Humour- Warning - Thinking of acquiring a dog ?greenspun.com : LUSENET : TimeBomb 2000 (Y2000) Preparation Forum : One Thread
How dogs and men are the same.
1.Both take up too much space in the bed.
2.Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning
3.Both mark their territory.
4.Neither tells you what is bothering them.
5.The smaller ones tend to be more nervous
6.Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7.Neither does any dishes.
8.Both like dominance games.
9.Neither of them notice when you have been to the hairdressers.
10.Both fart shamelessly.
-- Chris (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 24, 1999
RIGHT ON SISSSSSSTAH !! There are some things that know no international boundries.
Taz...who has one of those critters in her bed!!
-- Taz (Tassie@aol.com), July 24, 1999.
Good one Chris!
-- jeanne (email@example.com), July 24, 1999.
Hey Taz !!!!!!Which one?????? The MAN or the dOg?
-- Richard (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 24, 1999.
that ranks right up there with "why beer is better than women"
-- zoobie (email@example.com), July 24, 1999.
And if you DO get a dog.....
What NOT to Name Your Dog Author Unknown Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex." He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid." When I got married and went on my honey-moon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny- I have the same problem." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore." When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please!" Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me, too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday!
-- Gayla (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 24, 1999.
Now that's even more disgusting but real funny too!
-- Chris (email@example.com), July 24, 1999.
Chris, that piece was published in "Ann Landers" years ago. Ann Landers is a columnist who gives advice. Her column is syndicated in many U.S. papers. I think I know why the author chose to remain anonymous! :-)
-- Gayla (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 25, 1999.
Couldn't resist this one...
I know the subject is DOGS and this is definitely O.T., BUT, do you remember that classic Erma Bombeck column on men and the phenomenon she dubbed "refrigerator blindness"?
Whenever her hubby opened the refrigerator door, he would yell out (evidently, due to the blindness factor): "Honey, where's the butter?" or "Do we have any milk?!" as he stared, blindly, into the fridge.
Not an area of their dominance, I surmise.
-- Sara Nealy (email@example.com), July 25, 1999.
More ways that dogs and men are the same:
* Both are threatened by their own kind. * Neither knows how to talk on the telephone. * Neither understands what you see in cats.
How dogs are better than men:
* Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. * Dogs miss you when you're gone. * Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. * Dogs don't criticize your friends. * Dogs admit when they're jealous. * Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. * Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. * You can train a dog. * Dogs are easy to buy for. * You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. * The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really worst disease you can get is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) * Dogs understand what no means. * Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. * Dogs admit it when they're lost. * Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. * Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
-- Brooks the cat (firstname.lastname@example.org), July 26, 1999.
So does that mean that it's good or bad that I'm a .... dog?
-- BigDog (BigDog@duffer.com), July 26, 1999.
Not funny!!! Not funny!!! ROTFLMAO!!!
I have two strikes against me then, being a dog and a male...
Or would they cancel out???
scratchin' an itch...
-- Dog (Desert Dog@-sand.com), July 26, 1999.
Stop flirting !!!
-- A dog loving (email@example.com), July 26, 1999.