How to Argue and Win Every Time : LUSENET : Y2K Satire : One Thread

How to win a Y2K arguement, no matter your view.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at meetings. Often, as a sign of their great >respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: *Drink liquor. Suppose you are at a meeting and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Y2K economy. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights of information. And possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room. *Make things up.Suppose, in the Y2K economy argument, you are trying to prove that Y2K workers are ovwederpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Y2K eorkers be better off. DON'T say: "I think the Y2K workers are overpaid, Say instead: "The average Y2K workers salary in 1998 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $100,452.81 per annum, hich is $111,836.07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1998. Didn't you read it?"

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way Per se Vis-a-vis As it were Qua So to speak In terms of It is commonly known

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, The average person would like to order supplies more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of supplies vis-a-vis qua preparers, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement. *Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.

You're being defensive.

Don't compare apples to oranges.

What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...

Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.

You say: You're begging the question.

You say: Liberians, like most Asians...

Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa

You say: You're being defensive.

*Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say,"That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it. You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

-- Cherri (, July 27, 1999



Once again you have demonstrated the evils of substance abuse. You sound like a really wonderful person to be around and Im sure you and your significant other, Chicken Little Thing, are the toasts of the town. Both of you losers should check yourselves in and get it over gone you fools!!!

-- Eat (s**, July 27, 1999.

Cherri and Mr. Chicken Little?

Oh lord, no wonder both of them have such high opinions and ideals of their own moral rightness.( and to H with the truth). With that combination, they'll out do Bill and Hillery LOL!!!


-- Shakey (in_a_bunker@forty.feet), July 29, 1999.

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