Jesus was out walking in Heaven and ambled over to the Pearly Gates area. Approaching the Angel who was working on the Book of Life He suggested the angel take a break.

An old man approached seeking admittance. Christ asked him where were you born? In a small town in the Asiatic. Where you married. No was the reply. Did you have any children? Yes was the responce.

There eyes met and there was a deep communication evident. Christ asked hm - a boy or a girl? A boy he was. Did he have holes in his hands? Yes - Did he have holes in his feet? Yes - Christ came round and clasped the man in His arms and said " Father! "

The old man with tears in his eyes but a very confused look on his face said " Pinnochio?? "

-- jean bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), July 23, 1999

Answers

The Pope was visiting NY State on one of his visits. He was being driven from NYC up to Albany by a chauffeur. They were chatting and the Pope told the chauffeur "I used to love to drive when I was a young priest in Poland. Driving is one of the little pleasures that I miss". The chauffeur replied "Why don't you take the wheel. This is a nice easy drive on the thruway". So the Pope began to drive and was enjoying it so much that he was testing the power of the car with a somewhat lead foot. He was stopped by a State Trooper car with two officers in it. One officer got out to assess the situation and give the usual ticket. He looked in the Pope's car then returned to his own vehicle. The officer said to his partner "We better not issue a ticket -- very important people". "The Governor?" said the partner. The trooper pointed upward. "The President?" said the partner. The trooper pointed upward again and said "I'm not sure WHO he is, but his chauffeur is the Pope!".

-- elsie C (elsie@genitech.com), July 24, 1999.

Gee only one responce. Wow you are a sophisticated bunch. How about the one joke in which a sickle cell sidles up to a osteoblast........

-- jean bouchardRC (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), July 24, 1999.

Got another one for you Jean--

It seems that when Benjamin Netanyahu was president of Israel he invited the Pope for a little golf tournament in the spirit of friendship. The Pope replied that although he had been an athletic young man, he was now old and had never played golf anyway. The President replied that if the Pope wanted, he could appoint one of his Cardinals to play in his place. The Pope called a few dozen of his Cardinals in and asked if any of them would like to take the challenge. It was generally agreed that none of them were ever much in the golf department and that the Israeli president was a pretty good weekend golfer so they had better decline. But the Pope felt that it was an insult to Israel to decline. Then, one of the Cardinals had the following suggestion: "You remember, Your Holiness, that it was not that many years ago when any layman could be given the Red Hat. Perhaps we can make an exception and allow a layman again to become Cardinal. I have it on good authority that the American golfer Jack Nicklaus is a very good Catholic. Let's elevate him to Cardinal and let him play in your place." The Pope agreed that this would be a good solution. And so, Jack Cardinal Nicklaus went to Israel to play golf against the Israeli president. Cardinal Nicklaus reported back to the Pope in a few days with these words: "Your Holiness, I shot one of the best games of my life. I was well under par. My work off the tee was as good as I could do when I was 30. My putting was pretty near perfect. I doubt is I would want to replay one shot. And still, I lost by 2 strokes to Rabbi Tiger Wood.

-- elsie C (elsie@genitech.com), July 27, 1999.

Elsi - Very Good +Peace+

-- jean bouchardRC, (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), July 28, 1999.

in catechism class:

teacher: if you pull your kitten's tail are you committing a sin against any of the commandments?

johnny: yes, "what God united let no man put asunder"

ENRIQUE

-- ENRIQUE ORTIZ (eaortiz@yahoo.com), July 28, 1999.

catechism class:

rafael, do you know how many people were in the flight to Egypt?

rafael: yes, four people.

FOUR?

YES, Joseph, Mary, the infant Jesus and Pontius the pilot.

ENRIQUE

-- ENRIQUE ORTIZ (eaortiz@yahoo.com), July 28, 1999.

little maria arrives home from sunday school. her mother asks What did you learn today?

maria: we learned about the crossing of the red sea.

-and how did it go?

well, here were the israelites crossing the red sea, but suddenly the egyptian army came after them. God sent five B52 bombers, some apache helicopters and took care of the egyptians.

the mother (shocked): did the teacher told you it was that way?

maria: no, but if you hear the way he told it, you'd not believe it either!!!

ENRIQUE

-- ENRIQUE ORTIZ (eaortiz@yahoo.com), July 28, 1999.

para los amigos hispanos.

en un pueblito el templo del lugar estaba en condiciones lamentables. el parroco se las ingenis para conseguir dinero y hacer las reparaciones necesarias. cuando habma bodas y el novio preguntaba: padrecito, cuanto le debemos, il contestaba: mira, hijo, aqum se paga segzn la belleza de la novia.. el novio por quedar bien ponma en el escritorio unos quinientos dslares y todos se iban muy contentos. Un dma, despuis de la ceremonia vino la acostumbrada pregunta: cuanto le debo? -hijo, aqum se paga segzn la belleza de la novia. el novio dejs en el escritorio un billete de veinte dslares. El parroco lo recogis, lo sacudis a ver si venman mas, pero no, eran SOLO veinte dslares. entonces levants el velo de la novia, sacs un billete de diez y dijo, *ay hijo, aqum esta tu cambio*

ENRIQUE

-- ENRIQUE ORTIZ (eaortiz@yahoo.com), July 28, 1999.

Jean, can you now tell us the one about the sickle cell?

ENRIQUE

-- ENRIQUE ORTIZ (eaortiz@yahoo.com), July 28, 1999.

Got another Pope joke for you Jean--

On the same New York trip where the Pope was driving upstate, he stopped in a hotel in Albany. In the hotel it was the practice of the bellhops to take turns carrying the bags as new guests arrived. When one of the bellhops saw that the guest was the Pope, he begged the other hop to allow him to carry the bags saying, "I'm a practicing Catholic. It would be such a great honor for me to carry his bags. Please let me take your turn." The other hop said, "Well, I'm not a Catholic and have no special reason to want to carry his bags, but I think that there will be a healthy tip in it for me. So, if you give me the tip, I'll let you carry the bags." In due time, the bellhop got back from delivering the bags and his friend was there waiting for the tip. The Catholic hop said, "I really don't think that you want the tip, let me give you the usual tip instead." The other hop thought it over. He decided that the tip was probably a holy medal. It was also probably solid gold. So said "No, I want the tip." At that, the Catholic hop stood up straight, stretched out his arm, and made a sign of the cross over his friend and intoned "In nomine Patris.........."

-- ElsieC (elsie@genitech.com), July 28, 1999.

The pope was talking with his limo driver and saying "I sure miss being able to drive. It use to be so much fun. But, now I never get to even though I really use to enjoy it."

The driver : "Hey come on up and take her for a spin."

Pope: "OK!"

The popes driving - a bit lead footed. A policemen pulls him over. The pope rolls down the window. The policemen looks in and then turns around and walks backs and gets in the squad car. His partner ask "what's going on, who is that, didn't you give him a ticket"?

He say's " I don't know who he is, but I'll think we'll let em go. He's got the pope as a driver!"

-- Jamey (jcreel@hcsmail.com), July 28, 1999.