How much do you think religion factors in with dating? For instance, would you consider dating a person based on how well you get along with them (personality, similarites, blah blah), even if you knew they didn't have a religion (or were of a different religion)? What would happen if you guys ever got married? What would happen with your kids? Should you limit your dating pool to people within your religion (or lack thereof)? What do you think?

-- Anonymous, August 10, 1999

Answers

Religion is very important, even if you are "not" religious. I was Catholic and married a non-practicing Christian man right out of college. We divorced three years later and although religion wasn't an issue, I found out that it was really hard to be married. It took a lot of work and compromise. (Thank goodness we did not have any children). I dated (with no thought to religion) for several years and became serious with a Jewish man. Upon much reflection, I converted to Judaism and we were married. My family wasn't thrilled but have learned to live with it. I could not have made a better decision. It's hard enough being married and having a good marriage without all the problems our diverse religions would have brought to the table. I now have two wonderful children who are not torn about Christmas and Hannukah, Easter and Passover, as children are of several friends we have that have "mixed" marriages. I think you owe it to your children to provide them with a united, agreed upon, religion. I'm certainly glad I made the decisions I did. (And YES, I still miss Christmas morning and Santa Claus, but my kids don't.) Good luck in your search!

-- Anonymous, August 10, 1999

I don't have a religion. I have never been to church. I was raised completely and utterly religionless. Most people find this sort of hard to comprehend, which kind of makes me feel like a freak. People say things like "You have to be some religion" or "Well, what are your parents, then?" My parents aren't any religion either. Yes, people, this is possible.

In a relationship, I think that people should be able to overcome the bounds of religion, though I also think that's impossible sometimes. I would marry someone from any religion, and although I can't promise that I would sign right up to join, I would try to understand. Maybe it's easier for a "religionless" person to date people, but I don't know. I think if I did get serious with anyone who felt strongly about his religion, he would be much more like to pressure me into joining, simply because I don't already have one, and that's not really fair. I say again: having no religion is not a flaw, just as having one, or questioning one, or trying out different ones, are also not flaws. Thank you.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 1999

I will date anyone, anywhere, of any religion. Except snake-handling. And Christianity. Ah, but I kid the Christians. Please don't damn me to eternal suffering in the Lake of Fire. Thank you. Seriously, religion isn't really an issue to me, as long as they don't try to change my non-church-attending ways.

-- Anonymous, August 11, 1999

I don't know if I would be considered non-religious, but I don't think I'm totally religious either. I was born into an ultra- conservative Catholic family, except my parents never carried out the whole CCD thing, so I have never had first communion and stuff like that, which I guess is crucial to being a "good Catholic".

I guess that as long as whomever I was dating understood that I had a faith of some sort and didn't make fun of me for having it, or telling me it was stupid, or anyone trying to change my faith, then I would have no problem. I wouldn't mind anyone adding to my faith, I guess, but as long as I didn't feel like I was being preached at or whatever, I'd be okay. I have no problems with people being without religion, so long as they don't give ignorant reasons for not being religious. It's like, know what it is you hate before you start hating it. That could be said about many things.

One thing I don't like are people like the ones at my high school who, upon confirmation, declared that I was going to Hell because I didn't participate in their "rites of passage". They said that they were better Catholics than me because of it, when I knew what kind of people they were (lying, cheating, weekend drunkards), and what kind of person I was, and decided that they were full of crap and didn't understand what it was to be a "good Catholic". Not like I even want to be associated as a "good Catholic" since I hardly agree with any of their beliefs, but still.

I hope this made sense.

-- Anonymous, August 11, 1999

I should have said "upon getting confirmed" instead of "upon confimation" in my last post. It's not like they ask the devil if I was on his list or whatever before they made fun of me.

-- Anonymous, August 11, 1999

I also shouldn't have used the word "hate" for those who aren't religious, although I've found that people who have said they "hated" religions are the ones who come up with ignorant reasoning.

-- Anonymous, August 11, 1999

Religion has never been an issue for me when I start dating someone. Howvever, having said that, I am now rather relieved to be marrying another Catholic as it saved us a further 20 multiple choice questions in the compulsory pre-marital counselling workshop (after already filling out a previous 154 questions you would be relieved too)!

Because we come from the same religious backgrounds we both have the same value and belief systems when it comes to marriage which helps but this is not to say I could not have probably found someone else who was not a Catholic but who also held the same beliefs. I guess if you find the right person, for the right reasons then you can be happy regardless of religion.

-- Anonymous, August 24, 1999