take it personally.

One of my cats apparently has a shoe fettish, because he licks them all over after I take them off. He doesn't bother with my wife's shoes. After about a year of this I finally realized why - at work, we manufacture food products with a large percentage of salt in them. He licks my shoes because he craves the salt on them - whether his body needs it or he just likes the taste, I can't say.

-- Anonymous, August 15, 1999

Howard likes to make laundry discoveries when I have company.

He invariably will pull the cruddy looking underwear out of the laundry to share with guests, with an expression that says "wow! can you believe she was hiding this? If it were mine I would keep it all to myself too! mmmmmmmmmmmmm"

-- Anonymous, August 15, 1999

We only have 2 cats and I would LOVE more, but these two would *kill* us. Jezz, too, is a porn freak. She is *ALWAYS* on our bed, even when Jake and I have sex... and she's always crawling all over our legs too... it's like - "What are you doing in there? Okay, I need a better camera angle, can you just lift up just a lil' bit?"

If it hadn't been going on for so long, I would be freaked out, but now I'm just resigned to it. She also hogs my pillow and pushes her way under the covers when we're trying to get close to each other. She will have NONE of that, and pushes her way right in between us.

Aleira, on the other hand, is pretty mellow and gives us our space - EXCEPT when we come home from work. She sleeps on a heater that's right next to our door and as soon as she hears us drive up, I'm sure she sits right up, and then RIGHT WHEN we open the door: "MEOW!!!" I can't even get all the way in and let Jake in, I just *have* to start petting her right away, cuz she's just SO damned cute. "MEOW! (Hi! Welcome home!) MEOW!! (Okay, you've been home for 10 seconds, PET ME) MEOW!! (Hurry up about it!)

And as for privacy. As if the sex thing wasn't enough - they both have a thing about coming and jumping in my lap when I'm on the toilet. Weird beings. (=

-- Anonymous, August 15, 1999

My dog's weird thing is this:

He can't stand it when Dan and I hug or kiss. He whines and whines and cries... and then he gets a bright idea: let's make it a threesome! And he starts humping Dan's (never my) leg.

Oh, baby!

-- Anonymous, August 15, 1999

My dog gives me absolutely NO privacy. I get watched while I pee too and the way he eyes me when I'm naked drives me insane. I worry more about him staring at my naked body then I do about my boyfriend. And all he has to hear is me and the beau getting it on and sure enough he trots right down the hall to sit in front of my door and watch us. Of course then we have to stop so I can drag him away because the boyfriend can't "perform" under such pressure. hehhe but I love my dog and I wouldn't want him any other way.

-- Anonymous, August 16, 1999

Yes. Four cats. Too many animules. Privacy? What's that? When I use the bathroom in which the litter box sits, Sasha decides it's a good time for a cuddle and comes in to sit on my lap. Mephisto curls up on top of the water tank and Tiger threads back and forth between me legs until I'm done so that he can jump up and watch the toilet flush.

Tiger is fascinated by the toilet and has been ever since he was a little kitten fluff. Tiger will also come in and sit on the edge of the shower while I'm in it and just peek his little head around the corner every now and then as if to say "Are you okay in there? Are you SURE you want to be pouring that much water all over your head?"

They all converge, but most especially Tiger, on my calves after I get out of the shower to lick the water off of my shins.

Only Shara, their mother seems to be disinterested by what's going on in the bathroom although she will occasionally join her kittens, regally establishing herself on the side of the tub and staring at me with big round eyes while I take a leak.

Privacy is a thing of the past.

-- Anonymous, August 16, 1999

Emma (cat) comes in the bathroom with me in the morning, but she doesn't watch me or jump on my lap - she just wants me to put water in the sink so she can drink it. She's always done this.

Neither she nor the other cat, George, are very interested in our activities except for new objects we bring into the house. Emma does have a very annoying and grating mew and will sit there going "aaaah!" repeatedly, which makes us say "jesus! what the hell do you want anyway?"

-- Anonymous, August 16, 1999

I actually have the opposite problem of what you mentioned in your journal entry, instead of taking things, our dog Friday brings us things. I suppose this has to do with her breed...Golden Retriever (nothing escapes me!) But on one occasion she put her skills to use quite nicely..I was in the bathroom and she brought me a magazine. Yes the door was open...don't judge me, no one was home! But it made up for all the dirty socks. So no, you don't get any privacy...unless you shut the door.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 1999

My Golden Ret. also likes to visit me in the bathroom. It's the only door in the house that she knows she can open (when not latched -don't worry Beth!). She especially likes to come in early in the morning with that sleepy, wiggly look, do a couple stretches (my yoga instructor calls it "down-dog"), and say "Hi, whatcha doing? Wanna scratch my butt".

I've gotten quite used to it.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 1999

The problem is, Eric, that I've never figured out how to make your bathroom door latch. But that's okay; our front bathroom doesn't have a latch at all, and both Benny and Doc can open the folding door.

Every morning when I get up to pee, I have three cats and a dog clustered around the toilet, wanting their heads scratched. It makes me feel very loved. Bah.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 1999

Yeah, that door is funky. The most fun is that the door knob spins about three revolutions before it opens (assuming you latched the door). This gives you that "oh shit. This time I'm stuck in here" feeling. It always opens, just not always in the same way.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 1999

Absolutely no privacy in the bathroom. Even if I shut the door one of the monsters pushes it open. All three dogs seem fascinated that humans pee on the toilet.

And all three of them watch us have sex. Sometimes Brandy does her mooing thing at inappropriate moments.

I sure would like to know what they think sometimes.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 1999

I live alone, why shut the bathroom door?

Oh yeah, when Howard decides that not only does he want head rubs, he wants cuddles, and tries to crawl in my lap, falls off (he's a clumsy boy) and gets tangled in my undies or (worse) hose.

That will give a person a sense of dignity.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 1999

I don't need an alarm clock; my cat, Pudding, wakes me up promptly at 6a every morning (including weekends) by standing his 13 pounds squarely on my chest and screaming "FEED ME!" I shove him off, try to snooze, only to be awakened AGAIN, this time with a "I'M NOT KIDDING COME LOOK AT MY DISH IT IS EMPTY!!"

I don't mind my other cat, Smokey, doing this, as she (1) has a much quieter voice ("mom? please could I have a little dry food? and some fresh water now? maybe?") and (2) she weighs all of 9 pounds.

Because Pudding eats all of her leftovers.

-- Anonymous, August 17, 1999