Chicken Little, Searching for a deity.........greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) : One Thread
Due to chickens posting it's apparent fascination with Wicca and it's members, I became curious to chicken's true religion. Was or is he/she/it dissatisfied with their current religion or what. Maybee you can decide............
The beginning of chickens logo. Snip;
"- for all those who have tasted the holy snack, and understand its power -"
Where chicken fell into the cult. Snip;
"the chicken brings up deep emotional feelings from my past.......thoughts of none other than the all knowing and wise blue monkey.......the blue monkey is the keeper of imperial knowledge and sometimes has the Spy Chicken deliver his messages of mighty wisdom to me."
chickens creed. Snip;
"After much careful observation I now have collected proof that God is infact a Chicken."
Full of chicken's logic. Snip;
"Pretty little equation: Me + B = 30 ft. chicken Ugly equation: [PLE (Pretty little equation) / Loud mouth shnook objection] Me + B = 30 ft. chicken-diety / LMSO LMSO, corrected by idiot factor and the PLE: Me + B = 30 ft. chicken-deity / (LMSO / i) where i = infinity (in this case) which reduces to our original pretty little equation: Me + B = 30 ft. chicken-deity"
The future of chicken little. Snip;
"Subject: Fowl Science. Scientists at NASA have developed a gun whose purpose is to launch dead chickens. It is used to shoot a dead chicken at the windshields of airline jets, military jets, and the space shuttle, at the vehicle's maximum traveling velocity"
How ya like me now chicken?
-- R. Wright (email@example.com), July 28, 1999
I'm afraid Chicken hasn't had a coherent thought about religion since he went to New Orleans and saw the chicken foot offerings in front of Marie Laveau's tomb.
-- Old Git (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 28, 1999.
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with that chicken and we'll find out.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens I have never known any chickens.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released Chicken Coop 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side". "Yes,my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
-- OutingsR (email@example.com), July 28, 1999.
The Cult of the Chicken will now come to roost ...
-- squawk (ruffled@feathers.R.us), July 28, 1999.
-- Mara Wayne (MaraWAyne@aol.com), July 28, 1999.